Fall in love and make friends, by all means, but don’t get angry...

[Whispersecret]

Someone said, "And if someone does bother you, walk away, YOU ARE ON A COMPUTER not being spoken to face to face. I mean I could understand you getting so pissed off if you were actually talking to Lasher face to face, well anyone for that matter."

I've also seen people state that they don't get attached to people here, but then declare that so-and-so has been a good friend.

Why is it that people think that because this is computer communication that it's somehow less valid than any other type? Saying that people shouldn't get upset over something said to them here is invalidating stuff like this:

"I've made a couple of really good friends over the Net..."
"You guys were there for me when I was really feeling depressed from ____."
"Is anyone out there? It’s two in the morning and I could use a friend right now..."
"Hey everybody, I love someone here and she knows who she is..."

Statements like these are all over this board. Why is it that you shouldn't get pissed off, or hurt, or any other negative emotion, BUT if you fall in love, or make a friend, or get turned on, hell, that's okay! WAKE UP! This IS real for a lot of you. But you choose to only acknowledge the good stuff, because anything else is considered whining.

Now granted, I do believe some people, like DCL to name one, can keep themselves apart from the goings on here. (ALthough I have seen DCL fired up about a couple of issues here and there.) But not all of us are that...<searches for the right word> emotionally clear. You know what I mean?

Why does the fact that the words are said on a screen with some delay between exchanges somehow make the messages less heartfelt, bitter, cruel, comforting, etc.? As a teacher I've gotten plenty of notes from parents--some good, which fill me with joy, and some bad, which have moved me to tears. Am I an idiot for feeling something after reading those words just because they weren't said face to face? I don't think so. Why is this board so different? Someone explain it to me.

 

[Nicole]

Okay Whisper are we going for the direct hit in the face this time????

What I said was exactly that. IF YOU don't like it then walk away. You don't have to read it. It is on a computer. I accept that some people are not as thick skinned as others. What I am saying is that if for some reason you do not like what is being said by a particular person then skim past it for Christ sakes. That's what I do.

Yes I have made good friends on here, but there are also some that I don't always agree with, if that happens I stay out of their way. I don't read what they have written in case something ... Oh well lets see ... Something like this fuckin happens.

I was talking to someone yesterday, yes someone from here. They agreed that if you don't like someone or something then don't read it. Because we BOTH said that everyone has a right to be on the board, EVERYONE has the right to say as they please.

That means you and that means me Whispersecret. There has hardly been a time that I have agreed with you Whisper, but instead of starting a fuckin fight I just read it and move on. If someone wants to complain then complain, if someone wants to flirt then flirt. But WE as a group all have the right to say as we please.

And this time I DO NOT apologize. I am sick and Tired of hearing complaint after complaint about this person and That person. The thread I wrote that on was a FUCKING Complaint thread and that's what I did. I did not go into another thread and complain I did it there because that is what we were asked to do.

Have a nice day Okay now who wants to jump me first????

 

[Angelique]

Hey, Nikki, babe! Wanna meet me on the "bitching" thread...I think we can come out from under that rock now.

 

[Nicole]

Oh and Whisper if you read it properly what I was getting at there was ....


Lasher says what we are all feeling. That's the difference. We think it, he writes it. Then people jump on him about it. Are they jummping because he said it first?? Are they jummping because he had the guts TO say it??? Or are the jummping because they disagree????

 

[Carl East]

I personally don't like slagging anyone off, but even I have sprung to the defence of someone recently, mainly because I saw red.

But most of the time, I read everything, and if I don't like what's being said, I ignore it. I've found that the more you antagonize the perpetrater, the more he/she gets fed.

Can I be first Nicole.

Carl.

 

[Patryn]

I agree with Whisper, and Nicole can say 'fuckin' to me all she wants. This is PERSONAL communication. Not anonymous. I just referred to Whisper and Nicole personally, did I not? To me, that's not really any different than the face to face.

I have a VERY close friend I originally met on the net, and since have in person. For some odd reason, my room mate was convinced he was out to deceive me. Yes, he made up the fact that he had a chronic disease and lost his job to impress me. Sure...whatever.

 

[Nicole]

Patryn if you notice Whispher is saying to me that, "I have stated in the past that I have made many friends here and yes even fallen in love". That I have, so I agree that this is personal communication. Christ, as I read this I am crying on the shoulder of a loved one (Yes all the way in America, Me here in Austaralia).

I am not disputing that, and I have said on many ocassions that my friends online mean more to me than my friends in the real world. No arguments there, really there isn't.

What Whisper is saying is that in the complaint thread I stated "And if someone does bother you, walk away, YOU ARE ON A COMPUTER not being spoken to face to face. I mean I could understand you getting so pissed off if you were actually talking to Lasher face to face, well anyone for that matter." I still stand by that. Because as I also stated "There has hardly been a time that I have agreed with you Whisper, but instead of starting a fight I just read it and move on".

My point being that, Not everyone agrees all of the time, that is never going to happen, Not here and not in real life. Patryn tell me "If we were all the same, wouldn't the world be a boring place"? I think it would.

Look I said all of what I said on a board titled "Complaint's Dump it and Run". I didn't start a new thread, I didn't have a personal attack on someone for what they had said, I stuck up for someone that, beleive it or not, I admire. He say's what's on his mind but he say's it all in that appropriate thread.

I mean please people accept the fact that we all have bad days. Don't think of it as "Oh well that person has a thick skin, they won't mind" Just so you know how much this attack hurt me (and no I usually don't let things get me down) I have been crying since this damn thread went up. I said something that I had the right to say, and I got attacked for it, and yet when I attack back I'm the baddie. I'm sorry but I stick by the "If you have a right then I have a right too" motto.

I am not saying that Whispersecret shouldn't have said what she did, by no means, that's how she feels, and she has that right, but so do I. I admit that I come here and I flirt, but I do that because I am trying to have fun, I don't want to complain left right and centre, that's not me anyway.

Look to round this all off. We as the group of members that come here as ADULTS, have the right to say what WE want to say. If people jump on that, and they will, skip past that particular post, it doesn't take much.

Again Have a nice day

 

[Patryn]

I won't fight about this...I'll say only this: I realize you were/are angry, but spouting off, cursing and swearing didn't help, I shouldn't think.

You're only reading these words on a computer, now, right? I don't mean to be harsh, but if you stand by what you said, why does this upset you so?

I think this will be my last post on this thread...I don't see any need for an argument here.

 

[Endlessly]

Whoa.. *reading the argument(s)*

Forgive me for giggling..

But some things never change.

 

[Washingtonian]

Okay, I'm an outsider here, let me try to add an outsider's viewpoint.

Patryn, from what I see, whispersecret started the thread with an attack on nicole. Then nicole responded, a little miffed (justifiably) at the unsolicited attack. I don't think nicole was saying we don't form close bonds over the internet, she was saying we shouldn't get all upset over what people we do not personally know say and do. I agree. This is fun and it can be intimate, but it is ridiculous and insulting to say that the relationships between posters her who have never met each other in real life even approximate the level of intimacy I share with my wife and family. For that matter, even in your non-internet life you need to not take what acquaintances say to heart. Nothing personal whispersecret, but to start a thread just to personally insult another member is tantamount to the behavior I have seen you criticize Lasher and others for. That's my perspective, I'll go crawl back out of firing range now.

 

[Laurel]

Whoa.. *reading the argument(s)*

Forgive me for giggling..

But some things never change.

LMAO!!!!

 

[Siren]

 

[Nicole]

TrueAmerican ... Thank-you.

Hit the nail on the head.

 

[Guest]

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE HAS PENIS ENVY....NICOLE HAS THEM ALL AND YOU HAVE NONE

 

[Siren]

 

[Weird Harold]

Originally posted by trueamerican:
Okay, I'm an outsider here, let me try to add an outsider's viewpoint.

Patryn, from what I see, whispersecret started the thread with an attack on nicole. Then nicole responded, a little miffed (justifiably) at the unsolicited attack.

TA,
Nicole may have been quoted in Whisper's initial post, but then so were several other people. Nicole's name doesn't appear anywhere in the initial post.

I don't see anything of a personal attack in the intial post. I see an honest question about why people perceive things the way they do.

So, I'm going to answer that.
Whisper said:
Statements like these are all over this board. Why is it that you shouldn't get pissed off, or hurt, or any other negative emotion, BUT if you fall in love, or make a friend, or get turned on, hell, that's okay! WAKE UP! This IS real for a lot of you. But you choose to only acknowledge the good stuff, because anything else is considered whining.

I think that in the context of this board that people come here primarily to have fun. Taking offense and posting a heated reply takes some of the fun out of things.

This isn't a hockey game where people go in hopes of a fight breaking out, or a NASCAR race where people anxiously await the flames and flying parts of a crash.

this is more like a nice English Pub where people gather for companionship and conversation. Good natured, and even sometimes heated, debates are part of the attraction. Screaming cat fights and drunken brawls are not part of the attraction for most of us.

There are a few people who see this as a place they can drop in and start an argument and skip out before the cops arrive.

In a pub, it's not unusual to see someone crying in their beer, or celebrating a new love in their life. The regulars are sympathetic or congratulatory as required. However, when things get heated and personal the regulars in a pub will usually separate the combatants and call a taxi for them.

We can't call a cyber-taxi here, but we can pretend that posts that would start a cat-fight or brawl don't exist. We don't have to deal with the beer fumes from someone to antagonize us and the flight-or-fight instinct isn't triggered by someone invading our personal space.

The dynamics of a BB are like those of a cozy little pub, but the mechanics are different. It's not possible for others to separate combatants, so there has to be a bit more self-control exerted if the fights are to be avoided.

 

[Siren]

 

[Dreamer1]

Yes, another relative outsider's viewpoint. I read your post whispersecret and agreed with much of what you said but also completely agree with Nicole's point that we should be free to speak our minds! Censorship sucks!!!! I also loved your comment Endlessly! I do not post often but have read a great deal here and was that ever true. Having read multiple posts from both these lovely people I am saddened to see people lash out but if they both read the other's comments they will realize they are both right but also both guilty of hypocrisy. Whispersecret, while making a valid point, you seem to have done exactly what you have accused others of doing (while it was certainly not an attack with names attached). Nicole, you were so right on in so much of what you said but you obviously became emotional and angry, validating her point originally.
Again, you both seem like terrific people and I do realize not everyone will become fast friends here or IRL. I have never been accused of being naive.
I work in the court system with troubled kids and families and people say things that piss me off every damn day but I have developed a rather thick skin. This coupled with a generally caring attitude towards my fellow human beings and a smartass side allows me to survive in this crazy world.
We all need people like whispersecret.
We all need people like Nicole.
We damn sure all need people like DCL!

 

[Endlessly]

"We all need people?"
What the..?

I thought that went out the window when sextoys were invented.. oh well..

 

[Bodizefi]

I smell hipocricy on this thread like a fart in a car! Very amusing!

 

[Siren]

 

[Weird Harold]

Originally posted by Endlessly:
I thought that went out the window when sextoys were invented.. oh well..

Ah, Yes, The innocence of youth. <sighs>

I can't give you an exact date, because calendars hadn't been invented yet, but sextoys have been around almost as long as people have. The first tool may have been a rock to bash food on the head, but I'll bet the first dildo was second or third on the list of inventions. <G>


[This message has been edited by Weird Harold (edited 06-15-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Weird Harold (edited 06-15-2000).]

 

[Golden]

well one good thing has come out of all this - Endlessly's head is back above the parapet - welcome back hon! We missed ya! What's new?

Other than than - two people for whom I have developed real affection are going at each other's throats and I feel rather helpless ... could you maybe both come over here, each sit on one of my knees and we'll do big hugs, lots of tears and make up? Careful, Don't bounce Nicole my old knees won't cope ... that's better; Whisper? good, OK, big hugs ..... everyone else go off and post elsewhere while we sort this out .....

 

[Washingtonian]

Harold said: "Nicole may have been quoted in Whisper's initial post, but then so were several other
people. Nicole's name doesn't appear anywhere in the initial post."

True, but it's fairly obvious to anyone who's paying half attention to the board who she was talking about. You don't directly quote the words of another then attack those words and then try to claim it's not a personal attack. She also made a couple of remarks about Nicole on another thread, the "why don't people want to sleep with me" thread I think. I understand that she's your friend, Harold, but that does not make her right all of the time and other people wrong when they are against her. I understand your pub analogy, but why is it that you applaud whispersecret's right to state her piece by attacking the views of others, like she does in the post that starts this thread, but when others do the same you are critical of them? Either everyone has the right to speak their mind or no one does. It can't be that everyone has the right to speak their mind UNLESS they disagree with whispersecret's point of view. Granted, this is not an attack on her, I'm simply saying, Harold, that you cannot defend her right to start threads like this one and then say you don't support "screaming cat fights and drunken brawls". Her post is as inflammatory as others, if not more so. At least when Lasher, DCL, or Latina lets off a stinger there's some humor involved. I saw no humor in the post that started this thread, I saw only anger.

I guess my main objection is that as others have said there is hypcrisy at work. People who were vehemently opposed to other posters making attacks on people in another thread are here not only starting fights but defending others who are starting fights. Frankly I could care less who fights with whom. We're grown-ups, we choose to be in arguments or to not argue, but for people who are so vocally against negativity on the board to try to promote negativity with angry posts is hypocritical. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel. Now off I go into the trenches once more before the bullets begin to fly.

 

[Lasher]

This is actually the first time I've had a change of heart about something I posted. Sorry to disappoint those of you who missed the 500 word diatribe that was here. I just decided that this wasn't worth the effort....

Oh, and anything important I had to say was already said above.

It seems that trueamerican has become my Tyler Derden. (Remember what the first rule is?)



[This message has been edited by Lasher99 (edited 06-15-2000).]