Angeline
Poet Chick
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2002
- Posts
- 27,349
I've been working on this poem for about a week. The style is a departure from the way I normally write, and I'm sort of unsure if it's working (or even what I'm doing, lol).
I want to keep the deadpan tone, but otherwise how is it? Too long? Is any of it offensive (well to anyone besides creationists)? My basic aim is to raise questions that make Eden dogma seem pretty shaky to me, but it goes beyond that, too. Does all that come across?
Have at it, if you're so inclined--I'm very interested in what you think. And thanks!
Maybe Not
So I read this poem,
which posits that Hemingway
was maybe the other Adam.
Maybe not.
Did any of you know
there were two Adams?
Never mind that one
was a clothed, hard-drinking,
writer-Adam, manly, and yet
allegedly homophobic
to the point of suspicion?
Of course these last
suppositions are scurrilous,
since manliness has nothing
to do with sexual preference.
And what
of the time-space continuum?
Hemingway was well-traveled,
but presumably only geographically,
and not temporally,
so maybe not.
My position however
assumes that Adam-Adam and Earnest-Adam
inhabited the same Eden at the same time,
one wearing a fig leaf and eating figs
and other not-apple fruits,
the other clothed and drinking,
typing and swearing.
If they were not in the same Eden
at once and Earnest-Adam
were in a more modern one,
would it be polluted?
And if so, would it still be Eden?
And if they were in the same Eden
who was tempted by the snake?
I think it was Adam-Adam
because Earnest-Adam
was a man's man, and thus
likely a top
or would have been,
were Adam and Adam
in Eden or Adam-Adam in
then Eden, or Earnest-Adam
in more recent then Eden.
Frankly I think that this concept
of two Adams, together or not,
is outside the scope of this poem.
It has served primarily
to obscure Eve who no doubt
was relegated to picking up
the banana peels and peach pits
that Adam-Adam failed to place
in God's compost heap,
thus establishing a pattern
that would hold sway
for millennia.
Maybe,
assuming Eden even needed
a compost heap,
so maybe not.
And what of the snake?
He seems a deconstructed male
lusting after Eve,
hissing about the damned apple.
How come Eve is the bad guy?
Nobody blames the snake--
Eve is a victim! And Adam
ate the apple, the dupe,
where was his brain?
Hemingway
would have strangled that snake,
I bet, and cooked him
with stewed apples.
Maybe.
Anyway, didn't Adam know apples
were disallowed? How come
nobody says:
What a dunce that Adam was;
eat the apple, then Eve has a bridge
she'd like to sell you.
But no,
Adam, apparently incapable
of foraging on his own,
eats the apple,
and cast out from paradise,
continues to follow Eve
into the wilderness,
no doubt asking where
she put his socks.
________________________
10/6 edited per The_Fool's corrections
I want to keep the deadpan tone, but otherwise how is it? Too long? Is any of it offensive (well to anyone besides creationists)? My basic aim is to raise questions that make Eden dogma seem pretty shaky to me, but it goes beyond that, too. Does all that come across?
Have at it, if you're so inclined--I'm very interested in what you think. And thanks!
Maybe Not
So I read this poem,
which posits that Hemingway
was maybe the other Adam.
Maybe not.
Did any of you know
there were two Adams?
Never mind that one
was a clothed, hard-drinking,
writer-Adam, manly, and yet
allegedly homophobic
to the point of suspicion?
Of course these last
suppositions are scurrilous,
since manliness has nothing
to do with sexual preference.
And what
of the time-space continuum?
Hemingway was well-traveled,
but presumably only geographically,
and not temporally,
so maybe not.
My position however
assumes that Adam-Adam and Earnest-Adam
inhabited the same Eden at the same time,
one wearing a fig leaf and eating figs
and other not-apple fruits,
the other clothed and drinking,
typing and swearing.
If they were not in the same Eden
at once and Earnest-Adam
were in a more modern one,
would it be polluted?
And if so, would it still be Eden?
And if they were in the same Eden
who was tempted by the snake?
I think it was Adam-Adam
because Earnest-Adam
was a man's man, and thus
likely a top
or would have been,
were Adam and Adam
in Eden or Adam-Adam in
then Eden, or Earnest-Adam
in more recent then Eden.
Frankly I think that this concept
of two Adams, together or not,
is outside the scope of this poem.
It has served primarily
to obscure Eve who no doubt
was relegated to picking up
the banana peels and peach pits
that Adam-Adam failed to place
in God's compost heap,
thus establishing a pattern
that would hold sway
for millennia.
Maybe,
assuming Eden even needed
a compost heap,
so maybe not.
And what of the snake?
He seems a deconstructed male
lusting after Eve,
hissing about the damned apple.
How come Eve is the bad guy?
Nobody blames the snake--
Eve is a victim! And Adam
ate the apple, the dupe,
where was his brain?
Hemingway
would have strangled that snake,
I bet, and cooked him
with stewed apples.
Maybe.
Anyway, didn't Adam know apples
were disallowed? How come
nobody says:
What a dunce that Adam was;
eat the apple, then Eve has a bridge
she'd like to sell you.
But no,
Adam, apparently incapable
of foraging on his own,
eats the apple,
and cast out from paradise,
continues to follow Eve
into the wilderness,
no doubt asking where
she put his socks.
________________________
10/6 edited per The_Fool's corrections
Last edited:
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