fantasy >>>> reality

[dolf]

leading on from my rape question...
how big is the gap between what you fantasize about and what you would actually do?

i'm interested in both sides.

as masochists do you find pleasure in the fantasy of pain far greater than you would endure/enjoy in reality?

as a sadist when you fantasize {unhindered by legal and moral issues and consequences} is there a large gap between what turns you on and what you would actually do?

is what we do RL a very watered down version of our desires?
or do you act out your fantasies accurately?

xx

 

[witcha]

Hard to say really..at the moment my fantasies are secondary to wanting to fulfill someone else's fantasies...but if I could really have a choice..some of them definitely deserve step to step acting out



witcha

 

[m wisdom]

There are fantasies that I wouldn't do and don't want to do.
Others that I wouldn't go the whole way with.
Some that I lack the money or other resource to fulfill but would if I could.
And some that I would take the whole way with the right partner.

Since I'm pretty new I haven't had the opportunity to take any off my fantasies the whole way yet, but I hope that I will someday.

 

[dolf]

Re: Re: fantasy >>>> reality

There are fantasies that I wouldn't do and don't want to do.
Others that I wouldn't go the whole way with.
Some that I lack the money or other resourse to furfuill but would if I could.
And some that I would take the whole way with the right partner.

Since I'm pretty new I haven't had the oppertunity to take any off my fantasies the whole way yet, bt I hope that I will someday.

what ones wouldn't you want to do? and for what reason?
though you aren't a sadist do you still have sadistic fantasies?
{curiosity is a curse }
xx

 

[m wisdom]

Re: Re: Re: fantasy >>>> reality

what ones wouldn't you want to do? and for what reason?
though you aren't a sadist do you still have sadistic fantasies?
{curiosity is a curse }
xx

I wouldn't do those fantasies that are nonconsensual. The reason is that they are nonconsensual.

I haven't had any pure sadistic fantasies but some have some sadistic parts in them, but that is never a major part.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think for me, most if not all of my fantasies are in the realm of living them out if it is required. That does not mean it is as clear cut simple to do so, at least not the first few times, but the intent and desire is there to do and succeed if asked.....one can only try their best and then some. Some of them border on the highly SM side of things, some go beyond what is usually considered acceptable by most, and some go beyond reversible outcomes. I'm not much of a one for role play at this point though I can see an advantage in some of them if you are able to get into pretending something is other than what it is.

Rape fantasies would not work as far as acting out goes for me as I cannot be in a position with one I love and/or know, know I am expected to pretend I am being taken against my will, and feel it is real...it just isn't and unfortunately I know the difference. There are ways it can be made more real if you so desire, but that is playing a dangerous game....though my story Transcendently Yours deals with the concept in a tantalising and interesting way.

Catalina

 

[s'lara]

If my mind were the barometer by which i measured my masochism realistically, my body would give out long before the activities were complete.

Fantasy tends to have no boundaries and fortunately, the body isn't equipped to live out some of the more extreme acts. Thank goodness for that too.

i prefer the gap between fantasy and reality. It keeps us from venturing into territory that we may not be able to recover from.

lara

 

[silver_inari]

leading on from my rape question...
how big is the gap between what you fantasize about and what you would actually do?

i'm interested in both sides.

as masochists do you find pleasure in the fantasy of pain far greater than you would endure/enjoy in reality?

is what we do RL a very watered down version of our desires?
or do you act out your fantasies accurately?

xx

Right, let me get some of my thoughts down on the page, if I might.

I think the gap between the fiction of what we imagine in our head and the reality of what we may do is something that in some cases is better for safety. Yes, I may have fantasies of being passed from man to man, and beaten bloody. Do I think this is a good idea to put into practice in reality? Not really, as I think there are too many real-world consequences to the action (STDs, mental damage from my own insecurities, etc.)

I know I've fantasized about being dominanted by both my husband and a woman, and in fact he said he could make that happen, but again I think its not something I would do, as I wouldn't ever do anything that could hurt my marraige.

I don't think it is always a watered down version, but I think sometimes we change it to suit what is within the bonds of reason for each of us. What is within the bonds of reason? Well, that is defined by each pairing of dominant and submissive.

silver_inari

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: fantasy >>>> reality

I don't think it is always a watered down version, but I think sometimes we change it to suit what is within the bonds of reason for each of us. What is within the bonds of reason? Well, that is defined by each pairing of dominant and submissive.

silver_inari

This is true in part as the Dominant is the one who decides what will happen, how, and when etc. Though the fantasy may initially be from the submissives mind, the Dominant then interprets it in a way which suits their purpose. It is for that reason it usually does not go beyone the level lara mentions of what the body can take as most Dominants in a relationship want to keep the sub with them in this reality....though there are times it may push beyond the safe barriers of most. I have found my fantasies have become darker in places but also have developed a more tailored and aware perspective. Fortunately we share many of the same fantasies, same depths, so understand the desire to live out many of them if and when the time is right. So far we have not been disappointed.

Catalina.

 

[Kassiana]

how big is the gap between what you fantasize about and what you would actually do?

Pretty large. Some things I fantasize about I can't do (I mean that literally, they are impossible for any human being to do). Some things I fantasize about I wouldn't do (e.g. my own relatives just don't turn me on). Some things I fantasize about I might do if I were free (e.g. two male partners at once). And some things "I" fantasize about are just things the characters I roleplay get turned on by.

 

[Titania1616]

i've found that some my fantasies are much darker than i allow myself to participate in in RL. when i've had the opportunity to act on some of them i haven't, but then again...there were trust issues, so that could make the difference. a few of my darker fantasies that i have acted on, i ended up regretting, i wasnt happy i had let myself be led there. hmmm.... wonder if the two worlds (fantasy and RL) will ever merge successfully?

we'll see

 

[Netzach]

I'd say about a full 25 percent of my fantasies are things I don't want to, should not, or would get life for acting out.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'd say about a full 25 percent of my fantasies are things I don't want to, should not, or would get life for acting out.

LOL, see this is the advantage of being a slave.....don't have to worry about the life term as he isn't really into doing anything to anyone which would cause that, and as for the don't want to/should not do...hmmmm, that can be part of the attraction.

Catalina

 

[Mr Blonde]

I think my reality matches my "fantasies" pretty close. I have a big imagination but 99% of the time, my fantasies -- not just sexual ones -- are set in the real world and contemporary times.

The gap is pretty narrow between fantasy and what I actually do/have done/would do. The big taboo is sudden sex with an anonymous stranger, but I have done that and it wasn't really all that wonderful. I have more fun with an established girlfriend.

The only thing watered down about real life is that we are constrained by limited free time and having enough energy.

 

[Etoile]

I have fantasies about being raped by a stranger, grabbed off the street, nonconsensually.

In real life, I am raped sometimes, within the confines of a consensual relationship. That is, I have given up control to my Daddy, and e can do whatever e wants with me, whenever e wants to do it. If I don't want to be fucked a certain way, or fucked just then, then it could be seen as rape. I've given em permission to fuck me when I don't want to be fucked. It's rape, yes, but within the confines of our relationship.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think my reality matches my "fantasies" pretty close. I have a big imagination but 99% of the time, my fantasies -- not just sexual ones -- are set in the real world and contemporary times.

The gap is pretty narrow between fantasy and what I actually do/have done/would do. The big taboo is sudden sex with an anonymous stranger, but I have done that and it wasn't really all that wonderful. I have more fun with an established girlfriend.

The only thing watered down about real life is that we are constrained by limited free time and having enough energy.

A man after my own heart.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have fantasies about being raped by a stranger, grabbed off the street, nonconsensually.

In real life, I am raped sometimes, within the confines of a consensual relationship. That is, I have given up control to my Daddy, and e can do whatever e wants with me, whenever e wants to do it. If I don't want to be fucked a certain way, or fucked just then, then it could be seen as rape. I've given em permission to fuck me when I don't want to be fucked. It's rape, yes, but within the confines of our relationship.

Genuinely no offence meant but I have am uncomfortable with thinking of rape in a consensual relationship where the consent has meant one is available to the other whenever and however required. It is hugely different from a situation whereby one forces themselves on another totally against their will (no consent given at any point), and causing long term psychological and possibly physical damage which real rape does. Rough sex, consensual sex (as in consent given to surrender control within the confines of a D/s relationship), roleplay, and rape are not all one in the same and for me it seems to minimise the impact real rape has on authentic victims/survivors. With legally recognised rape, you do not wake up the next day with a feeling of love toward the one who abused you and life going on happily as if nothing has happened.

I know it is not how everyone feels, but for me it just does not feel comfortable to equate a sexual act in a loving relationship which continues afterward to be loving and valued, with the experience of someone who has been raped (whether by a stranger, their partner, or a friend or relative) and gone to the depths of hell to deal with the aftermath. IMO it is a bit like going with friends for a day of playing war games in a specific commercially controlled setting with fake bullets then returning to the comfort of the family home that evening and claiming they had spent the day in real warfare experiencing the same dangers as real troops....it just is not the same.....it is roleplay, not a lived reality. Just my .02 cents worth as the saying goes.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

so what word would apply to what Etoile is talking about? I also see a difference, I just don't know how to build it into language. We talk about "torture" all the time in an SM sense, and mean it, but it's not the same as political torture.

 

[catalina_francisco]

so what word would apply to what Etoile is talking about? I also see a difference, I just don't know how to build it into language. We talk about "torture" all the time in an SM sense, and mean it, but it's not the same as political torture.

I am at a loss....think we need to begin to extend the language to incorporate the differences and minimise causing hurt or offence at the least, better understanding at best. For such a wordy language we seem to clone so much.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

I do see your point, Catalina - the acts I'm talking about don't usually require therapy, to summarize a bit. But Netzach is right also - these acts are distinctly not desired by the person being subjected to them.

It is a difficult problem. It's not "play" rape, but it isn't criminal rape either.

 

[FungiUg]

Most of the discrepancies for me between reality and fantasy revolve around relationships. In fantasy-land ("Planet Bruce"), a live-in slave in a permanent threesome arrangement would be ideal! In reality, I can't see it working.

 

[silver_inari]

Most of the discrepancies for me between reality and fantasy revolve around relationships. In fantasy-land ("Planet Bruce"), a live-in slave in a permanent threesome arrangement would be ideal! In reality, I can't see it working.

When you fantasize something you put it in its ideal state. Once it moves out of the realm of thought, it is then acted on by outside influences (emotions, physical limitations, etc.) and is then going to be affected by those. So it can't match up wih the fantasy then, i think.

And yeah, I would love to be dominanted by my dominant and a female domme, or my husband and another dominant, but likely its not going to happen.

 

[Travelintheways]

I've been pondering this for a while now, especially since I joined the Literotica forum! And I've decided that there is a LOT of gap between my fantasy and reality, at least for the time being. The thing with my fantasies is that they are almost never things I could plan out, though nonconsensual doesn't quite fit either.

Now that I think about it, the pyl fantasies are the unplanned, not necessarily unconsensual ones, but the few (but powerful) PYL fantasies I have would be with someone I knew and planned to seduce or dominate. Hmm.

The pyl fantasies are purely fantasy because of the fine line between unexpected and nonconsensual. I read a story on the story forums recently about a man on a subway who finger fucks a girl on the subway, and that's very similar to the kind of fantasy I have. It's something I welcome whole-heartedly even if I think it's somehow wrong, but it's from a stranger (or someone unexpected).

Wait... does this make any sense??

 

[Guest]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
how big is the gap between what you fantasize about and what you would actually do?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The "Off the top" smartass answer to that one is .." I dunno..What are my chances of getting away with it???"

On a more serious note ..I seem to be a bit of a dissapointment..
I recently explained to someone (who shall remain nameless) that while I was in a physicly/emotionally satisfying relationship..I don't really have fantasies.
I have plans, I have possibilities.. I have a part of my mind that will take the effect I want to achieve and keep turning it over and over. It will take into account what I have available and after a while..It will spit somehting out..
Hmm
I just realized how odd that sounded...

But a lot of it boils down to being just too busy living the way than daydreaming it I guess.

 

[dolf]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
how big is the gap between what you fantasize about and what you would actually do?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The "Off the top" smartass answer to that one is .." I dunno..What are my chances of getting away with it???"

LMFAO hon...that's exactly what i thought when i looked from the PYL perspective
xx