fakes

[Andreina]

what percentage of bdsm people online do you think are fakes or "never-do wannabees"?

how do you make out a fake?

 

[FungiUg]

Your guess is as good as mine?

Also, it depends on your definition. Like, I know one woman (in real life) who would love to serve as a slut, but because of work and family commitments, just can't do it.

Also, some are uncomfortable about going beyond fantasy -- which is fine.

I expect it's those who say "oh yeah, been there, done that, experienced, happy to do it again" and are either lying (fakes), or have no intention of really doing more than just talking about it that are worrying you. For those... well...

You get them in all walks of life. Not just in relationships. I remember employing someone who made all the right noises in the interview, but then in reality had no idea how to do the job!

So... question, think, challenge, and trust your instincts. There's no infallible way of weeding out the unsuitable people, but certainly don't go on blind faith.

 

[WriterDom]

Fakes are relatively harmless. What you have to watch out for is people who think they know more than they do.

 

[FungiUg]

Fakes are relatively harmless. What you have to watch out for is people who think they know more than they do.

Er... is that most of us? *chuckle*

I have to beg to differ about fakes being harmless. I would say most of them are, yes. But some... are killers. Literally.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Er... is that most of us? *chuckle*

I have to beg to differ about fakes being harmless. I would say most of them are, yes. But some... are killers. Literally.

Preditors....and you can smell them a mile away.

 

[FungiUg]

Hmmm... well, I'm glad YOU can. But I guess not everybody can. Which is why I reiterate the need for caution and care and being safe. Learning to trust our instincts as well is also good!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hmmm... well, I'm glad YOU can. But I guess not everybody can. Which is why I reiterate the need for caution and care and being safe. Learning to trust our instincts as well is also good!

Exactly...never ignore the bad feeling you get in your tummy because it will only get ya in trouble that you probably dont wanna be in.

 

[WriterDom]

Er... is that most of us? *chuckle*

I have to beg to differ about fakes being harmless. I would say most of them are, yes. But some... are killers. Literally.

But why would a killer seek submissives, when nillas are so much easier? Find a lonely woman on the web it isn't difficult. Chat with her. Send her a few emails. Be nice at first, then a little more suggestive. Feed her fantasies. In two or three weeks she'll be begging to meet you. With no safe call or anyone else knowing.

I see a bdsm Predator as being much more cleaver. A Hannibal Lector type who has studied for years. A Ph.D. in Psychology, who also has practical knowledge.

 

[A Desert Rose]

what percentage of bdsm people online do you think are fakes or "never-do wannabees"?

how do you make out a fake?

So good to see you again, Andreina. Been a long time.

I think there are a lot of wanna-bes who are truly that... they want to do this very badly but have found no means or outlet to put it into practice, and might never.

If you are a fake, and you hang out at Lit long enough, you will be found out. (Remember the car wreck wench from last year on the GB?)

Wanna-bes and fakes are really dreamers at heart. Neither of those types are dangerous, usually.

I think like WD, that bdsm predators are a little different breed of person though. I have never had a stalker or anyone even close to a predator type bother me. To avoid those kinds online, it requires common sense and caution.

 

[Quint]

Huh. I don't really think about it. I know some people come across as overly eager to the idea...usually, those immediately go on my "ignore" list. There are some that I might think SHOULDN'T get involved in it for emotional reasons, but then again, I accept that I might also be reasonably thought of as one of those people. But as to who actually does it? The thought crossed my mind once today on a particular thread on the GLBT board, but I don't think about it here.

 

[Netzach]

Um, I still beg to differ here.

Not everyone who gets taken in by someone iis stupid, and there are some incredibly nuanced and intelligent liars in the world. They don't wear signs.

You can't "smell them a mile a way."
At least not all of them.

 

[lark sparrow]

Um, I still beg to differ here.

Not everyone who gets taken in by someone iis stupid, and there are some incredibly nuanced and intelligent liars in the world. They don't wear signs.

You can't "smell them a mile a way."
At least not all of them.

I agree - it takes time... and half of them don't even know they are lying.

 

[FungiUg]

Um, I still beg to differ here.

Not everyone who gets taken in by someone iis stupid, and there are some incredibly nuanced and intelligent liars in the world. They don't wear signs.

You can't "smell them a mile a way."
At least not all of them.

Bows, and chants "you are the guru!"

 

[hurtme]

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Some people (like myself) they are bad at putting things into words. Especially on the net. Not everyone can see nuances in a statement that may change the meaning considerably.
Also, one has to consider that we all have different standards of what consitutes those who are faking it. Someone who is fairly new to the scene and doesn't know much of anything might be considered "fake" because they don't know the meaning behind every inside term or practice. So like I said I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until it is crystal clear...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Fakes are relatively harmless. What you have to watch out for is people who think they know more than they do.

Have found these are usually the same ones who are fakes.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Um, I still beg to differ here.

Not everyone who gets taken in by someone iis stupid, and there are some incredibly nuanced and intelligent liars in the world. They don't wear signs.

You can't "smell them a mile a way."
At least not all of them.

Have to agree. Does not happen often to those who have good instincts, but it is dangerous to adopt the attitude your choices and instincts are infallible and above breaching. Is similar to the domestic violence perpetrator. Women who become their targets are more often than not in the highly intelligent bracket more so than the mistakenly believed gullible and over eager group.

Catalina

 

[Mr Blonde]

I could give a psychological checklist for spotting fakes. Last time I shared my algorithms someone tried to blast me, but oh well....this is modified for message boards.

1. Fakes always have way too many stories. Each post and turn of events slowly becomes more fantastic. They do not have routine or mundane comments. That is just nuts because even the most fascinating people will make pedestrian posts. If everything is over the top and provocative, that should send up red flags.

2. Constant oneupsmanship. It is a competition and they must always be seen in what they consider to be a favorable light. They will never just mumble "I tried" and simply exit stage left from a discussion. Everyone digs in their heels at some point, but these people never let anything go. Why would a normal and secure person have such obsessions?

3. Never showing any weaknesses or inconsistencies. Real people, even those comfortable and in control of large parts of their life, have issues and insecurities. Someone is deliberately filtering their posts if none of these ever come through. That doesn't mean you need to spill your guts all over the place, but if you come across as flawless then you are focused on an image. And that suggests fraud.

 

[navarre]

Um, I still beg to differ here.

Not everyone who gets taken in by someone iis stupid, and there are some incredibly nuanced and intelligent liars in the world. They don't wear signs.

You can't "smell them a mile a way."
At least not all of them.

You have no idea how right you are.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Ooops, better answer the damn question!

what percentage of bdsm people online do you think are fakes or "never-do wannabees"?

how do you make out a fake?

Probably 10% of the presumably factual posts in this forum are pure fantasy. Another 30% are probably "fudged" a little bit.

This is real life. I have let partners assume I am more or less experienced based on what they needed to think about me. But except for my first D/s experience, where we both knew it was new ground for each other, I have always made it clear I have SOME experience but do not have TONS of experience. And even when I was somewhat of a noob I always maintained caution and did not push beyond my own limits.

What do you want from a 30 year old guy? But then again, except for one pleasant accident I do not find partners online.

 

[s'lara]

Um, I still beg to differ here.

Not everyone who gets taken in by someone iis stupid, and there are some incredibly nuanced and intelligent liars in the world. They don't wear signs.

You can't "smell them a mile a way."
At least not all of them.

Agreed.

There is nothing wrong with relying on gut instinct to protect you from predators, however, i believe the movie version epiphany rarely ever happens. Some common sense and a good dose of reality helps.

lara

 

[hurtme]

I have been wrong before, but often times, I really will be able to "smell" someone a mile away. call it a vibe, call it instinct, but I have never been wrong when someone gave me an icky vibe. I have however been fooled...and trying to figure it out by IM conversations or emails makes it at least 50% more difficult, so I now err on the side of caution, which is hard for me to do, since i have a tendency to be careless...and assume nothing...nothing good, nothing bad...

 

[FungiUg]

Someone who is fairly new to the scene and doesn't know much of anything might be considered "fake" because they don't know the meaning behind every inside term or practice.

I usually try to separate them out, refer to them as "newbies", and give them a little additional lee-way. After all, it wasn't that long back that I was in that category myself!

 

[FungiUg]

I could give a psychological checklist for spotting fakes.[...]

Good points I think. I'd argue them, but you'd accuse me of one-upmanship and of faking it.

Actually, I agree with them. I remember one conversation in a chat room where I fell out of my chair laughing because this guy who had been in the scene for 20 years (longer than I) claimed he could make ANY woman cum on demand, and make her orgasm (singular, I queried) last for 30 minutes.

At this point I was reminded of a scene from the Goodies... "Faker! Faker!"

He obviously never met my ex-wife...

 

[catalina_francisco]

I remember one conversation in a chat room where I fell out of my chair laughing because this guy who had been in the scene for 20 years (longer than I) claimed he could make ANY woman cum on demand, and make her orgasm (singular, I queried) last for 30 minutes.

At this point I was reminded of a scene from the Goodies... "Faker! Faker!"

LOL...either that or he had the unfortunate experience of being with more than one woman who was a superb actress (or he was incredible gullible)....mind you to have so many fake for him he must have made them feel compelled to do so at some point likely just to get some peace and make him smile again. Egos can be the undoing of some.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

I find ego gratification is so much better when it's *me* who is being gratified, rather than some act. I guess it's why I don't get into sexual role-playing much.