"Fancies" - Author Comments

[TheWritingGroup]

Hi. My story, "Fancies", was just published. I'm learning, so your feedback would be super helpful. Here are my thoughts about this quite short story.

You’ll notice that Jimmy uses lube when he masturbates. This is rare in written erotica (at least, the erotica I have read), but it’s recommended by urologists. I thought I’d buck the trend.

"Jimmy, it's time for your bed bath!"

This fantasy of Jimmy’s is based on his sneaking a look at his father’s porn, and being especially turned on by Naughty Night Nurses Volume 30: Femdom Edition, or something equally original.

One of the younger, stronger nurses.

“Stronger” because other episodes on the tape involve nurses physically dominating patients. Originally, this section said she was 30, but then I have her be in her mid-20s three paragraphs later. That’s why you put a story aside for a while before the final edit.

Stop now!

Even though the reader knows this is a story about masturbatory fantasy, I wanted you to be surprised by the sudden interruption. Did it work?

This was reminding him …

He was standing next to Dom, watching the yellow school bus marked "Camp Niños Ocupados" pull out with the last of the campers.

This is the first time I’ve written a male/male scene. I hope it’s halfway believable. “Camp Niños Ocupados" translates as “Camp Busy Children”. It’s a joke, this “camp” is really just day care for older kids, a way to get them out of their parents’ hair during the day. You might notice that Annie and I use some Spanish in our stories.

"Conveniente Cove? Boats won't be able to see us unless they sail right in."

Another joke, “Convenient Cove”. It’s convenient for my plot purposes.

Dom rolled onto his side, and (as Jimmy froze, having no idea what to do) …

This is an echo of what happens in the Kaylee fantasy, where Jim rolls on his side to “look” at the girlfriend who currently isn’t there.

Katrin Neumann was a tall woman, only a few inches short of Jimmy's six feet. Wearing a smart gray skirt and print blouse, shiny boots that gave her another inch, short steel hair permed, small circular eyeglasses covering gray eyes … it made a pretty picture. She was generously proportioned, with her large breasts and a butt that every person in the room, even straight women, could easily find themselves obsessively watching when the Professor wrote on the board, back to the class.

It is not impossible that I might have had a teacher with a slight German accent in the past. I might even have had a crush on her. If so, it would not have gone beyond my secret longing.

I have a pretty long denoument/anticlimax for a story this short. I don’t actually know why I wrote it that way, except it seemed to fit the mood and setting.

Short commentary for a pretty short story. My next story (already written) is much longer and in a totally different genre.

Comment below if you’d like to see a sequel to this one. I have a few ideas (because ideas are easy, writing is the hard part):

• Jimmie and Kaylee actually get together.
• Dom comes to visit.
  • There’s a Kaylee-Jimmy-Dom triangle.
  • There’s a Kaylee-Jimmy-Dom threesome.
  • Both of the above, in that order.

Got better ideas? Let’s hear ‘em!

In general, I appreciate any feedback. The Writing Group posts here hoping for nothing but!

 

[StillStunned]

Have you considered joining the What I Wrote and Why event that's currently happening? I think you might find some more active engagement that way. (Quite frankly, writers here love talking about their own stories, not about other people's.)