LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Feedback Offer

LadyP,
I'd love some "Phoedback" on my new submissions, Revenge of the Nerdette and Cramming French.
They were written a while before I'd come across Literotica, and although I don't feel they're what most people would go for, I still feel quite proud of them. They're my first attempt at fiction.
I've just finished writing a 2,000 word mini-romance that is probably a little more Literorica material, will submit soon.

Joe.
 
Sub Joe's "Phoedback"

Joe,
First, thanks for the neologism. Maybe I'll use that in the future; it's great. Now for the real thing:

REVENGE OF THE NERDETTE
I like your opening, but it could have been a bit more polished.
"Hi. You're Mark Clarke, right? Thanks for coming. Please remove all of your clothes, then sit on the blue chair on the other side of this lab bench to me." Alice didn't remove her gaze from the computer monitor.

Or, "Hi. You're Mark Clarke, right?" Alice asked the man who entered her lab without so much as glancing up from her computer monitor. When he made an affirmative sound in reply she said brusquely, "Thanks for coming," in a way that didn't quite sound welcoming at all and then, "Please remove your clothes and have a seat."

You want the first paragraph to "pop" and get the reader moving forward. After all, there are thousands of stories here. MAKE them want to read yours. We don't need/want to know if the chair is blue, or where it is in the lab. Just the facts, but make them interesting. You have the interesting down pat. Just present it to us clearly, quickly, and with some snap.

Mick is good looking, intelligent, wealthy and charasmatic. Hmm. Is he too perfect? He describes Alice so beautifully. Well done. The "emaciated owl" was a great word picture.

He also calls her a "minger" you may want to change the word or explain to those of us who never heard the word what it means.

"He would turn out to be at least 33% accurate in this character assessment". You cannot tell us what WILL happen in the future, if he doesn't know it yet. Narrators are omnipotent; characters are not. This would have been better added toward the end...reminding us of the things he'd said about her, then saying, "Turns out, he was 33% right".

"Can you see a small reddish dot in the foveal centre of your field of view?" What the heck is "fovial"? Be careful not to use too much professional/technical jargon. While Alice's prattling on about her theories and what her equipment does is perfectly within character, when she asks HIM (a no-nothing in regard to her research) a question, she would more likely say, "Okay, can you see a little red dot?". Likewise, "...the synaesthetic analogue of the image." We know YOU (the omnipotent writer/observer/narrator understand this whole thing, but MICK does not. Nor do we, as the reader. When in Alice's point of view, some of this is okay. While in Mick's POV, describe it as HE would describe it.

The whole experience of the pictures and your imagery here....WOW! Fantastic! The "grinning volcano" image was wonderful.

"Marie," he said, "You're early. We're not due to meet until later. Fuck, you look sexy!" Well....okay, I get the point, he's not really done hallucinating, but if he THOUGHT it was all over and Marie was really standing there, would he sound so carefree and typically hormonal, after the horrible hallucinations he'd just had?


Wow. (I was typing my response as I read, and I just finished). You get a 5 with a little pout that "6" or "10" does not exist on the voting meter, but I have some questions, too.

Your writing is superb; your imagery top-notch. A few tiny grammar glitches were really nothing in the overall picture. A close-to-perfect and disturbing story.

That brings me to the questions. While I get the general idea of WHY Alice is doing this (other than for her thesis, some revenge is at work, according to your title), I do not get the relationship of the sexual images. Perhaps it's been too long since I studied imagery, or perhaps my brain simply wasn't ready for something so surreal (as it does not generally get so much positive stimulation from reading at Lit as it did while I read this) but can I have some input on that? It stands as it is, with the reader having to make some general assumptions about the "why", but it would have been stronger with them.

THANK YOU for some incredible writing. Now, on to the next one......
 
Sub Joe's "Cramming French"

And away we go....

Your first paragraph is a bit confusing. Try paring it down a bit, and making everything clear to ALL readers (I, for one, do not know or care what a "...good 'O' level result in a foreign language..." means.
"I'd been urged to attempt the Cambridge Entrance exam by my maths teacher, as I had, at 18, an aptitude with numbers. However, in order to be considered for a place at Cambridge I had to obtain a good 'O' level result in a foreign language."

OR, "At 18 I'd been urged by my teachers to take the Cambridge entrance exam, since I had an aptitude for numbers. But in order to be considered by such a prestigious school, one had to have some basic mastery of a foreign language, and unfortunately I had never applied myself to another tongue. Unless of course, I could count the countless tongues of endlessly delicious young ladies I'd courted along my way." Or some such thing.

Well, that story read much faster than the last. While I love the French language, you might have given us some translation of what was being said. At times it was clear; at others, it made me feel a bit stupid, not understanding what was being said.

I have no qualms with the writing, really, but I do find myself asking WHY??? Okay, this was a true story, but just because it's true does not make it reader friendly or give it the ingenuity and development and arousal power we (maybe I should say 'I') want in a story on a sex site. My best friend tells me things that happened to her all the time, and none of them, even if they contained anything sexual (which they do not, poor dear) are not story material.

I just didn't get the point of your writing this. It isn't erotica, really. It's something that was relayed to you by someone else that you took the time to write down. It's anecdotal, but not sexual, really. It simply contains sexual elements. So did Clinton's presidency, but I don't think that was arousing either.

So in closing, it was a nice anecdote from your friend, but wasn't really story material. Use your imagination, or more interesting stories from others next time. But don't stop writing...you do it so well!

Thanks for the opportunity to take a look at your work.
 
Ladyphoenix,

My latest story is now up and I would love to hear your feedback on it. Initially the response has been, well, cool. That's cold cool, not neat cool.

With six votes it's score was only 4.33 and I haven't recieved any feedback on it at all. This is unusual. Perhaps the theme of the story wasn't very good, or perhaps the sex scene wasn't erotic enough. I'm not sure, but I would like to get your views of it.

Thanks
Ray
 
Thanks for the feedback!

Thanks so much for the incisive feedback. To be honest, I thought that I was no going to get much that I didn't already know, but that was definitely not the case! I'll re-read your comments carefully --- they're quite clearly the voice of experience.

By the way, a "minger" is a slightly preppy mysongynistic term for an ugly woman. In the US, Mick would be a Jock, and he'd have called her a "dog".

The hallucinations were meant to show Mick's violent sadomasochism and conflicting sexuality buried beneath his perfectly well-adjusted surface. (This kind of repression is very British, I guess).

I think Alice is basically a horny girl using whatever tools God gave her to get a little nookie. She's also pretty pissed off that she doesn't get any of the Alpha males.

As to Cramming French -- Your opinion is reflected in the piss-poor voting scores. I guess the original story sounded better when I heard it told to me. I'll file it under "So what?"

Thanks again,

Joe.
 
Regarding Your feedback, Joe

You are quite welcome.

You mentioned the nature of the hallucinations, and that helps, but honestly in the story at first I thought they were actual memories, then that Alice was forcing him to see horrible things because of something he'd done to her in the past (ie, the "REVENGE" in your title). Perhaps Alice saying something like, "Mick, the images you will see during this session are simply extensions of your own sexual nature, whatever that may be," and then when he had them, the reader would have understood them as well, as simply an extension of Mick's mind.

You say "Alice is basically a horny girl using whatever tools God gave her to get a little nookie. She's also pretty pissed off that she doesn't get any of the Alpha males" Oh, how I wish you had gone into this more in the story!!! It was really unclear to me WHY she was using Mick for sex (okay, he's perfect, rich, etc., etc., but if he was chosen for no other reason but that he's an "alpha male", then you should have said so. I think when you write, you assume too much of the reader. You assume that the reader can understand what you meant, but often (if not always) we have to make SURE that someone who has never seen the piece before, never thought about it for weeks or months, will be able to read it cold and enjoy it AND get what we want them to out of it. Don't assume the reader can read your mind as well as the story, and you'll do well.

And while we're on the subject of you writing....are we going to get anything sensual?

Be well
 
VISITATION by Ray Dario

Ok, Ray, you asked for it!

To you, and all those who ask for feedback in the future, remember....I make responses here WHILE reading the text, so I have an annoying tendency to go point by point....

You end paragraph 2 saying "...everything about her exuded demure sex." I did a double-take. DEMURE?? You just said things about lust, desire, even EVIL in her eyes, and now she's demure. Is that the word you meant to use?

"...her voice carried a sultry tone...." is better as "...her voice was a sultry tone.."

You need commas after "throat" (para. 3) and para. 5 between "times" and "restoring"

Okay, a general peeve of mine...use ACTIVE voice as often and wherever possible. For example, paragraph 5 reads: "He stood shaking for a long moment. She waited, her body swaying back and forth like a serpent being charmed. Finally, his training resuced him and he managed to repeat the Lord's prayer several times restoring his composure." OR:

"He was shaking. She was waiting, her lithe body swaying almost imperceptibly toward him and away, serpentlike, charming him. Rescuing him from his own lustful fascination, his training kicked in and he found himself repeating the Lord's prayer several times, restoring his composure."

I think the serpentlike swaying back and forth seemed like too much; you needed to tone that down, which is why I added the "almost imperceptibly". I know people do this, but you made it sound like she was swaying like a weeping willow in a high wind.

And another Phoenix peeve.....her eyes (para. 6) did not hold his...her GAZE held his. By the way, I love his almost teenage awkwardness; would have liked to have seen more of it.

Again the active voice "He took a deep breath and started again." OR "Taking a deep breath, he started again." OR "He took a deep breath, starting again."

"The soft lilt of her smooth south Texas accent drew him through the doorway..." I love that line. Very smooth; very elegant; lovely word picture, AND it shows us more of him getting tied up in her.

"Turning quickly, he found himself too close to her warm curves." Again, a nice, smooth poetic line of prose.

Active voice again, and some unnecessary detail: "She smiled at his discomfort and lifted a glass filled with a dark fizzing liquid to him." OR

"Smiling at him despite his obvious discomfort, she offered him a glass of dark, fizzing liquid."

While the narrator is omnipotent, you are still in the pastor's Point Of View here (POV) and he would not know WHY she was smiling. If you contrast her smiling with the "obvious" fact that he's uncomfortable, it's clearer. Also, no need to say that she lifted the glass "to him"; she already offered him Coke; I assumed the glass was for him, as he's the guest.

"...sucking his soul away..." that's pretty extreme. Maybe it would be better expressed as, "and he felt as if it were sucking at him, looking for nourishment in the richness of his soul..."

He was "relieved" that the drink was "only Coke". Why don't you tell us what he thought it MIGHT have been before he drank? And why exactly would he think she would give him something else?

"The clinking of ice..." That whole paragraph is really tight. Well constructed, and moves us forward very well.

"Are, are you looking to join..." should be "Are...are you looking..." (a few paragraphs later, the same with "You, you'll..." should be "You...You'll...."

Her touch is "...burning in his mind like brimstone." Well, we KNOW this is in his mind; it's his perception. Should be "...burning like brimstone."

They may "..have many single activities." But she is probably more interested in "...singles activities."

"He stepped back feeling the hot steel of the coffee table..." Hmm. You need a comma after "back" and normally, one would associate the steel of a piece of furniture as cool. If it's hot, you should point out how odd that is, and his mental perception that is SHOULD be cool, thus adding to the strange nature of this whole thing.

"Perhaps they don't have my," should use an elipses, NOT a comma. You want a pause here. "Perhaps they don't have my..." Pausing, she dragged one finger up his chest, circling the buttons on his shirt. "Passion for life." She spun suddenly away..."

Okay, I've said enough about active voice, commas and elipses..you get the idea....now it's just gut reaction:

WHY does he give in???? After realizing what she is, and refusing her, suddenly he says, "Yes!" WHY??????????????????

Okay, I've finished.

For some reason, dear Ray, your pace whips up into a wonderful frenzy and your grammar problems almost disappear when the sex starts...something about all that testosterone rising clears your head? (yes, I'm grinning). The orgy is MARVELOUS!

The end is equally marvelous, but I think I have the answer to your lack of enthusiastic readership.

You would probably not write a sex story about someone screwing in the World Trade Center now, for obvious social reasons. Yet, you have written a (an excellent!!) story about the Catholic Church, AND ended it with the priest getting ready to take advantage of some poor sweet parishoner. GET IT????

Hey, hon...the story is fantastic, I gave it a five. The timeliness of the subject matter kinda sucks, considering the social climate. You need some basic grammar work/editing on future work (See my "VOLUNTEER EDITOR" posting here, I AM available CHEAP) but you're one hell of a writer, pun fully intended.

Be well!
 
Ladyphoenix,

Thank you very much for your feedback. Once I finish thanking you, I'm off to study the story with all your excellent comments already printed out.

I honestly didn't even give the Catholic churches current problems a first thought when writing this. I should have, but it just didn't occur to me. Aw well, such is life.

Thanks again for your thoughts. You are a jewel among jewels and don't be surprised if I take you up on your editing offer the next time inspiration strikes.

Ray
 
SALLY by PunkFan

Okay, I think perhaps my ability to critique on the basis of sexual arousal is going to be limited here, but I'll try to be honest and as brutal as I have with everyone else so far (grin).

In writing a chapter story, you have to assume that some who will be reading Chapter 2 will NOT have read Chapter 1 so instead of doing a "Thanks" kind of intro, you might have wanted to either spend a paragraph summarizing the last chapter for us.

You start out with a very weak first paragraph. First you say, "Quite a few things have changed..." then immediately change your mind and say, "Well, maybe not that many but..." Not a very powerful opening. Again, those who read Ch. 1 may be willing to read no matter what, but new readers are drawn in or repelled by the first few sentences; make them shine as brightly as possible.

Also in the first paragraph you sum up the relationship between the narrator and Sally as: "I am still lusting after Sally's body needing to have my dick in her and feel her in me, but we are a lot closer now as we are living together."
Seems to be a rather sad way to sum up a relationship. If this is about anything other than sex, the reader wouldn't know it. But it's possible that you didn't wish to develop your characters into a real emotional relationship.

Always write out 1st as "first" and numbers "...3 or 4 years..." as "...three or four years..."

What is IT (paragraph 2)? This may be in the first chapter, but again....please remember those of us who didn't read it. Always write out something like this, at least the first time. After that, you can use the initials because you've already referred to it by its full name.

You mix your verb tenses...remember, active/present tense is always more interesting. "...because of this I am PAYING [present tense] for the apartment....not that I MINDED [past tense]" it should read, "...not that I mind..."

To be honest, your writing could use some major revision before submission. Your spelling seems okay so far, but your sentences tend to be more passive than active, and you are careless with wording. For example, "...once she has finishing her degree..." should be "...once she has finished her degree..."

"On reflection I never expected my life to turn out like this, at 21 I expected to be like my friends having a fairly relaxed lifestyle spending my nights trying to get laid, however I am a reasonably well paid computer technician for a major company and am living with a sexy soon to be solicitor shemail, how lucky I am."

I would recommend removing everything after "...to get laid." We already KNOW he is well paid, we don't care what company he works for, and we know he's living with Sally. It's just repetitive information and drags the story.

The paragraph about Sally's birthday coming makes me decide as a reader that the relationship between the narrator and Sally IS just about sex, and nothing else. I mean, okay, if he considers making her sexual fantasy come true as one option for her special day, that's one thing. But he ONLY thinks about getting into bed with her and Vicky and it's all just for Sally. Right. He's doing something partially selfish for Sally's birthday and it just makes him seem shallow. You're making me dislike him as a reader, and you want to remember that in order to get involved in the story, the reader has to like the characters, or at least in some way respect or empathize with them.

Another paragraph that's a good example of what I referred to above:
"Vicky WAS [past tense] very attractive yet completely different to Sally, Sally IS [present tense] busty and curvy [USE ONE OR THE OTHER, NOT BOTH] whereas Vicky is blonde athletic with smaller breasts and a tight ass. Vicky is gorgeous and I had wanted to try pussy again, even though I love anal with Sally so I got Vicky's number from Sally's mobile and decided to give her a call when I got to work. The drive to work was tense and the ride seemed to last like the last hour of work on a Friday. [THIS IS A GOOD IMAGE, THE LAST HOUR OF WORK ON FRIDAY, BECAUSE WE CAN ALL RELATE TO IT, BUT USING THE WORD 'LAST' TWICE DRAGS IT DOWN.] It didn't help that I was really turned on by thinking of what could happen, I pulled up to the building knowing that with my rock hard cock was straining against my trousers ["WITH MY ROCK HARD COCK WAS STRAINING AGAINST MY TROUSERS..."??] and would be clearly visible if I went into work but I wasn't going to masturbate in daylight when my colleges [sic] could walk past it could cost me my job [THIS REALLY SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID. IS THIS CHARACTER SO DEPENDENT ON SEX THAT HE HAS TO RATIONALIZE NOT MASTURBATING WHERE HIS COLLEAGUES CAN SEE HIM?? ANOTHER REASON I'M NOT LIKING THIS GUY] so I decided now would be the best time to call Vicky so I could calm down a little." [RUN ON SENTENCE. WASN'T IT THINKING ABOUT HER IN THE FIRST PLACE THAT GOT HIM SO AROUSED? HOW WILL CALLING HER HELP HIM CALM DOWN??]

Try this: "Both Sally and Vicky are very attractive, yet they're completely different. While Sally is busty, with well curved hips, Vicky is athletic, with smaller breasts and a tight ass. Even though I love anal with Sally, to be honest I was anxious to try pussy again. I called Vicky and made arrangements to meet with her that evening after work."

This would eliminate all the discussion about his rock hard cock and the phone conversation you detail.

"The day was pretty typical....." I read this paragraph a few times before I realized WHY something was wrong with it. It isn't a paragraph. It's ONE sentence! You should have left the whole paragraph out anyway, but this is in need of major work if it's kept in.

The "typical woman" comment because Vicky was 10 minutes late makes him look more rude/shallow. He never even thinks it might be because of her work, or something else. You're going to lose female readers on that comment alone.

And now we have the character of Vicky, Sally's friend. Vicky tells us what Sally wants for her birthday. A diamond necklace. Hmm. Sally is unemployed, and living off someone else, and she would just like a diamond necklace???? Now I hate Sally too, because she seems rather like an opportunist to me.

"Okay that is her present sorted but I really wanted her birthday to be special" What does "...that is her present sorted..." mean? And come on. Does he REALLY think getting a diamond necklace WON'T make her birthday special?????

"I felt like shit about the position I had put her in..." Well, if he felt like shit, why didn't he take it back? And who said he "HAD" to put her in this position?

PunkFan, I kept reading here but stopped making notes. I read through the sex scene, and I think I'm ready for a final analysis.

I knew this was going to happen someday, but here it is: I didn't like the story.

I have nothing against the shemale aspect...I wondered at first if I would, but I quickly realized that I was fine with it. Unfortunately, the first thing that started distracting me was the need for a complete overhaul in the sentence structure/verb tenses/use of commas/spelling areas. I could spend several hours on this, but I really don't want to pick the story apart that way because there are larger issues that also need work.

Your plot is fine, except for the whole idea of the birthday present (see above). It's your characterization that is distressing to me. I don't like these people; but more importantly, I don't care about them, and that is deadly for a story. I see these people as shallow and completely absorbed with sex, and to be honest, silly sometimes. Deepen the relationship and its emotional ties, and get us liking your characters. If you would like to chat more about this story, I'd be open to it, but I'm not sure what else to say. I promised myself I'd be honest when doing this, and I hope I did so without hurting you. You are not your story. My disliking one has nothing to do with the other. I hope you'll keep working, but PLEASE get proof reading and editing in the future, and remember that readers want to identify with the characters. Hope that helps.
 
Well the critisism did remind me of an old english teacher I used to have but thanks, all coments were correct and helpful
 
Little Old English Teacher Me

Oh no, I turned forty last year, watched my eldest daughter graduate on Sunday, and now this!!! *crying into my linen handkerchief* I'm just an old marm schoolteacher....boo hooo hooooooo

Just kidding. Hey, I have a bachelor's in English Secondary Education, so I guess that's where it comes from. I want to be honest, but at the same time not hurt anyone. That can be very difficult. But I do wish you well, PunkFan.
 
Ladyphoenix,

I think it's great you're helping other writers to improve their work. Thank you very much for that.

And yes, I would love it if you took a peek at my first story. It's called Tears from Hell and has just been approved today. Hope you like bondage...

As English is not my native tongue it might contain some terrible grammar mistakes. My bigger concern however is if the story catches the reader's attention ...

Please be honest. My skin is pretty thick...

TEARS FROM HELL
 
Wolf's "Tears from Hell"

THANK YOU for a first paragraph that drew me in, rather than pushing me away.

The paragraph: "I must admit the sight of this helpless weeping sex slave did not particularly calm me down - on the contrary. I felt..." Might read better as,

"I must admit that the sight of this helpless weeping sex slave did not particularly calm me down. On the contrary, I felt like a predator. Having paralysed my prey with a fierce, initial bite, I now took my time playing with her as she lay terrified on my table. The mix of cruelty and lust I felt dazed my brain and tickled my balls. I do not think that I had ever before felt the emotion of absolute power so intensely."

The reference to the bite in the neck and the "ripping it apart" were a little too gruesome for most. Also, if Dela is a sex slave (and I understand my bdsm) she is doing this willingly, so how can she be a "victim"?

"So how come she ended up lying naked on my bed..." should be "So how had she come to lie naked upon my bed..." "How come" is awkward and childish phrasing.

Oookay....maybe I have a problem here. BDSM tries to concern itself with "SAFE, SANE, CONSENTUAL" and yet, when he wakes her up, he seems to be almost a rapist. Why does he not ask her if this is ok? Why does he not give her a safe word she can use if this goes too far for her? Does she wish to be a "slave" in the pure sense of the word? (ie, a sub has a safe word, a slave has no choice once she has submitted to the authority of the Dom/me). If so, you should have explained that earlier, when they had discussed this 'fantasy'. If her fantasy was to be a SLAVE in the true sense of the word, and to have no say, then I want to know that before he uses her. Otherwise, he's just cruel, and that makes me dislike him.

This issue comes up again, quite a bit more seriously, when he ties her feet higher and she begs to be released. I don't like the fact that I have to wonder if this is voluntary or not. If it is, I can continue reading without feeling guilty that I'm getting aroused by a rape. If it is not, then I want to stop reading because I can't stand him; he's cruel. Tough place to put a reader in.

He even says, "Maybe I should have backed off..." but he doesn't. I want to know that would be okay with her, because they discussed it beforehand.

FINISHED READING
Okay....gosh. You had me going, didn't you? lol I have a choice here...I could go back and erase all my questions about her being willing, so I don't look like you fooled me, or be honest, and say WOW. You fooled me!

Made my choice, as you see. I gave you a 5, not because I necessarily liked the whole pain/biting/anal fucking/hitting thing, but because you wrote a good story, and you let the character fool me, just as he was fooled....BRAVO. Very minor grammar stuff doesn't even need to be mentioned, but an editor wouldn't hurt in the future.

Thanks for the great read!
 
We are so fucking glad you're offering to give feedback !!! Why don't offer it as soon as a new story shows up instead of making a big fucking hairy ass deal about in the messageboard !!! God !!!
 
Ladyphoenix, thank YOU for your great review!

Of course I am very happy with it and I actually like to have 'fooled' you... I didn't want the character to be nice, he should be mean and disgusting so the reader would feel really uncomfortable.. I guess you did.
I know he breaks about every rule there is in bdsm, although I am actually too inexperienced to know them well myself... The girl on which the story is based - the fictional character is only a very remote resemblance - DID like to play dirty though and actually encouraged me to play the part of 'rapist'...

Nevertheless your comments have make me think to add some more cliffhangers in the course of the story so the reader is still left in doubt about her intentions without being really disgusted...

I'll edit it tonight and will definitely take your other comments into account. So thanks again, if you ever need me for anything, don't hesitate to write...
 
Unregistered Guests who leave nasty anonymous messages

I wonder first why you chose to post anonymously, although of course anyone with half their senses about them would guess that you either:

A) are so embarrassed to be acting so badly that you don't want anyone to know it AND/OR

B) you are someone to whom I have given less than excellent feedback and you are choosing this forum to vent your anger at me.

Either way, the bottom line is this: I am making an offer. If you don't like it or don't need it, don't respond to it.

You suggest that I offer feedback "...as soon as a new story shows up..." (I won't finish the quote as you showed no restraint in your display of poor manners). Are you suggesting that I send this kind of detailed feedback to EVERY new story that shows up on the site?

Unfortunately, not all writers WANT feedback, so why would I take the time (if I did it the way you suggest it would mean taking MOST of my time every day) to do so? If you are serious about writing and take the time to come here and ask, I'm happy to give. Do you find something wrong with that?

The short of it is, if you don't like the offer, stay out of my posting. What is the point, exactly, of your reply? To make me feel bad? Gee. Guess that didn't work. To make yourself look tough? Hmm. That didn't work, either. You look small, and petty and nasty, and that's why you weren't brave enough to put your name on it.

Anyone else care to comment?
 
I know this kind of messages is pretty annoying. But wouldn't it be wise just to ignore them?
 
Ignoring bad manners?

Wolf,
I'm sure most folks would agree with you. My husband would tell you, however, that I am one of those people who loves to watch Judge Judy, not because I like the "jerry springer' kinds of idiocy that occur on tv, but because of things that shaped me, early in life, into someone who has a very poignant sense of right and wrong, and who has some infernal NEED to see justice done.
I have always taught my children when facing someone rude, not to always ignore them, but whenever possible to just turn to them and say (VERY politely) something like: "Excuse me, I don't know why you are having such a bad time today but I'm sorry if you are. I hope you'll remember that doesn't mean you have to take it out on someone else".
Okay, so I'm an idealist. I HOPE against hope that when you use a little reason with people they respond by remembering that we are all just human, and don't have to go around hurting each other mindlessly. I have seen this work myself a few times and while some would say that doesn't make much difference, my response would be, I don't care if it makes MUCH difference. Just a little is fine with me.
*smile*
 
Got your point.. I am just too much of a 'live and let live' kind of guy. Pretty indifferent sometimes.

But now that we're talking about it... I noticed that on this site there are quite some threads and stories about incest, and I mean: practizising it... Now I guess it's probably good that people who have unappropriate fantasies involving their sons & daughters have an outlet on Literotica...

But on the other hand, would this tolerance not actually 'legalize' and encourage it as well?? And believe, I am from Holland so I know about tolerance.

What do you think?
 
Legalizing Incest?

Wolf,

Wow, what a question. It's probably strange to have this discussion going on in a posting for feedback, but I've been wanting to say this openly for a while so here it is:

I have two incest stories on the site called "DADDY FANTASY" parts one and two.

I am also an incest survivor, having been brutally used by my natural father from the ages of about 11 (can't remember much before that age) to 16, when I disclosed and then got raped by Children's Services and other so-called "helping" professions.

So WHY DO I WRITE ABOUT INCEST???? Good question. Darlin, I'm 40, so I've been away from my father since he booted me out at 16 (the ultimate cost of "telling") and I have had a sexual Daddy/Daughter fantasy for most of my adult life. Until about a year ago, I could NOT admit it; could not enjoy it; could not EVER seem to give it justification by writing about it. But then I learned something, and things changed.

I should also say that by profession I have an MSW (Master's of Social Work) and am a family therapist and guess what I often deal with...sexual abuse. I have studied it extensively, and believe myself to be well versed in its complexities.

ANYONE WHO HAS SEX WITH A CHILD IS A CRIMINAL AND IN MY PERSONAL OPINION SHOULD BE TORTURED TO DEATH.

ahem. That said, why write incest stories? Because of what I learned in the last year. You see, MOST people think that an incest FANTASY is the same as INCEST. They think that if you have an incest fantasy, you are sick.

Hmmm.

What if I have a rape fantasy? Does my sexual fantasy of wanting to be tied down by some masked stranger and fucked senseless make me sick, too? I mean, rape and incest are sick, and those who do it are sick....so I must be sick if I have that fantasy, too.

No, most folks would say. Rape fantasy is just that...FANTASY. And they say it because they understand THE UNDERLYING REASONS for the fantasy.

Rape fantasy is not the actual desire to be raped in reality. It is a metaphoric fantasy about being able to give up our control. About making someone else responsible for our sexual pleasure, for which we feel guilt. Those who have this fantasy DO NOT condone rape in any form in reality.

Likewise, incest fantasy has an underlying psychological basis. It is not about being incested; it's about relationship, just as rape fantasy is not about rape, it's about control.

For the 'daughter', it is about being Daddy's special girl. His best girl. His princess. For the 'daddy' it is about being the strong, protecting and loving father; the provider. It is about having his little girl's adoration, trust and love. It is about her belonging to him, in a way no one else will EVER belong to him. For her, it is about being his in a way she will never be anyone else's.

This complex tangle of the psychological with the sexual is too much for most people to swallow when it comes to incest fantasy, but NOT when it comes to rape fantasy. That's because some things are just harder for us to accept. That's why people going to the "Family Room" in the chatroom are ridiculed and treated sometimes as if they were sick and disgusting. When it comes to FANTASY, who gets to judge what is sick?

HOWEVER, when it comes to reality, refer back to what I said about child abusers being tortured to death.

How's that for an answer?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

F
Readers who won't offer feedback...
2
Replies
41
Views
2K
Statius
S
tantrayaan
First story - would love some feedback on it
Replies
2
Views
281
tantrayaan
tantrayaan
LiterallyLiterate
Would you like to discuss with me?
Replies
5
Views
546
LiterallyLiterate
LiterallyLiterate
joy_of_cooking
Joyful reviews
2
Replies
47
Views
3K
furiousdistribution
F
TheWritingGroup
Snuggy-Wuggy: request for feedback and author notes
Replies
6
Views
478
Yarglenurp
Yarglenurp
Back
Top