Falling in love and then meeting?

[MissTaken]

"I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life "
~Savage Garden


Does it happen?
Can it happen?
Has it happened to you?
If you are involved with someone you met on line first, when did you first feel those symptoms of the "L" word? Before you met? After you met? Of did you simply reserve judgement until meeting?



No, I am not talking about on line cyber relationships. I am talking about two people e mailing, im ing and phone until the wee hours who feel something very special and who will meet, very soon.

What do you call it when your heart races, your palms sweat, you can't help but think about a future with someone you haven't met? When your first thought in the morning is of this person and your last thought at night is how wonderful falling asleep together will be?


Just curious.

 

[James G 5]

What do you call it when your heart races, your palms sweat, you can't help but think about a future with someone you haven't met? When your first thought in the morning is of this person and your last thought at night is how wonderful falling asleep together will be?


Just curious.

Obsession combined with unrealitic fantasy

 

[Ebonyfire]

"I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life "
~Savage Garden


Does it happen?
Can it happen?
Has it happened to you?
If you are involved with someone you met on line first, when did you first feel those symptoms of the "L" word? Before you met? After you met? Of did you simply reserve judgement until meeting?



No, I am not talking about on line cyber relationships. I am talking about two people e mailing, im ing and phone until the wee hours who feel something very special and who will meet, very soon.

What do you call it when your heart races, your palms sweat, you can't help but think about a future with someone you haven't met? When your first thought in the morning is of this person and your last thought at night is how wonderful falling asleep together will be?


Just curious.

I am not saying it can't work, but that is how I got to be here on the east coast.

Suffice it to say, it did not last. Not only did it not last, it went sour. But things are MUCH better without him. And there is always someone in the wings.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Falling in love and then meeting?

Obsession combined with unrealitic fantasy

Hmm sounds like mental health treatment is in order!

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Falling in love and then meeting?

I am not saying it can't work, but that is how I got to be here on the east coast.

Suffice it to say, it did not last. Not only did it not last, it went sour. But things are MUCH better without him. And there is always someone in the wings.

Yes, it happens.

What do you think was misleading or attributed to it not working?

I don't see myself ever relocating unles there is more incentive than someone special...the move would have to address those other real life needs that I have. (EB knows what I am talking about )

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Falling in love and then meeting?

Yes, it happens.

What do you think was misleading or attributed to it not working?

I don't see myself ever relocating unles there is more incentive than someone special...the move would have to address those other real life needs that I have. (EB knows what I am talking about ) [/QUOTE}

Well, I did not relocate primarily for him. The job was one I could not pass up, and I have not regretted the decision.

But the problem is that he just lied. Plain and simple. It is a long story, and he has since admitted he was not honest. If he had been honest, I might have stayed.

I had to leave my sub, in WA, and I could have moved closer to him, I could have found work there . Anyway, it was a promise reneged, but better things have come out of it.

In short, it turned out for the best.

 

[MissTaken]

Well, I am glad you are here, EB!

 

[James G 5]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Falling in love and then meeting?

But the problem is that he just lied. Plain and simple. It is a long story, and he has since admitted he was not honest. If he had been honest, I might have stayed.

And therein lies 99 44/100ths of the problem with "online love"

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Falling in love and then meeting?

And therein lies 99 44/100ths of the problem with "online love"

It was not online love.

We had met several times in person. He came to WA and I went here. We had met each other's families.

It was face to face lying. we were knew each other 1 year before I left. It went sour after a year.

 

[James G 5]

Frankly, what's worse about this is that the IDEA of "being in love" and THEN meeting is that it puts MAJOR unrealistic expectations on said meeting & the parties involved. It can stop a good thing before it STARTS if you expect too much and the other person doesn't live up 100%
As one of my Lit friends says, what if you meet the special person and he doesn't SMELL good or something?
A good rule in life is always friends FIRST
So meet someone, be FRIENDS, and THEN see if love comes around
Getting all crazy giddy over a voice and some typing is asking for a short drop with a quick stop
And yeah, I speak from bitter experience, and the bitter experience of others I know

 

[Ebonyfire]

Frankly, what's worse about this is that the IDEA of "being in love" and THEN meeting is that it puts MAJOR unrealistic expectations on said meeting & the parties involved. It can stop a good thing before it STARTS if you expect too much and the other person doesn't live up 100%
As one of my Lit friends says, what if you meet the special person and he doesn't SMELL good or something?
A good rule in life is always friends FIRST
So meet someone, be FRIENDS, and THEN see if love comes around
Getting all crazy giddy over a voice and some typing is asking for a short drop with a quick stop
And yeah, I speak from bitter experience, and the bitter experience of others I know

That was not the case with what happened to Me.

 

[Ebonyfire]

A good rule in life is always friends FIRST
So meet someone, be FRIENDS, and THEN see if love comes around
Getting all crazy giddy over a voice and some typing is asking for a short drop with a quick stop
And yeah, I speak from bitter experience, and the bitter experience of others I know

Friends lie. We knew each other. We had met several times. Not the same thing, is it James?

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Falling in love and then meeting?

And therein lies 99 44/100ths of the problem with "online love"

Hmm but it isn't on line...




But yes, there are horror stories out there.

Like the guy who loved me to pieces, would do anything for me. but lied about having children. He didn't have one child or even two. He had five children that he did not see, did not know where they were and did not pay child support for. And four mothers of those children who wanted nothing to do with him.

Hmmm and he wonders why this was a big deal?

Ya, I almost need an accidental birth and the lying prig to leave me on my own!

 

[James G 5]

That was not the case with what happened to Me.

I understand, I was talking about the concept in general

 

[Ebonyfire]

I am not an idiot

First of all, I would never change My life for a man.

A man can only be a factor, but not the reason.

Also, because I am poly, I was never in danger of being "left in the lurch". I had others in my life here.

I moved cause a company paid me money to move and work for them.

 

[James G 5]

Friends lie. We knew each other. We had met several times. Not the same thing, is it James?

Nope. It's not.
'least he didn't try to stab you to death in your sleep

 

[Ebonyfire]

Nope. It's not.
'least he didn't try to stab you to death in your sleep

Well there is that.

Come on, do you think it would be easy to stab Me in My sleep?

 

[James G 5]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Falling in love and then meeting?

Hmm but it isn't on line...




But yes, there are horror stories out there.

you said on the phone, snail mail, etc
which is why I included voice
Real time, real contact
Time to get to know someone
time to build trust
There is NO substitute
The other forms can be good ways to establish contact and START getting to know someone, and to supplement things once you've met
but they are NOT real if you've never met and even after can be an easier vehicle for lies

 

[James G 5]

Well there is that.

Come on, do you think it would be easy to stab Me in My sleep?

I'm here. obviously it wasn't that easy to do it to me

 

[Ebonyfire]

I'm here. obviously it wasn't that easy to do it to me

I worked in a mental hospital as a specialist for a few years. My first stab at graduate school was in the field of psychology. I am adept at spoting psychopaths and sociopaths.

And I have a healthy dose of street smarts that keeps Me on the straight and narrow.

 

[James G 5]

I worked in a mental hospital as a specialist for a few years. My first stab at graduate school was in the field of psychology. I am adept at spoting psychopaths and sociopaths.

And I have a healthy dose of street smarts that keeps Me on the straight and narrow.

I generally do OK
The person who did this to me was well known and active in the local community, had impeccable references, a live in slave girl, and 2 kids. She appeared to tbe the picture of stability.
I spent a lot of time with her online and on the phonem and got to know her in pseron over several visits.
The whole time she was hiding from EVERYONE who knew her that she had severe problems that were controlled with medications
Unfortunately, I made her feel safe and happy enough that for the first time in 10 years she felt she didn't need them anymore
Luckily, my one slip at catching this sort of thing didnt' cost me like it could have

 

[Ebonyfire]

I generally do OK
The person who did this to me was well known and active in the local community, had impeccable references, a live in slave girl, and 2 kids. She appeared to tbe the picture of stability.
I spent a lot of time with her online and on the phonem and got to know her in pseron over several visits.
The whole time she was hiding from EVERYONE who knew her that she had severe problems that were controlled with medications
Unfortunately, I made her feel safe and happy enough that for the first time in 10 years she felt she didn't need them anymore
Luckily, my one slip at catching this sort of thing didnt' cost me like it could have

That is true. Someone was looking out for you. And we are glad that she did not get you.

But you make a good point. Many people hide things over the years. People have been married to a person for years, and is the last person to find out that they did not know the person at all.

 

[Ebonyfire]

The concept of "being in love"

I just don't believe in it. I have posted a whole thread about it. I just think that romantic clap trap holds women back.

Love exists. But being "in love" is just an excuse to behave badly. Just My opinion.

 

[James G 5]

That is true. Someone was looking out for you. And we are glad that she did not get you.

But you make a good point. Many people hide things over the years. People have been married to a person for years, and is the last person to find out that they did not know the person at all.

"Well we all have a face/That we hide away forever/And we take them out and show ourselves/When everyone has gone/Some are Satin, some are Steel/Some are Silk and some are Leather/They're the faces of thre Stranger, but we love to try them on/.../Why were you so surprised/That you never saw the Stranger?/Did you ever let your lover/See the stranger in yourself?"

Billy Joel

And I'm pretty glad too

 

[James G 5]

Re: The concept of "being in love"

I just don't believe in it. I have posted a whole thread about it. I just think that romantic clap trap holds women back.

Love exists. But being "in love" is just an excuse to behave badly. Just My opinion.

I knew I loved you

My opinion too
the "being in love" bit is one of the primary lies created to propogate monogamy falsely, and one of the main ones behind it
I've always said my problem isn't with monogamy itself so much as the lies that come with it 'cause they do so much harm