Feedback for first time writer

[philatio]

Hello. Long time reader, first time writer. Just submitted my very first attempt at a story and would like to know what people thought of it. Keep in mind it's a first (and maybe last) attempt. Its just something I wanted to try. I don't mind if people e-mail their comments (good or bad)

Here's the link http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=20622

Thanks guys

Philatio

 

[LadyDarkFire]

Well, I am a long time reader, first time writer as well, but I will offer what I can. I liked your story, I thought the addition of explanations on why they were both there were an exellent touch to the story, they let the reader build up an anticipation for what would come. Also, I thought that the way you changed the words that you used, and the names, from more formal to a relaxed way of using language set the tone for what was happening well. One thing that I personally thought could have been explored more was the fact that he had done that to her. Hanging a woman out on a limb could have some interesting conversation, or mood changes, that could have been explored. It would be interesting to see a sequal to this story about her getting her own back.

 

[caralott]

Very Nice

I liked your story very much. It hit all the right angles.