Feedback for "The Sharpest Lives"

[Kimikimidoll]

Here is the link:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-sharpest-lives-ch-01

The series is complete, and I have one question; you can actually read any one of the chapters and give me an answer:
What do you think of the sex scenes?

 

[NotWise]

Here is the link:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-sharpest-lives-ch-01

The series is complete, and I have one question; you can actually read any one of the chapters and give me an answer:
What do you think of the sex scenes?

I tried chapter 5. From what I read I wasn't sure that nonconsent was really the right category; it seems like a dom/sub story. I'm not into either genre.

There were a number of things in the sex that confused me or failed to interest me but I think that's probably irrelevant since I'm not into the genre. The one thing I would point out is that in the first sex scene in the chapter the guy comes, but there seems to be little description of his action or how she responds to it. It just happens.

Was it your intent to make the dominant male really unlikable, and possibly criminally abusive?

Your character's relationship with the kitten in the beginning of the chapter was pretty well-written. A lot of your writing seemed to tell the story very well, but I could moan about some technical details.

 

[crisdixon]

I read chapter one, since you had linked here.

The sex scene felt very in keeping with the rest of the chapter. I like the way you write, and I thought you drew the relationship between them well. I can understand what about him draws her to him. I can tell he's putting her on her heels. You paint all that very clearly and with an urgency I really enjoyed.

The sex scene felt very in keeping with that. It did not, however, feel sexy to me; but that may just be subjective preference. If I were like the main character, maybe I'd relate. It also happens relatively quickly. He tells her to strip, and she does. He tells her to touch herself; she does. There's not a lot of insight into how he or she feels as this is happening, but it's also just the first chapter and a setup for more, so maybe that was your intent.

Again, I really enjoy the overall tone or your writing - the immediacy.

 

[Kimikimidoll]

Thank you both, NotWise and crisdixon.

I agree, the character is like that; at least, verbally, she says 'No' and in her head, she's hoping he'd go on. It's a very dangerous kink, that can go wrong in many ways.. and later she is forced to do some things she doesn't like.

He on the other side just revels in the way she reacts. He's a piece of shit, and he just gets worse with time. But they are still attracted to each other. They were really made for each other.

About my writing- I always felt that I couldn't write sex scenes... so I guess I really need to brush up on that.