Ever had a family member on the ICU?

[BlondGirl]

My next-door-neighbor is on the ICU and has been for 3 weeks. (The surgical ICU--the one that is death's door). His odds are slim--apparently he was the victim of a stabbing.

He is a prick in most instances and an crusty-unwiped asshole on top of that. But he has his moments. (Obviously, we don't get along--His version of "sharing music" is the major issue here. Among other things.)

I still dislike the guy, but I know his wife is a sweet woman and I feel terrible for her. I am thinking of putting together a care package for her of useful items--any suggestions from someone who has been there? I intend to include some magazines and maybe 50$ for eating out (hospital food is expensive--might as well order out most of the time).
Any other suggestions?

Thanks.

(Oh, I will probably have this given anonomyously--When the guy gets better, I still would prefer he leave me alone. )

 

[Mistress]

The ICU is scary regardless of who is in it

 

[Tabby432]

You should ask the nurses. There are a lot of things that seem harmless that they won't allow. Check with them to be sure.

 

[Ksss]

I have spent numerous hours in the ICU with a family member. As Tabby said, ask the nurses what will be allowed in the room. Maybe some snacks, magazines, books or puzzles. Many hospitals give family members discounts for the cafeterias, you may want to check and see if you can have a meal sent to her.

Also, you may want to see if some of the neighbors may want to help out by mowing the lawn, taking her trash out, etc. Sometimes assisting with the everyday things helps out more.

 

[Stonedagger]

umm

Anything you send for the wife is fine - just think the ICU - noisy and boring - you like to be distracted from your own thoughts - so gifts along that idea are useful - mags, books, crosswords - things like that...as for food - you are correct but sometimes a nice flower brightens up the sanitary walls- gives a little life to a poor situation... hopes this helps
(from one o the nurses)

 

[Bluenose]

Hi blondgirl, I have worked in ICU and usually the main things that they refrain from having in there is Live plants.

The things that you mentioned are great and will help alot.
Something else you might consider is just basic toiletry Items that most people with family in critical care units don't think about because they are so worried. Anything along those lines help a great deal.

If you want some more info you can always PM me.

Also talk to Simply since she also works Trauma and she may have some suggestions too.

From one of the other Nurses

 

[*Lazer*]

Okay folks as a former ICU nurse before I became a PA here are some things that the nurses do not mind and some they HATE.

Suggestions for items

Patient; chap stick, mouth wash, favorite moisturizing lotions preferably non perfumed, small tape player (not expensive as it might get lost) compilation tapes of favorite music or voices of loved ones. pictures of pets kids etc. and balloons.

DO NOT SEND: Plants or flowers (send them to their house) large stuffed animals, food as you do not know if the person can eat or is on a special diet. Limited space and remember the patient will move and it is one more thing to lose.

Wife: personal care items, offer to mow her lawn or pick up her mail, when you cook a meal save part for her and take it up in one of those disposable plastic containers most hospitals have a cafe where she could heat it and it would save her money(parking fees and meals can tax her limited income). Puzzles, books and crafts if she enjoys them. Things she could do at the bedside. Newspapers, if the pastor doesn't know notify him so he can offer her support. Come up to the waiting area and take her outside for a bit on a walk. Most of all encourage her to take care of herself offer to coordinate what she wants others to know and relay the message to other friends and neighbors.


In this time of hospital cutbacks nurses are on a dead run to care for their patients. It is time consuming to deal with families who demand that the nurse give repeated reports to different members because they cannot trust or communicate with each other. Be reasonable and give the nurses a break. They work very hard and want to do a great job for your loved one. Remember that the staff are people too and need to eat, use the bathroom and get out of the stress. Most of all if you have a problem with a nurse be up front with them. Give them a chance to explain what they are doing and the reason sometimes they forget to and it is not because you do not matter it is because they may have forgotten. I know it is difficult and all that matters is your loved one but try and remember she/he has other patients who are loved too. If you are a health care person try not to complain about the caregiver in front of the wife it does not help it can do a lot of harm. Okay ran my mouth long enough.

 

[Bluenose]

Okay folks as a former ICU nurse before I became a PA here are some things that the nurses do not mind and some they HATE.

Suggestions for items

Patient; chap stick, mouth wash, favorite moisturizing lotions preferably non perfumed, small tape player (not expensive as it might get lost) compilation tapes of favorite music or voices of loved ones. pictures of pets kids etc. and balloons.

DO NOT SEND: Plants or flowers (send them to their house) large stuffed animals, food as you do not know if the person can eat or is on a special diet. Limited space and remember the patient will move and it is one more thing to lose.

Wife: personal care items, offer to mow her lawn or pick up her mail, when you cook a meal save part for her and take it up in one of those disposable plastic containers most hospitals have a cafe where she could heat it and it would save her money(parking fees and meals can tax her limited income). Puzzles, books and crafts if she enjoys them. Things she could do at the bedside. Newspapers, if the pastor doesn't know notify him so he can offer her support. Come up to the waiting area and take her outside for a bit on a walk. Most of all encourage her to take care of herself offer to coordinate what she wants others to know and relay the message to other friends and neighbors.


In this time of hospital cutbacks nurses are on a dead run to care for their patients. It is time consuming to deal with families who demand that the nurse give repeated reports to different members because they cannot trust or communicate with each other. Be reasonable and give the nurses a break. They work very hard and want to do a great job for your loved one. Remember that the staff are people too and need to eat, use the bathroom and get out of the stress. Most of all if you have a problem with a nurse be up front with them. Give them a chance to explain what they are doing and the reason sometimes they forget to and it is not because you do not matter it is because they may have forgotten. I know it is difficult and all that matters is your loved one but try and remember she/he has other patients who are loved too. If you are a health care person try not to complain about the caregiver in front of the wife it does not help it can do a lot of harm. Okay ran my mouth long enough.

Great points there Lazer, and she could always check with the hospital because most give discount parking for long term patient families

 

[Markov Cain]

Yes, I was going to point out that nurses have evolved from the care givers that we picture when we think of Florence Nightengale (sp?).

Performing the small personal services that they can no longer provide is most helpful. My wife runs one of those things and constantly have to break the news to the families that nurses just don't do that anymore and it is up to the family to help them with thier toilet, etc.

A cruel fact of modern health care.

Plus the nurses are scared shitless to do anything because of the countless lawsuits. My wife has to give up several hours a week dealing with depositions and testifying.

It is a crock. The new Patient's Bill of Rights, if passed will cause her to quit. She finally stopped carrying the malpractice insurance so the lawyers would stop going after her personnally and concentrate on the deep pockets of the Hospital and Doctors who still carry the insurance.

 

[stogie]

I found that a note pad and pen and/or a small tape recorder helps you keep track of the countless information bombarding you. When your mind is on your loved one it's hard to keep the info straight.

 

[BlondGirl]

Thank you so much for the suggestion. I will put things in a box to be sent to her. The wife works in the hosp, so quarters for the payphone are out (I had thought of that, but she can use her office) and she has no needs for parking.
I will go through this list again and put a box of things together for her.

Ironically, my sister is scheduled for surg tomorrow and her BF is freaking out--she will be on the ICU for one night (hopefully) and she is prepared for BOREDOMMMMMMMM--I am taking her some hand held video games--poker, solitare, etc. I might get one for my neighbor's wife too--the poker game is 5$ at walmart.

Any more suggestions?

(Oh, and I am not offerring anythign to him--refer to my statement about his condition--he is still intubated and is not exactly communicative--he needs nothing that i could possibly provide except some encouragement to his wife. And they will not know where this is coming from--the guy used to hit on me all the time. It will be given to them from a neighbor who is rallying support.)

 

[Simply Me]

You should ask the nurses. There are a lot of things that seem harmless that they won't allow. Check with them to be sure.

Very good point Tabby. I was recently telling a friend about a patient of ours that we had for months in our ICU that was Trached and was weeks away from going to rehab then home.
The family wanted to give him water, I told them no and explained in depth why. They chose to go against what I told them, gave him water, he aspirated and coded. We lost him.
There are reasons for everything we tell you. We really are not trying to be cruel.

As for the family of this person BlondGirl, you have received some good advice. But don't send flowers into the ICU. They are known to be carriers of bacteria and disease. Many of the patients Immune System is already lowered. I don't know of any ICU's that allow flowers and plants. Wait till they go to a regular room.

Balloons are nice but take up lots of room and we nurses really don't prefer them in there.

Most of our Trauma Patients are Intubated and critically Ill. They also tend to swell alot and become unrecognizable to family members. I tell all the families to bring pictures of the patient into the room and we hang them on the wall. It helps us Nurses to Identify with the patient more as well. To realize they have families and children and people that love them.

Good luck to your sister, hope things go well .

 

[Bluenose]

Good advice there Simply.

ICU rooms are much to small to do any work and have those balloons around.

 

[JenJ]

Having spent a couple weeks when my husband was in ICU books, crosswords and stuff of that sort is a wonderful thing. Basically anything that will keep your mind off of things for a short time is a very good thing.

 

[BlondGirl]

Thank you again to those of you who read my original post as well as my responding post and understood that I WAS NOT INTENDING OT TAKE ANYTHING TO THE ICU!!!!!

(I had to get that off my chest!!! Damn! How many times did I have to say that the guy is a total asshole and that he is not getting shit from me?!?!?!? I just want to scream out, "Answer the damned question!!!!!")

I have worked in a major trauma center hospital (One that had 8 individual intensive care units.) I know about what goes into the ICU--I was asking about things for the wife--preferably things she could carry in her bag that was most useful--This is also why I asked for someone who actually had "been there, done that" as opposed to any employee who had ever been working the floor.

(Sorry to be so snippy but even after I posted a response about this--people still did not seem to get it!)

Any other suggestions for a care package for the people who are stuck in the waiting room for weeks ( from people who actually know what it is like is) appreciated.
I, myself, will be spending tomorrow evening and possibly the following day waiting for my sister who will be in the SICU after surg in the am. I am sure that will give me a bit of insight, but I also know that will be majorly different than the intense lack of sanity that can occur from ongoing despair and grief. I would like to help decrease the urge my neighbor's wife must be going through to go postal.

Thanks.

 

[Markov Cain]

I never got it and still do not, but I am dumb.

My life revolves around the local hospital, so I tried to help.

I am so stupid.

 

[BlondGirl]

Oh yeah--i also must add that I, personally, don't give a shit about the nurses on the ICU--I have worked with all of these people and know them (except for a few floating strays or newbies). I will not be going to visit. I will not interact with the nurses. I will not be speaking to the nurses. I will not be helping the nurses. I will not do anything except pack a box or bag and send it ANONYMOUSLY to the wife.

So far on my list:
Cash
notepad and pen
puzzle books ($3.50 for a variety puzzle book at Walmart)
magazines (The hospital has a pretty good selection and she is probably aware of all the good stashes though)
a card
a cheap hand held video game
a Bible
wipees for her
lotion
Binaca spray
snack things-cereal bars and such
tea bags (they have hot water on spout in each ICU kitchen)
instant soup
printed out (edited) internet jokes
a pair of socks or two (it can be freezing in there)
a note stating that they are in our prayers
I'd like to send this before the end of the week (depending if I come home or not from Houston with my sis)

Any more suggestions?

 

[Orlanth]

I was in ICU for a week. I had spinal fusin. I remember waking up chocking on the damn machines they put you on to keep you alive.

Not all people in the ICU die, I know, I was in a ICU once.

 

[*Lazer*]

Maybe a journel too for her to write in or some inexpensive stationary and stamps for her to answer cards and write down some of her fears feelings etc. A small dogbone type pillow for her too might be helpful if she is elderly. Sometimes the furniture is very hard for older folks to sit on with any comfort. A zippered sweatshirt for those days when the air is turned up too high. Otherwise you have quite a complete package of items to help her out. It is very thoughtful of you.

 

[SteamyChik]

I know that everyone seemed be answering the wrong questions, but I read all the responses with interest. I'm going to take notes. You never know when the suggestions for both will come in handy.

What great advice you can get on this board!

 

[floridaguy64]

My next-door-neighbor is on the ICU and has been for 3 weeks. (The surgical ICU--the one that is death's door). His odds are slim--apparently he was the victim of a stabbing.

He is a prick in most instances and an crusty-unwiped asshole on top of that. But he has his moments. (Obviously, we don't get along--His version of "sharing music" is the major issue here. Among other things.)

I still dislike the guy, but I know his wife is a sweet woman and I feel terrible for her. I am thinking of putting together a care package for her of useful items--any suggestions from someone who has been there? I intend to include some magazines and maybe 50$ for eating out (hospital food is expensive--might as well order out most of the time).
Any other suggestions?

Thanks.

(Oh, I will probably have this given anonomyously--When the guy gets better, I still would prefer he leave me alone. )

Actually, I have been there all too often with family members.......


My mom succumbed to Leukemia in Oct. of 1996 and my dad to Hodgekins Lymphoma in Aug. of 1997............... ask the the nursing staff as to what would be good for the patient, yet from what I gather from your post............... ask yourself what would make you feel better as a female, were you in the same situation as your neighbor's wife, and "IF" you really want to do something, concentrate your efforts on her........... she will most definately need more short term support in this situation than he will. Remember, he is getting the best care possible, while she, in her grief, is subjecting herself to self neglect in his behalf.

Trust in one that has been there.................... you'll be more appreciated in the long run concentrating your efforts on her. Whatever it is that you think would make you feel more comfortable in the same situation, I'm sure would be good for her as well.


And yeah, I got what you meant from your original post. You are obviously not concerned much for him, yet you are human, and seem deeply concerned for what his wife is enduring. For that, consider yourself very human, caring, and obviously a very good person.

As my mom would have said to you, were she here to read your thread, God bless!

 

[BlondGirl]

Maybe a journel too for her to write in or some inexpensive stationary and stamps for her to answer cards and write down some of her fears feelings etc.

Ohhhh.. This is very good. Thank you.

And for the other suggestions.

She has an office IN the hospital, so I would assume she has her office stocked with a jacket and possibly a pillow. This hospital gives folks eggcrates to sleep on and pillows--and her working there means she has already developed the "you-scratch-my-back-and-I'll-scratch-yours" system. (Reminds me of M*A*S*H!)

I have been the patient, but never the "loved-one". I can only relate to the patient experience (The BEST THING I had was a bittle of binaca spray--so that when I was thirsty, I could spray a shot of that and it would make me slobber a bit and relieve the dry mouth--4 days in a high leve nursing area--was not allowed to consume fluids or even brush my teeth--it was awful--I packed one for my sis last night and an extra is in my truck. Keep this info filed away somewhere in your brain for future reference.)

A fwe packages of gum just occured to me too.

This woman has a hard lot in life--her husband has always been involved or in trouble with the law. Her kid is one that has been left to the school to raise and now she gets to reap the "benefits"--he was out breaking windows in the neighborhood at 1 am this morning--was out again making a bunch of noise at 3--I have not gone out to check my truck yet--don't even want to go see at this point. (Yes, the police were involved--I heard screaming and went to go look--just then, the police were driving up.) I feel for her--she seems the type to let others do all the decision making and to just "go-with-the-flow".

Enough of my rambling--any other good suggestions are always appreciated. (I thought about including a small container of deoderant--but would that be insulting? She could use it on her AND on him--they only use powder in the ICU and some of the patients get mighty smelly!)

 

[BlondGirl]

UPDATE: 6 months later

As we were walking on the beach this morning, we ran into my neighbor. He was walking with his niece on his shoulders and enjoying the crowds. This is the first time we have actually seen each other since his "accident". We greeted each other and I told him how good it is to see him out there walking around and being healthy.

I can't even begin to describe how it makes my heart feel too. I am glad the schmuck is okay.

(Oh, I posted this update because I thought some of you fine lit-folks would appreciate knowing the outcome. All the PM's and e-mails I got of encouragement made me more inclined to believe in the greatness of this little 'net community.)

 

[Cheyenne]

Very cool.

Sometimes an experience like that changes a person's personality. They go in a schmuck, but come out more human. Maybe that happened here.

 

[sch00lteacher]

Ever have a family member on the ICU?

Yeah, me. Does that count? Actually it was the CICU.

My wife could have used help at home. Someone to walk the dog and take care of the cats. She had to run home and do that (our kids were out of town at Grandma's house). So she was always running back and forth.

We needed help getting my Jeep home. When I had the heart attack we were stuck with a second vehicle and no one to drive it.

These are at least two things I can think of outside of the ICU itself.

God that was a terrible time. I was too damn sick to be scared of dying. Later it hit me.