Feedback/critique for first story (non-con)

[SeaQue]

I recently posted my first story (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=495056), a kind of weird non-consensual story. I wrote it as something I would enjoy reading, but would love to hear any positive or negative feedback, especially how I can improve my writing.

I know one thing at least: Since it had a summer vacation theme, I decided to enter it in the Summer Lovin' contest and the approaching deadline made me hurry the ending. Also, there was supposed to be a proper explanation for why things happened, but I had to leave it more mysterious... or perhaps cheesy

Thanks!

 

[braincum]

Nice tail-er-I mean tale, CQ, er, I mean SeaQue

I recently posted my first story (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=495056), a kind of weird non-consensual story. I wrote it as something I would enjoy reading, but would love to hear any positive or negative feedback, especially how I can improve my writing.

I know one thing at least: Since it had a summer vacation theme, I decided to enter it in the Summer Lovin' contest and the approaching deadline made me hurry the ending. Also, there was supposed to be a proper explanation for why things happened, but I had to leave it more mysterious... or perhaps cheesy

Thanks!

You have a nice way with both the narrative flow as well as a way of easily spelling out taboo desires so that they seem perfectly normal.

That, my dear, is a key to successful sensual prose.

As to your deadline-centric concerns, lose them. After all, a bit of mystery is always enticing. You never want to explain everything -- that robs a story of its appeal.

 

[SeaQue]

Thank you for your kind words!

Was there anything that you thought could have improved the story? Anything that was missing or felt wrong?