explanations during hot action

[toetyper]

JJ looked down and saw his boner for the first time in his life.
,

should i take a sentence or two to explain that or just charge on

 

[SimonDoom]

JJ looked down and saw his boner for the first time in his life.
,

should i take a sentence or two to explain that or just charge on

I would say an explanation would be appropriate, especially if we assume, as would be required on this site, that JJ is over 18. If he's never had a boner until that point, he would a very unusual male. A curious reader would want to know why. Or perhaps he's had a condition in which he's been unable to look down. Or maybe he was blind and now he can see his boner for the first time. An explanation appears to be appropriate in this case.

 

[sr71plt]

That would be the sort of sentence--no further explanation at that point--that I would use as foreshadowing to be illuminated (not necessarily in words) later and have a connection to plot or characterization. If it wasn't going to be used I wouldn't put it there to begin with.

 

[hylas_]

Is this supposed to be the opening sentence of a story? If so, the story that follows absolutely should explain what on earth is going on here.

If it's not the first sentence of a story, then the parts of the text leading up to this sentence would probably help us understand what is happening here, no? It's certainly not a self-explanatory sentence, and one that you should build up to in some way.

If this is about a guy who has magically never had a boner until he was 18, I imagine that's the kind of stuff that gets the story rejected for trying to "sneak in" underage characters, even if the story claims they're over 18.

 

[Voboy]

Did he just lose a bunch of weight, or did he finally get glasses?

Kind of a funny line. Confusing, but also mildly intriguing with no context.

 

[toetyper]

he has cp and shared his bedroom with two younger sibling

 

[Voboy]

Ah. A "Speechless" thing?

If your description mentions that, then chances are none of your readers will need any further explanation. After all, folks don't generally read stories based on characters from shows they've never seen.

 

[toetyper]

Ah. A "Speechless" thing?

If your description mentions that, then chances are none of your readers will need any further explanation. After all, folks don't generally read stories based on characters from shows they've never seen.

yes ; however, this is an entry in the summer lovin contest so theyll be alot of newbies reading..,.,i hope

 

[rjordan]

Is this supposed to be the opening sentence of a story?

That would be a very compelling hook as an opening sentence. It would be impossible not to read further into the story.

rj

 

[NoJo]

What rj said. ^^^

In fact, I'd find an immediate explanation in the following sentence disappointing. Those who replied that an explanation would be required are right, of course, just wrong to say it would be immediately required.

 

[NoJo]

Kind of reminds me of this famous example of how to begin of a story:

"Mr -- lifted the lid of the rubbish bin and looked out."

 

[Privates1stClass]

JJ looked down and saw his boner for the first time in his life.

Was JJ blind and magically just acquired sight?

Mom always said I'd go blind if I looked at naked people, but I've never heard that having a boner would restore vision.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

That would be a very compelling hook as an opening sentence. It would be impossible not to read further into the story.

Um.. I'd assume he was 12 at most, and if I kept reading it would be to see if the story needed reporting. Any male abnormal enough to be having his first erection at 18 is going to be too weird for me to relate to in any way.

That said, if it was the opening line I'd immediately describe what he did with this new erection-thing he's discovered, and leave the reader wondering for a while how this odd state of affairs came to be. But I can't think of any explanation than a dream sequence.

I'd expect Laurel to go over it with a fine tooth comb.

 

[Voboy]

Was JJ blind and magically just acquired sight?

Mom always said I'd go blind if I looked at naked people, but I've never heard that having a boner would restore vision.

Um.. I'd assume he was 12 at most, and if I kept reading it would be to see if the story needed reporting. Any male abnormal enough to be having his first erection at 18 is going to be too weird for me to relate to in any way.

That said, if it was the opening line I'd immediately describe what he did with this new erection-thing he's discovered, and leave the reader wondering for a while how this odd state of affairs came to be. But I can't think of any explanation than a dream sequence.

I'd expect Laurel to go over it with a fine tooth comb.

Post #6, guys.

OP, this is the problem with fanfic/celebrity stuff. If you're writing for a general audience who doesn't know the show, you have to explain too much or people report you...

 

[Hypoxia]

he has cp and shared his bedroom with two younger sibling

Post #6, guys.

That's the one above. What is this 'cp' he has?

OP, this is the problem with fanfic/celebrity stuff. If you're writing for a general audience who doesn't know the show, you have to explain too much or people report you...

I've seen no references to fanfic/celeb stuff in this thread. Was your response meant elsewhere?

The OP's first line can work well with a not-too-mundane explanation sometime later. He sees his boner for the first time (and he's over 18). How could that be? Eventually, after he's had some boner fun, we learn that his eye surgeries succeeded -- blind since birth, the bandages were just removed. Now the question is, WHY was he standing naked with a boner when his eyes were unveiled? Are horny-kinky ophthalmologists involved? Is his boner of remarkable character and distinctive appearance?

 

[hylas_]

^ I did some quick googling based on the meagre information here. We're apparently talking about fanfic of a tv show called "Speechless", and the character has a condition called "Cerebral Palsy", which appears to be a physical disability, and possibly also mental disability, if I understood it right. How all this relates to boners, I still don't know.

So, to answer the original question: yeah, you absolutely should explain what on earth is going on.

 

[Voboy]

^ I did some quick googling based on the meagre information here. We're apparently talking about fanfic of a tv show called "Speechless", and the character has a condition called "Cerebral Palsy", which appears to be a physical disability, and possibly also mental disability, if I understood it right. How all this relates to boners, I still don't know.

So, to answer the original question: yeah, you absolutely should explain what on earth is going on.

This.

I would not expect placing this in a contest to guarantee added readership. I'd go as far as to say that failing to clearly label this a "Speechless" story is likely to lead to irate comments from readers who, through no fault of their own, will wind up with a story they've got no clue about and no interest in.

JMO. Many of the responses here bear me out, if you think about it.

The OP and I are both familiar with the show, so therein lies some of y'all's confusion with my replies. I'm just trying to help out the OP. For the rest of you: it's a hilarious show. Check it out.

 

[Lascivity]

I'd expect an explanation for something like this to have come up earlier in the text of the story. Dropping something like that in without any prior explanation feels awkward - like mentioning that the characters are riding horses or hanging out on the edge of a dying star only midway through a scene.