Family of Origin

[angela146]

Has anyone here written and posted an autobiographical or semi-autobiographical story about her/his family of origin?

If you did, what kind of reaction did you get? How did you feel once you had posted and gotten feedback? Would you do it again?

I have couple of stories that I've written but am hesitant about posting. They are very personal, emotional and traumatic.

Any thoughts?

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

It's just me, but I wouldn't.
I have two responses to readers who write asking if my
stories are autobiographical (except for "Igrayne," which
is). Either "I write FICTION" or "All my stories are
true; none of my stories is factual."
I get worked up enough when people want to put some of
my pet characters into outrageous situations. I don't
need the trauma of them suggesting that I put myself
(or my parents, if I read your "family of origins"
accurately) into outrageous situations.

 

[snooper]

... I have two responses to readers who write asking if my
stories are autobiographical ...

You may yet need a third.

I posted a story on here a while back about a mail-order bride in the wild west in the days of Red Indian attacks with bows and arrows, and some fool wrote and asked me if it was autobiographical. I also had my picture on my bio at the time, which is clearly male.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Most people think that my stories are true. In fact, there's only ONE of them that is: Stripper's Choice.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Most people think that my stories are true. In fact, there's only ONE of them that is: Stripper's Choice.

This is the same reaction I get and I'm wondering if it means people in reader-land are desperate to believe lighthearted fiction, or if we just do a really good job of making fictional situations realistic.

I suppose some of my stories could actually happen, but most that I read here and many that I've written are pretty unrealistic, in my opinion. Does a story only need the tiniest shred of possibility to be instantly real to the reader?

As far as family origin or any biographical work is concerned, I would be leery of exposing that much of myself to such a random and diverse audience. If it is personal to you, then you are opening yourself up to the possibility of folks railing against the story just as much as you're opening up to them accepting/enjoying it. I suppose it is a judgment call and as I haven't done anything of the sort, I can offer no solid feedback.

Good luck with your decision, I hope it works out.

-E

 

[CharleyH]

Can one really write something well if it isnt personal? I can't write unless I can immerse in the experience of it, either real, or a conglomeration of real experiences.

Of course, I know how to keep my persona in tact as well

Agree with Lucky on the emotional.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Can one really write something well if it isnt personal? I can't write unless I can immerse in the experience of it, either real, or a conglomeration of real experiences.

Personal, how? Personal experience or personal desire/imagination?

I feel more comfortable writing outside of personal experience, rather than in it. The non-fic. stuff I've written for personal reasons, while completely true and real, is much more difficult to put into words so that it conveys the feelings and emotions I experienced by living it. The fantasy and fiction of the stories posted here is easily translated to one's own feelings on the topic being read. If feedback is any indication, the message is getting across

I guess I would sum up by saying that for fiction, personal experience is not necessary. And for non-fiction it is a very big bonus.

-E

 

[CharleyH]

Personal, how? Personal experience or personal desire/imagination?

I feel more comfortable writing outside of personal experience, rather than in it. The non-fic. stuff I've written for personal reasons, while completely true and real, is much more difficult to put into words so that it conveys the feelings and emotions I experienced by living it. The fantasy and fiction of the stories posted here is easily translated to one's own feelings on the topic being read. If feedback is any indication, the message is getting across

I guess I would sum up by saying that for fiction, personal experience is not necessary. And for non-fiction it is a very big bonus.

-E

I see your point. I didn't make myself clear. Experience. If I haven't experienced it, (we are talking erotic) then I have a hard time articulating it. I'm a Stanislovsky kind of writer. This is the way I write because it's the only way that I can. But I do appreciate the different ways each writer approaches something. Truth and fiction? Fantasy and reality? My favorite kind of debate! Grrrr

Again, I leave the conversation with my persona in tact

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I see your point. I didn't make myself clear. Experience. If I haven't experienced it, (we are talking erotic) then I have a hard time articulating it. I'm a Stanislovsky kind of writer. This is the way I write because it's the only way that I can. But I do appreciate the different ways each writer approaches something. Truth and fiction? Fantasy and reality? My favorite kind of debate! Grrrr

Again, I leave the conversation with my persona in tact

I suppose for some it is necessary and for others it is not. I have actually read some good lesbian sex stories written by men...go figure. Anyway, to each his/her own and the freedom to stand behind it, whether it glows or stinks.

-E

 

[Svenskaflicka]

The weird part is, that "Stripper's Choice" sounds very made-up, but it IS true, whereas my other stories sounds ratehr possible and realistic, but are all made-up.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

The weird part is, that "Stripper's Choice" sounds very made-up, but it IS true, whereas my other stories sounds ratehr possible and realistic, but are all made-up.

This is one of my favorite things about fiction...you just never know...and to me, there is quite a lot of spice in that!

-E

trudging off to read Stripper's Choice

 

[CharleyH]

Somehow Sven - can I call you that? - but one DRAWS on their experiences, even if from a pov that may be of oppisite sex.

PS - I'VE read your posts, and I think you're just gloating now! Boring sex life? YA RIGHT! But I like your persona, and glad you keep it as close as I!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Please... don't-call-me-"Sven"...

It's a boy's name. In spite of my AV; I'm NOT a boy. *pulls back claws*

I have a very exciting sex life - WHEN I have one. SInce Hubby and I live in different countries, we don't get to see each other more than 3-4 times a year, but when we do meet...


...we hardly get out of bed.

 

[Boxlicker101]

100% Fiction

All my stories are 100% fiction although I would certainly love to have ived the life I write about in the first person. George Boxlicker, my narrator, has a sex life that would be the envy of a medieval French king. One time I wrote a novella, Karen's Birthday, and Anon. wrote to me saying I am obvioiusly in love with her and ought to marry her. I felt very flattered by that.

 

[CharleyH]

Please... don't-call-me-"Sven"...

It's a boy's name. In spite of my AV; I'm NOT a boy. *pulls back claws*

I have a very exciting sex life - WHEN I have one. SInce Hubby and I live in different countries, we don't get to see each other more than 3-4 times a year, but when we do meet...


...we hardly get out of bed.

SVENSKAFLICKA THEN! God damn you.

Can you believe I got pm's telling me not to CALL YOU SVEN! lol Your picture is a wee bit masculine, if not young - I was misled by your 'persona.' Despite having seen you with two strapping playboys

 

[jthserra]

I have posted

a few stories that were autobiographical, one heavily fictionalized, the other one pretty much the way it happened.

Whether I recommend it or not would depend upon how you seperate yourself from the story. While comments directed at the quality of the writing wouldn't be personal, there may also be something directed at the storyline. I have heard people here receive criticism based upon something happening inside a story. If that would bother you, then you might think this over some more.

As for the responses to my stories, the one that was the way it happened received 45 votes to an average of 4.38, but received no comments. I was hoping someone would comment the story was too unbelievable...

The other story I just sent in, so we'll see how it does. Good luck either way.

jim

 

[angela146]

Hi all... Thank you for all of the input.

Here's what I'm wrestling with:

I want to tell the story of how physical abuse in childhood can develop into an interest in SM in adulthood. I want to explain how my experience of SM feels different from what most other people describe and how my relationship with my husband is actually strengthened by it.

But I keep running into the wall of "the one thing I don't want to talk about."

When I write about a real event in my life (yes, after I turned 18 and before I left home), it's very real and packed full of the emotions that I want to express. It explains what I want to explain.

The true story is very disturbing *and* real *and* erotic. It has a tension for the reader between enjoying the story and being repulsed by it. It works.

But it's *my* story about *my* life. As some of you have pointed out, I'm not sure I can handle the kind of feedback I might get.

When I try to write a fictional tale, it just comes out sounding perverted. It's eroticism with no grounding in reality and it isn't partciularly meaningful.

Yes, there's a middle ground: a semi-fictionalized version of events that insulates me at some level. It's just that my writing skill isn't up to that kind of a balancing act.

I don't know what I'm even asking of you, other than to listen and maybe help me think about it.

Thanks for listening.

 

[angela146]

Re: I have posted

a few stories that were autobiographical, one heavily fictionalized, the other one pretty much the way it happened.

All of the stories I currently have posted are semi-autobiographical. I don't mind having those out there. The late-childhood stories are well... different...

Whether I recommend it or not would depend upon how you seperate yourself from the story. While comments directed at the quality of the writing wouldn't be personal, there may also be something directed at the storyline.

Yes. Exactly. I haven't been able to separate myself from the story without also removing the soul of the story.

I have heard people here receive criticism based upon something happening inside a story. If that would bother you, then you might think this over some more.

Two things that I know I'm afraid of is "What? You call that abuse? Quit your whining...", or suggestions that it's too self-indulgent.

But I think I can live with that.

What really has me scared is the types of comments I haven't even thought of... What might someone say that I wasn't ready for?

 

[minsue]

I definitely think you should write about your personal experiences if only to help you work through your own emotions and reactions. I know there are things in my life that I have written about over and over again and it helps me a little each time. I do think you are correct in being wary of posting those stories to the site. It might help curb some of the more insensitive feedback and comments if you put a disclaimer at the beginning of the story explaining that it is true, but then again it might bring out the trolls even more. Who knows what they're thinking or why some people feel the need to send some of the comments that they do.

Personally, I've never posted anything I've written because I don't write fiction or erotica and I'm nowhere near secure enough to post anything from my life out there for the world to comment on. Having seen how hurtful some of the comments are on fictional stories I can't begin to imagine how it would feel to have a story depicting true traumatic events being attacked by the trolls.

- Mindy

 

[Guest]

I want to tell the story of how physical abuse in childhood can develop into an interest in SM in adulthood. I want to explain how my experience of SM feels different from what most other people describe and how my relationship with my husband is actually strengthened by it.

Angela, Dorothy Allison did just that. Her book is Bastard out of Carolina, but she's written essays on how she's worked out her past in her sexuality. One phrase I recall well, Allison speaks of "intelligent rage".

Start here, if you like: Interview

best, Perdita

 

[angela146]

I definitely think you should write about your personal experiences if only to help you work through your own emotions and reactions. ... It might help curb some of the more insensitive feedback and comments if you put a disclaimer at the beginning of the story explaining that it is true, but then again it might bring out the trolls even more. ... Having seen how hurtful some of the comments are on fictional stories I can't begin to imagine how it would feel to have a story depicting true traumatic events being attacked by the trolls.

Thanks Min... These are some good thoughts...

Yes, I started writing seriously six months ago for exactly this reason.

You're right... saying "this is real" wouldn't help against the trolls but I'm not sure that trolls are the real problem. A**holes don't bother me anywhere near as much as thoughtful sincere comments that cut right to the bone.

 

[angela146]

Angela, Dorothy Allison did just that. Her book is Bastard out of Carolina, but she's written essays on how she's worked out her past in her sexuality. One phrase I recall well, Allison speaks of "intelligent rage".

Start here, if you like: Interview

best, Perdita

Thank you!

I particularly liked the following:

...The key is to make the portrait as full as possible and it is not possible if you lie. It is not possible if you try to hide. And the thing that writers hide is themselves. I don't belive you can be any good as a writer if you're trying to hide yourself. So, I get told a lot that I'm brutally honest. I essentially think that I want to do it right, and I don't believe that you can if you try to shave off any margin of safety. If you're trying to be safe, you got no business writing. If you're trying to control what happens, you really don't have a whole lot of chance. ...

Hugs

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmmmmm

Hi all... Thank you for all of the input.

Here's what I'm wrestling with:

I want to tell the story of how physical abuse in childhood can develop into an interest in SM in adulthood. I want to explain how my experience of SM feels different from what most other people describe and how my relationship with my husband is actually strengthened by it.

But I keep running into the wall of "the one thing I don't want to talk about."

When I write about a real event in my life (yes, after I turned 18 and before I left home), it's very real and packed full of the emotions that I want to express. It explains what I want to explain.

The true story is very disturbing *and* real *and* erotic. It has a tension for the reader between enjoying the story and being repulsed by it. It works.

But it's *my* story about *my* life. As some of you have pointed out, I'm not sure I can handle the kind of feedback I might get.

When I try to write a fictional tale, it just comes out sounding perverted. It's eroticism with no grounding in reality and it isn't partciularly meaningful.

Yes, there's a middle ground: a semi-fictionalized version of events that insulates me at some level. It's just that my writing skill isn't up to that kind of a balancing act.

I don't know what I'm even asking of you, other than to listen and maybe help me think about it.

Thanks for listening.

Hello love.

I haven't yet written a fully autobio thingy, but all barring one of my stories posted here are based loosely (to varying degrees) around events that I either witnessed, was involved with, or heard about from close friends.

I'm not good at making it all up, not in supposedly sensible tales anyway, I can invent off the wall humour etc, but not real fiction.
I need something to start from, and real events in my life seem like the best idea.

One posted story, is pretty damn close to the facts, the rest well spiced up versions of the real event.

Whether or not you write your true story, is up to you of course, we can but try to help you make your mind up, not tell you.

What you must consider is, will it hurt anyone other than you if they somehow read it, (for that matter do you care), will it hurt you later as you think of the implications, No! Then go for it if it's really what you want to do, or maybe need to do.

I'm part way through a story that if posted will be the first real life event I've written concerning me and my 'sig other'. I'm struggling like hell with it, real life is a damn site harder to write about than made up stuff I'm finding. Not just the emotional thing, but making it erotic enough for the readership without spicing it up as previously. My brief is this time to write the true story, not a spiced up version. It's a struggle but I'll get there.

Best of luck with your quest dear, I hope you write it, it sounds interesting.

 

[angela146]

Re: Hmmmmmmm

What you must consider is, will it hurt anyone other than you if they somehow read it, (for that matter do you care),

Unlikely. My anonymity is pretty well covered. In the story I'm thinking of posting, there were only three people in the room: mom, dad and me.

In the extremely unlikely event that one of them is reading Lit and recognizes the incident, I wouldn't mind. I doubt that they even remember it anyway.

Hubby is supportive of whichever way I go and has promised to give me lots of TLC if anybody hurts my feelings.

will it hurt you later as you think of the implications,

The $1 Million question...

... I'm struggling like hell with it, real life is a damn site harder to write about than made up stuff I'm finding. Not just the emotional thing, but making it erotic enough for the readership without spicing it up as previously.

Sometimes SO sex is really erotic *because* it's ordinary

... I hope you write it, it sounds interesting.

Thanks Pop (an ironic way of closing this post)

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Hmmmmmmm

Unlikely. My anonymity is pretty well covered. In the story I'm thinking of posting, there were only three people in the room: mom, dad and me.

In the extremely unlikely event that one of them is reading Lit and recognizes the incident, I wouldn't mind. I doubt that they even remember it anyway.

Hubby is supportive of whichever way I go and has promised to give me lots of TLC if anybody hurts my feelings.The $1 Million question...Sometimes SO sex is really erotic *because* it's ordinary Thanks Pop (an ironic way of closing this post)

The problem mainly is not so much the erotic nature of the event / s as they happened in my eyes, I never lost the boner for a month thinking about it. It's working it into the account the way the co-writer wants it written, (she's copy editing as I go along, bless), and it's her story as well.

A certain part of the event / s was a little bit of an anti-climax for me, but not for her, I want to tell it as it is, she wants it shall we say, bent a little.

Whichever way, I can't stop making it all seem contrived and full of cliche's, that's the trouble with real life, cliche's come from real life. Another problem, the whole episode and evening concerned was contrived, two devious people, contrived and counter contrived as it were, planned and plotted, in order to make it happen, until it all fell into place in spite of their efforts in the end.

I write bits, then sit back and read it, and say to myself, "That doesn't look right, that doesn't happen in real life".

Then I answer myself, "Don't be a twat, it happened didn't it, it's in erotic fiction, that sort of thing doesn't happen".

See my problem? I'll get there

By the way my middle name is Irony, *Hmm mental note to self*: Must have a word with mum and dad about that