Feedback on Conest Story

[Yman67]

You can find my Halloween Contest Story here: https://www.literotica.com/s/halloween-trick-or-treat. I accept all feedback. Do please make any criticism positive. Remember, he/she who throws flames is likely to get burned.

Yman67

 

[Iceprincess12]

You can find my Halloween Contest Story here: https://www.literotica.com/s/halloween-trick-or-treat. I accept all feedback. Do please make any criticism positive. Remember, he/she who throws flames is likely to get burned.

Yman67

I think you should indicate it's an incest story. I never look at the category but as soon as I read it was his daughter, I stopped. My critique will be up to that point. I don't know what a positive criticism looks like to you but feel free to disregard if this isn't one.

I was confused in the beginning. You are divorced yet you call her your wife, should be ex-wife. Then you talk about her leaving you but then you say "before she died". I skimmed a little at the end and didn't see you mention your ex-wife again so she could have been left out and that fixes those confusing problems.

When she left you were living...meaning in the past, do you still live there? Does it matter about the house since you sum up the privacy here

"Living in the country has its advantages. There was plenty of parking, the assurance of privacy and no one would be disturbed by the noise from the party."

I think that line is sufficient and you didn't need to use a paragraph to describe the house when you don't mention any of the features again. Or if it was important, then work it in while talking about the halloween decorations and how nice it looked outside, blah, blah.

The sex was boring, fun games should feel fun. Writing from a host point of view you don't mention anyone smiling, laughing, spilling a drink, absolutely nothing but robotic women sucking a cock through a hole. Even your blow job lacked emotion. Dyson isn't sexy, I don't care how much you like to vacuum. How did it feel? You don't give any emotion for any of the sex so it reads like a manual.

I didn't enjoy it because it was a recounting of an event, not an immersive story. You need to put some emotion into it, feel something, think something and take out details that don't add to the story.