feedback new story

[icebaby]

any feed back good or bad on this or any off my stories welcome please say which story you are answering to thanks

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=69648&page=1000

 

[PaulX35]

A few thoughts

Wow Icebaby,

This read like peeking into your diary, really. If that was your intention, you've done a very good writing job.
It had all the oppression of a desperate woman, giving every sex scene painted the 'cut of a knife feeling'.
I feel extremely reluctant to comment on that aspect, as the story left me with the feeling that you were writing something off your mind. And you did that in a movingly intimate way, that really caught me. Succeeding in that is of course a true compliment to the author, be my suspicions true or not.
At the same time - and here reluctance steps in - this is a weakness of the story as an erotic story. You wrote down her feelings of being torn apart so well, that it was virtually impossible for me to get the erotic feel of the sexual parts of the story.
On second thought, I'm inclined to think I maybe shouldn't look at it that way. That I should make a mind switch, letting the cutting of her feelings do the work in an erotic context. In that respect your story was very intense, and an almost perfect example of the strength and potential of the "I-perspective".

Hope this helps,

I wish you good luck with your future writing

Paul

 

[icebaby]

re feedback

Hi Paul thanks for that, looks like you understand were i were coming from, not many men do lol if you not read are you the one in mind control give it ago and let me know what you think thanks again


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=64679

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Whoaaaa, so much feeling in this story. Although I read it more as a letter than a story. It was kinda hard to get into it as an erotic piece. It seemed so dark and "desperate", maybe that's not the word I'm looking for, but anyhow, it was good. It painted a wonderful picture of how you felt.
Wicked

 

[icebaby]

re feedback

Hi thank you for your feedback
i am glad you enjoyed it thanks again

 

[icebaby]

re feedback

I would just like to say thanks to all who have sent me E mails
on this story and a special thanks to my very devoted fan i loved your comments and will keep them in mind for my next story, As for anonymous sorry but it was not me
thanks again to you all

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=155604