Father of the Bride's Speech

[oggbashan]

On the thread "What are you doing ..." I mentioned that I was writing the speech for my daughter's wedding.

She has asked me not to include sickly anecdotes of her childhood which limits me somewhat.

What should I include?

What should I NOT include?

I have already thought of leading the assembled guests in a rendition of Eskimo Nell with solos by each bridesmaid.

What would you want your father (or father-in-law if you are male) to say in the speech?

Og

 

[Gabriel_Lee]

She has asked me not to include sickly anecdotes of her childhood which limits me somewhat.

You gotta get your own back sometime.

Go for it, it's kinda expected.

GL

 

[gauchecritic]

To quote voraciously and without shame from Eminems repertoire with a few choice phrases from DrDre.

So in lieu of
"Unaccustomed as I am.."
begin with
"Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say but nothing comes out when they move their lips, just a bunch of jibberish, the mother-fuckers act like they forgot about Dre"
and wing it from there.

Gauche

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"Now, as for Angus and those sheep..."

Try watching the wedding speeches in Four weddings and a funeral. That should inspire you.

When my friend M got married, her sisters-in-law asked her if she wanted a solemn wedding, a romantic wedding, etc. She said: "Hell, no! I want this to be a FUN wedding feast!"

There were a lot of games and naughty songs at her wedding. I liked it best when M, two of her sisters-in-law, and three of her brothers-in-law, all sat down on chairs, with their skirts/pants hitched up, nylon stockings on, and the blind-folded groom a
had to figure out which one was M, simply by groping the legs.
The really funny part was that he picked one of his own brothers' legs, saying that IF this wasn't M, atleast this person had nicer legs than she did...

 

[TheEarl]

Read them one of your stories. If nothing else it'll get their attention.

The Earl

 

[Dirty Slut]

My father read this poem by the poet only known as Dunkin...

When I Held Her
by Dunkin
~
Shadows of yesterday line up
in sequential family albums
lonely reminders, simple cures, pain
pleasure, and cause of many smiles
tears of a lifetime wrapped in memory.
~
We met serendipitous at St. Joe’s
her voice operatic, screamed in want
I stared enchanted at my new
outraged princess, still trembling in fear.
When I held her, the world went away.
~
Clumsy, tangled, finger paint little
she trips, growing over mistakes
bubbling out, “Again daddy, again!”
Chasing those rainbow daydreams
an uncoordinated colt in Graceland.
~
Nothing came easy, certainly not me
as every time I journeyed she wailed
but only clouds make tears, not her
determination her only solace, still
when I held her, worlds went away.
~
Boys found her as I knew they would
a princess is a hard thing to keep hid
especially one so enthusiastic
where womanhood meant challenge
growing up, a checkerboard of truth.
~
Charming came to visit one day
eventually, “I can’t live without him,”
arrived, only to ask for her hand.
I held her then, that one last mine
but mute, gave my world away.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Read them one of your stories. If nothing else it'll get their attention.

The Earl

But stay away from the Incest category. It might be interpreted the wrong way...

 

[oggbashan]

Read them one of your stories. If nothing else it'll get their attention.

The Earl

Have you realised how long my stories are? T'would be like The Ancient Mariner who was such a rotten fielder "He stoppeth one of three".

Thanks for the advice, and the poem.

My short draft takes 90 seconds. The long one isn't finished yet but I think the bride and groom might adjourn before it is.

Og

 

[Guest]

Ogg, I do know how long your stories are, which caused me to think that if you actually read one, by the time you got to the sex no one would be listening and so there'd be no matter of upsetting the party, at least via the subject matter.

However, I do want to take a moment and wish you and your family a very happy time and day, and a happy healthy marriage to your daughter.

best regards, Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

Felicitous nuptials

I'll second that. Best wishes to everyone in Og's family. Especially the newleyweds.
MG and DG