Feedback for Starry Resonance

[Ivallen]

Author: Ivallen
Title: Starry Resonance
Link: https://www.literotica.com/s/starry-resonance

So this story has, for the most part, shown me a positive reaction from readers. The one problem is that it has been a very lukewarm reaction. It's something that I hope will get better over time as I release more, but it also has me in a position where it feels like I'm writing in the dark. The biggest doubt being, is the story good but not good enough? Should I be doing something different to bring in more views?

It's a very long story and I don't expect anyone here to read all of it (unless you enjoy it, of course), but I would appreciate some insights into how things are holding up.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I started reading, but stopped after five hundred words or so. The problem with world building is grabbing the reader immediately into that world. You start, literally, with a cliff hanger scene (which is a good place to grab), but your characters and the action weren't depicted precisely enough. I couldn't work out what was going on, couldn't make sense of the smaller whatever it was being blown away on the wind.

Once a sword got mentioned I figured out we had a warrior on a mission with a side kick, probably with Tolkien type elves or some such. Those stories do nothing for me, personally, so I jumped to the end, read the comment, and left.

It might have been easier to make your first foray into Literotica a bunch of shorter stories, simpler stand-alone pieces, rather than the "next novel length great fantasy novel." You can write, you've got the technical chops okay, so that's not a problem. The issue, I think, is that you've got this whole world constructed inside your head, no doubt with character sheets and all that useful stuff, but no-one else knows about it. You're trying to get a following as a completely new writer with four page chapters - that's a big ask.

Start small, be less ambitious, is my suggestion. That way, you really learn your chops technically with shorter pieces, really find your style. Do an apprenticeship with a dozen or so shorter, crisper pieces, and only then stretch your legs. Toddle before you walk, sprint before you do the marathon.

Keep writing though - that's the only way to get better.

 

[Ivallen]

I started reading, but stopped after five hundred words or so. The problem with world building is grabbing the reader immediately into that world. You start, literally, with a cliff hanger scene (which is a good place to grab), but your characters and the action weren't depicted precisely enough. I couldn't work out what was going on, couldn't make sense of the smaller whatever it was being blown away on the wind.

Once a sword got mentioned I figured out we had a warrior on a mission with a side kick, probably with Tolkien type elves or some such. Those stories do nothing for me, personally, so I jumped to the end, read the comment, and left.

It might have been easier to make your first foray into Literotica a bunch of shorter stories, simpler stand-alone pieces, rather than the "next novel length great fantasy novel." You can write, you've got the technical chops okay, so that's not a problem. The issue, I think, is that you've got this whole world constructed inside your head, no doubt with character sheets and all that useful stuff, but no-one else knows about it. You're trying to get a following as a completely new writer with four page chapters - that's a big ask.

Start small, be less ambitious, is my suggestion. That way, you really learn your chops technically with shorter pieces, really find your style. Do an apprenticeship with a dozen or so shorter, crisper pieces, and only then stretch your legs. Toddle before you walk, sprint before you do the marathon.

Keep writing though - that's the only way to get better.

Thanks for the input. I've actually thought of working on shorter pieces alongside this one exactly because it would be easier for readers to consume and see what I could create. Something I'll consider a bit more seriously.

 

[SimonDoom]

I didn't have time to delve into the full first chapter, but I scanned the beginning, and have a few thoughts.

The prose is fine. You can write.

You start with an action scene rather than an information dump, which I think is good. Too many authors start with long introductions that are boring. You don't do that. I think that's the right call, and it's a sign of a more experienced or confident writer.

However, I think in a way you go too far in the other direction. Several paragraphs into the story, I have no idea what's really going on, who these people are, what their task is, nothing. The title of the story gives nothing away. The tagline tells nothing meaningful.

You have a limited amount of time to grab the attention of potential readers. Use that time wisely.

In the case of a sci fi/fantasy story you might want a short one-paragraph introduction that gives the reader some clue about what this is all about.

In the first 1000 words of the story, I'd suggest interspersing the action and dialogue with a bit more narrative explaining what's going on, or perhaps describing what Yvain, the POV character, is thinking about what's going on. I found it very confusing to figure out what's going on. It's absolutely essential in a story like this to immerse your reader in the world and make sure they understand it.

 

[Ivallen]

I didn't have time to delve into the full first chapter, but I scanned the beginning, and have a few thoughts.

The prose is fine. You can write.

You start with an action scene rather than an information dump, which I think is good. Too many authors start with long introductions that are boring. You don't do that. I think that's the right call, and it's a sign of a more experienced or confident writer.

However, I think in a way you go too far in the other direction. Several paragraphs into the story, I have no idea what's really going on, who these people are, what their task is, nothing. The title of the story gives nothing away. The tagline tells nothing meaningful.

You have a limited amount of time to grab the attention of potential readers. Use that time wisely.

In the case of a sci fi/fantasy story you might want a short one-paragraph introduction that gives the reader some clue about what this is all about.

In the first 1000 words of the story, I'd suggest interspersing the action and dialogue with a bit more narrative explaining what's going on, or perhaps describing what Yvain, the POV character, is thinking about what's going on. I found it very confusing to figure out what's going on. It's absolutely essential in a story like this to immerse your reader in the world and make sure they understand it.

Thanks for the input. At this point, I can't ignore your words since you're not the first person to tell me this. It probably happened due to me having a burning hatred for info dumps as a reader. I attempted throughout the first chapter and subsequent ones to trickle down information (going much heavier in chapter 9), but it seems I'm holding back way too hard. I'll have to look into what I have and see if there's anything I can add to the first chapter at the start. Though I'll probably do all the serious editing once the first book is finished.