Feedback for Cuckold-Flavored Story wanted

[ThisGun4Hire]

Just posted this somewhat cartoonish-in-nature story the other day and it has a pretty low-rating so far, which is fine... but it doesn't have a supremely high number of voters yet, so I figured I'd open it up on here for hopefully a greater amount of praise/abuse. I dig criticism, even if it's intense, just so long as it's specific.

Would love to hear from anybody, but if you're a dominant women or a submissive man, or someone with interest/experience in cuckolding, even better.

https://www.literotica.com/s/humbling-hercules

 

[Bramblethorn]

Just posted this somewhat cartoonish-in-nature story the other day and it has a pretty low-rating so far, which is fine... but it doesn't have a supremely high number of voters yet, so I figured I'd open it up on here for hopefully a greater amount of praise/abuse. I dig criticism, even if it's intense, just so long as it's specific.

Would love to hear from anybody, but if you're a dominant women or a submissive man, or someone with interest/experience in cuckolding, even better.

https://www.literotica.com/s/humbling-hercules

I'm not particularly into cuckolding, but I gave it a look. I thought it was well written, and I suspect the rating has more to do with a group of readers not liking msub or implied m/m rather than the quality of the writing.

One criticism: the pacing of the story feels a bit off. You have him humiliating himself on national TV about halfway through. I feel like it might've worked better if you'd found a way to put that closer to the end: e.g. have the talk-show bit as a two-parter, spend the first part introducing them, then have them catch up after hours and let Jessica start asserting control, then have the "kiss my boot" on live TV as the climax, possibly with the host's connivance.

 

[ThisGun4Hire]

Hey, thanks for the feedback and your suggestions make a LOT of sense. If I choose to revise it, I'd probably incorporate your pacing idea into the story. Extremely helpful.