Feedback for my Indian story of a lady and stranger in bus

[sweetdreamssss]

Looking feedback for my Indian story

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-thrilling-bus-ride-in-india

This story loosely follows the same universe and the same girl as the landlord story part 1 and 2 .

 

[LesDesirable]

You should read about passive voice, and begin working on eliminating it from your writings.

The category is as much non-consent as exhibition. The title needs to be a title, not a description.

Once again, you use "start" or "started" far too many times for a one page scene. Action can just happen, that it is happening indicates that at some point it started, you do not need to tell us every time.

Very "matter of fact" in the telling, sex on a bus, whoopie. Told basically as if the two participants do this sort of thing all of the time, rather than as something that should be exciting and terrifying for both.

Your stories and characters might be a lot of fun if you were willing to use an editor to hash out the problems and weaker portions of your writing.