Eye of the lover

[Khadgar]

Soundless well oiled gates swing open,
The path through them now clear.
A road of light leads me to the garden
Beyond the gates of blue oak.

Past the gates and into the beds of depth,
Gazing upon the carefully tended buds.
Hovering over them, waiting for them to bloom,
And show their true beauty, reveal their secrets.

Staying, to bask in the glow of the oasis,
Dreading the gates of deep blue close.
To shut me out for an eternity,
The swing of the pendulum.

Falling away, clouds passing over the locked gate,
Obscuring in their smoky darkness,
Their ethereal walls sealing.
Till they drop like fog.

And heaven meets you there with gates wide,
To live with the tiller forever.

 

[Rybka]

Critique

As I have said several times previously. I no longer give criticism in an open post. It arouses too much ire. That being said, I would suggest you reread your poem and consider changing your punctuation as a start. After that, if you want me to offer more specific suggestions, please feel free to PM or e-mail me.

Regards, Rybka

 

[Khadgar]

hmmm alright, i'll have another look at it.... thanks