feedback on a series please!

[HalfAsleep]

I tend to get good ratings on my stories, but this one series i wrote never really took off and I'm wondering what went wrong. Is it the subject matter? Or the style of writing? What made this one less interesting to readers?

Any feedback would be much appreciated.

The series deals with erotic coupling/voyeur/exhib in the context of a big city's rave culture. And drugs...hence the name...


the first chapter of the series can be found here:

https://www.literotica.com/s/better-loving-through-chemistry-ch-01

 

[KayceeCharles]

There's something... missing. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it's missing a bit of that... passion? Not love passion, but more like... "drive".

The guy's a closet chemist, so he's precise, so I assume his fascination with rave is about the need to go natural, to lose the control. And sometimes, if a little chemical's needed, use that as well. Sort of... subvert the system.

If my assumptions is correct, that did not quite come across in the narrative. I'd assume that after the drug, the taker's perception of reality alter, and certain senses are sharpened, bent... I didn't quite get that sense from your narrative.

Also, that couple paragraphs of "tell, not show" at the beginning was a pretty bad hook.

I think you should start IN the club, in the middle of a rave, IMHO, of course. Your description is pretty good, if you put in a bit more feeling, passion, etc. into it.

Also, the narrator's objective is missing. Does he just need more sex? He wasn't getting any?

 

[HalfAsleep]

That makes a lot of sense, thank you for your reply!