Feedback for my first poems.

[d7dlp0]

Hello,

I managed to get my first 2 poems approved here. I would like to see if I could cget some feedback from some of you. They are both "Non-Erotic" and are titled "I'll always love you" and "Unsolicited". Please let me know what you think. I'd really, really appreciate it!!

Thanks,
d7dlp0

 

[WickedEve]

Here are the links:

I'll always love you

Unsolicited

 

[d7dlp0]

Thank you, Wicked.

Thank you for putting the links to my poems there!!

 

[WickedEve]

I read Unsolicited. Very interesting! I'll try to give you better feedback when I get time later tonight.

 

[d7dlp0]

Thank you again!!

Wicked

I appreciate you taking the time to look at these and for providing me your invaluable feedback.

Dante

 

[WickedEve]

I like "Unsolicited", and at the moment, I'm not sure what feedback to give you on it. It's an interesting poem and you have your own style. Some poems are much easier to give feedback on.

As for "I've always loved you", I didn't find it to be quite as interesting. You didn't really have anything to say that was any different than so many poems here at lit. It's an okay poem, but I think Unsolicited is much better.

Please read through some of the threads on this board. You'll find a wealth of info. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help with these particular poems.

 

[karmadog]

Take this with a grain of salt, as I am not such a great critiquer.

I liked the poem (unsolicited) for the most part. It seems a touching picture of love gone stale. I like the image of the unsolicited kiss, hug, touch to represent unforced, natural love. And the repetition of some of your phrases works nicely as a refrain, but I think sometimes it just feels repetitive. "forgotten" is maybe overused. And the "remiss", "miss", "kiss" rhymes are definitely too much for me. Especially, "remiss", and "miss".

I hope this is helpful in some way. Thanks for posting!

 

[d7dlp0]

Thank you so much!!

I do see your point. "I'll Always" is definitely more simplistic. When I wrote it, I was actually creating a card for someone. So I had to do it with having limited space and "material", if you will, to work with. As a card, It's awesome, but standing alone.......you hit the nail on the head. Also, thank you for your thought on "Unsolicited." (or lack of) Your liking it coupled with not having much to say about it, I think is a statement in of itself.

Just out of curiosity, are you part of the Literotica machine or just a very helpful soul along for the ride?

d7dl0

 

[d7dlp0]

Karmadog.....

Thank you for your input. I think it is very helpful and I was having thoughts along those lines as well.. I appreciate the help!!

d7dlp0

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Thank you so much!!

Just out of curiosity, are you part of the Literotica machine or just a very helpful soul along for the ride?

d7dl0 [/B]

Me? I'm the poetry fairy here to sprinkle you with welcoming kisses and silly little rhyming hugs.

 

[d7dlp0]

I'l take as many as your willing to give........