Feed back wanted

[playful Kitten26]

Hello everyone. I am new to this and I would love to hear what I could do to improve my writting.

So far I have three stories on here and they are only doing fair so far. One of my last ones has only been voted on three times. Is this normal?

Should I take this for a hint and just quit or should I keep trying?

Here are the three I have on:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=8753
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=9026
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=8902

 

[Weird Harold]

One of my last ones has only been voted on three times. Is this normal?

The one with the low votes is _The Dancer_? If that's the case, it's probably because erotic couplings and romance get fewer votes than lesbian stories.

I haven't read your stories, so I can't give you any more of a reason than that just now. Different categories garner votes differently. That's probably a reflection on the personalities of the people who prefer each type of story. I had one story moved from Erotic couplings to humor and satire, and it pretty much stopped getting votes after the move. It doesn't bother me all that much that it has gotten fewer votes where it is though -- All of the stories on the top list for humor and satire have low vote totals.

If you need something to compare your votes to, check how other stories that were posted at about the same time in that category are doing. If your story is geting fewer and lower votes in direct competition, then you aren't creating a passionate response with your writing. People tend to vote on stories they like and stories they hate. Median stories don't get much response because they're "just average"

 

[CRaZy]

I read your story "Dark Car". I think it probably had few votes because many people didn't read to the end which is a pity. Your story has a good premise with elements of exhibitionism and lesbian scenes included. The atmosphere in the crowded line at the club is captured well and is an ideal setting for some erotic development. You also understand that the climax is a natural ending and provide a very neat resolution to this story.

The reasons why people probably didn't finish your story are as follows:-

TENSE: you change tense throughout the story, sometimes even in the one sentence eg. She reaches out and moves my hand from my breast and gently squeezed me tit.
The verbs "reaches" and "moves" are in the present tense; the verb "squeezed" is past tense. This becomes very confusing for the reader.

BASIC SPELLING ERRORS: eg. in your first paragraph you use THAN instead of THEN. Those readers who do not like to wade through technical errors would have been turned off.
First I was late getting up and ready for work, than {THEN} I had car trouble.

TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY DETAIL: It is important to set up a story but your lousy day is really not relevant to the main plot. It would have been better to start with standing in line and recount your frustrations.

SEX TOO CLINICAL: The reader must be able to feel the juices flowing, the body heating up, the muscles spasming etc. etc. etc. The sex scenes must be more than a step by step description.

CONVERSATION: You understand that conversation is an important technique for giving us some emotional investment in the characters. I admire you for your attempts to use dialogue as I don't believe I have mastered this aspect of writing very well myself. At times, the dialogue is stilted and doesn't really give us insight into the characters eg. "I'm cumming, fuck me harder with your tongue! Harder, yes, that is it! Ooh yeah, I am going to cum all over your face!!" Most people I know don't manage to talk in full sentences when they are cumming. They also mutter some pretty colourful, nasty phrases. You need to experiment with dialogue and make it ring true for your characters.

Please keep writing. You clearly have a good imagination and your basic plot is fine. Use the volunteer editors program to get feedback before you post stories. I'm sure you will receive more votes next time. Good luck!!

[Edited by CRaZy on 02-25-2001 at 12:11 AM]

 

[Whispersecret]

I haven't read the stories, but I just wanted to say that Crazy gives some excellent pointers. I know your first reaction might be to feel hurt or even angry (believe me, I've been there!), but when you've calmed down again, look closely at what he said and then see how you can apply it to your next story. It's hard to improve if you don't know what you're doing wrong.

Best of luck on your writing.

 

[rhbaron]

Feedback

I enjoyed your stories and think that you should keep writing!!

 

[ManofMithgar]

All three

Technically there may be a few corrections to be made, but your story line is very good. Being male, I would have preferred the guy taking you to the parking lot, but that is just personal. The Dancer is a very hot subject and you had me wondering where you were going to the end. In fact, I have already recommended others to read it. The party is an excellent candidate for a continuation. I believe Gray has some other thoughts in his head. And if he doesn't, I am sure you are just the gal to put them there.

 

[skywriterxxx]

Miss Kitten,
I just read all three stories and found them very entertaining. You have some great ideas and express them well.
I was impressed with Crazy's pointers as well, much of which I had myself 'missed' in that I read too quickly.

Please keep writing, you've done a great job so far!

If you're like me, you're thirsty for constructive criticism (that's why you wrote here isn't it!)

Thanks for sharing.
Sky

 

[skywriterxxx]

ahhhhh, looka that!! I'm STILL a virgin! *BEAMING!*

 

[playful Kitten26]

I want to thank everybody for the advise you've given me and your comments about my stories.

Crazy, thank you for pointing those things out to me. It will help a lot in what I am writing now. Just reading your advise I have been able to correct a lot of the same mistakes.