Feedback and critiques for "Fox Hunt"

[Frenemy54]

Hello all!
I've recently begun submitting installments of my first story for Literotica, and I would greatly appreciate any peer reviews.

It is a domination-themed story in the Lesbian section entitled "Fox Hunt" and the first two chapters have already been approved with the remaining three still pending.

http://www.literotica.com/s/fox-hunt-ch-01
http://www.literotica.com/s/fox-hunt-ch-02

I would love to hear your thoughts on the story, themes, characters, and overall content of each chapter. What did you like/not like? What would you have done differently? What characters/ideas/themes would you like to see more of in the future?

Any input (positive or negative) is welcome- thank you!

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

I read the first chapter, there is a lot there, almost too much. I was confused sometimes as to who was who. I didn't know who the villain was or where it was going. It seemed that you put too much action into the first few moments without giving any backstory. That may have been what you were going for and I will discover more in later chapters.

I don't know if it would have helped to give each of the Foxes a nickname in addition to their Official Fox Title. For some reason each time I read "Butterscotch Fox" it was a bit distracting.

The story has legs, you are very vivid in your descriptions. I look forward to reading chapter two.

 

[Frenemy54]

Chapter Three

Just wanted to let everyone know that Chapter Three of Fox Hunt is now posted and can be found here;

http://www.literotica.com/s/fox-hunt-ch-03

Enjoy!

 

[Frenemy54]

Chapter Four

Chapter Four of the Fox Hunt Saga is now posted and available at:
http://www.literotica.com/s/fox-hunt-ch-04
for your reading pleasure.

PS: The fifth and final chapter has been submitted and should be posted tomorrow- so stay tuned!

 

[Frenemy54]

Chapter Five

Chapter five is now posted and available at:
http://www.literotica.com/s/fox-hunt-ch-05

Please enjoy, and I encourage all who do so to please post their thoughts on the series here. Thanks for your readership and support!

 

[idrublood]

Okay I read all five parts and I firmly believed that this story was more for the Sci-fi/Fantasy section because of the super powers and evil scientist theme. With that said, I did enjoy the domination themes where the evil Foxes held all the power.
The story ideas were original and I liked that there weren’t any obvious duplicates of traditional super powers as some writers tend to do. The fight scenes were quite detailed but I agreed that too much happened all at once so I did get a bit confused.
Of all the Foxes I liked what you did with Violet Fox the most. Just me personally, but I love when a good character goes bad. The torture sequence with the psychic villainess was also a very sweet piece of writing.
And lastly the ending; a great turn of events. As I said in my comments at the end of part five, the bad guy sometimes win and hay if they fall in love in the process, mores the better.
Bottom line, I liked it and I would like to see other work from you. So keep on writing.

IDB.

 

[gtsext]

Chapter five is now posted and available at:
http://www.literotica.com/s/fox-hunt-ch-05

Please enjoy, and I encourage all who do so to please post their thoughts on the series here. Thanks for your readership and support!

Chapter five is great!

 

[Frenemy54]

Character choices

I've had some readers ask me about the inspiration for my characters, so I thought I'd just post the response here. When I write, I tend to "cast" my charcters - that way I can keep the image of them strong and consistent by having a visual reference to consult. Here's what I had for "Fox Hunt";

BUTTERSCOTCH FOX: Hard to cast, trying to find the right person to portray that blonde cheerleader type. Considered January Jones, Alice Eve, but eventually settled on Rachel Nichols.
http://imgsrv1.pxdrive.com/pics/norm/136612.jpg
http://norandom.com/wp-content/uplo...t_com-maxim2003june-17_122_204lo-800x1107.jpg

VIOLET FOX: Lyndsy Fonseca
http://i2.listal.com/image/1728312/936full-lyndsy-fonseca.jpg
http://boston.3432.voxcdn.com/wp-co...9-Lyndsy Fonseca - Maxim - April 2010 (1).png

AMERICAN FOX: Ashley Greene
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_V7lJdZi_T...k/s1600/ashley+greene+new+moon+premiere+2.jpg
http://topnews.in/light/files/ashley_greene_4.jpg

SILVER FOX: Amber Heard
http://11img.skins.be/1/8/9/1/3/1/7/09483-amber-heard-001-122-409lo.jpg
http://www.eftekasat.net/pmg/pix_ed..._Premiere_Los_Angeles_October_13-2011_003.jpg

DR. VANESSA PAYNE: Keira Knightley (her description was actually based very closely off this one photo, so for all intents and purposes, this IS Vanessa)
http://www.wallpaperstop.com/wallpa...nightley-in-black-photo-1920x1080-1012088.jpg

EBON FOX: Christina Ricci
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Player-Magazine-christina-ricci-687701_1260_1600.jpg
http://www.theplace2.ru/archive/christina_ricci/img/christinaricci121.jpg

PEARL FOX: Yaya DaCosta
http://blacren.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/YAYA_2.jpg
http://www.theplace2.ru/archive/yaya_dacosta/img/50850_yaya_dacosta1_.jpg

JADE FOX: Gail Kim
http://photos.imageevent.com/pizon/candidposed8x10divaphotos/Gail Kim d.jpg
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/929jackfm.com/files/2012/06/gail-kim1.jpg

REGAN: Evan Rachel Wood
http://images2.fanpop.com/images/ph...-Awards-evan-rachel-wood-3764405-813-1222.jpg
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m70vvfJ9ML1rw6925o1_1280.jpg

NURSE DREW: Kat Dennings
http://img176.imageshack.us/img176/6343/katdennings.jpg
http://www.magxone.com/uploads/2011/04/Kat-Dennings-Complex-3.jpg

MADAM AXIS: Diane Kruger
http://cdn.1920x1200.net/posts/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/diane_kruger_1920_1200_dec092009.jpg
http://www.kuchmasti.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Diane-Kruger-6.jpg

AUNT GINA: Rena Riffel
http://images.cinemaring.com/upload...rs/4/4/4/44658a4e95adcd1debc32f2b12b5110b.jpg
http://www.wallpaper4all.com/wallpapers/rena_riffel_1300-1920x1440.jpg
So how do these stack up to how you pictured the characters? Who would you have cast in these roles?

 

[Metamorphose]

Nicely written. and the HOT mark is all you need as feedback.

 

[Frenemy54]

Views

Just noticed that Ch. 5 has overtaken Ch.4 in hit count. Can't imagine why that is. Thoughts?