Ever do it nilla style anymore?

[Cirrus]

Or am I weird? I love BDSM. About half the time. And I love nilla sex. About half the time. I couldn't (and haven't been in past strictly nilla relationships) be satisfied with just one all the time. My Dom is the same way. I refer to him as my Dom because that is what he is...even when we're not playing he controls certain behaviors and aspects of my life. We're not 24/7, and I'm not expected to serve him or defer to him on everything, but I know the things that I need his approval for.

Still, in the bedroom, sometimes we just like a nice, sweet, slow session in the missionary position. Are we alone here?

Also, for anyone that cares to answer, do you females, or males or females with female partners, find the desire to play or to play harder congruent with menstruation at all? I find that right before and right after my period, I want to play hard. I want to be TAKEN and HURT in a major way...can't quite figure that one out...especially since I'm on the pill so my cycle is essentially "fake".

 

[P. B. Walker]

I'm with ya on this one Cirrus. If I were in a relationship, which unfortunately I'm not, I would not be into BDSM 100% of the time. I still need my vanilla sex. I definitely do not think we are alone in that respect.

I don't know about the period thing. But I have had several women lovers/girlfriends in the past that would get VERY frisky around that time of the month. They loved to have more physical sex.... so I can see where you are coming from in that respect too.

PBW

 

[MsWorthy]

Or am I weird? I love BDSM. About half the time. And I love nilla sex. About half the time. I couldn't (and haven't been in past strictly nilla relationships) be satisfied with just one all the time. My Dom is the same way. I refer to him as my Dom because that is what he is...even when we're not playing he controls certain behaviors and aspects of my life. We're not 24/7, and I'm not expected to serve him or defer to him on everything, but I know the things that I need his approval for.

Still, in the bedroom, sometimes we just like a nice, sweet, slow session in the missionary position. Are we alone here?

You are definitely not alone on this. The majority of our sex is what would be considered 'nilla sex (for lesbians anyway). There is always an element of my control, in everything we do, sex, discussion, watching tv, but there is nothing overtly bdsm in our sex life 60% of the time.

Also, for anyone that cares to answer, do you females, or males or females with female partners, find the desire to play or to play harder congruent with menstruation at all? I find that right before and right after my period, I want to play hard. I want to be TAKEN and HURT in a major way...can't quite figure that one out...especially since I'm on the pill so my cycle is essentially "fake".

Yes, I do find a correlation between bdsm sex (if you will) and menstrual cycles. Although I am in menopause, I still have cycles (I just don't have bleeding), and I have more of an urge to scene during the week before my period (the time that would be before my period, if I had one).

 

[A Desert Rose]

Shit no

I seem to not be doing it in any fashion anymore LMAO....

Rose

 

[Ebonyfire]

Vanilla?

To me there is no such animal as vanilla sex, there is just sex.

And I have as much of it as I can get.

Ebony

 

[Red Menace]

Re: Shit no

I seem to not be doing it in any fashion anymore LMAO....

Rose

You're not alone, Rose. I haven't had sex in so long I probably forgot how.

But if I was in a relationship, the sex would have to be a combo of BDSM and nilla.

 

[Andreina]

Or am I weird? I love BDSM. About half the time. And I love nilla sex. About half the time. I couldn't (and haven't been in past strictly nilla relationships) be satisfied with just one all the time.

join the club

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Shit no

You're not alone, Rose. I haven't had sex in so long I probably forgot how.

But if I was in a relationship, the sex would have to be a combo of BDSM and nilla.

They tell me it's like riding a bike- you never really forget.... LOL

Let me be reminded then and SOOOON.

Rose

 

[lilfrk]

We have a little girl and so our BDSM sex lives are less because of her and because of our schedules. We really have to plan to get a good long play session. So I think a really big part of our sex lives would be just vanilla, maybe with a couple of sprinkles thrown in to make me want more.

 

[Quint]

Let you know when I have the opportunity again. o)

Seriously, since I see T so painfully little, I have at least a month's worth of BDSM needs to be fulfilled. He's the same way. Perhaps if we had longer together I could be happy alternating (occasionally) with nilla...but I really don't know. He has some degree of control over just about all of me, and so far I can't turn that off even when we are being friendly or loving. It's always there. Inevitable that it manifests. But that's just how our relationship is...the line between D/s and T/Quint is pretty invisible.

And OH yes, I crave roughness and sex in general much more around my period. superlittlegirl said once that she could tolerate pain much easier in the week after her period than the week before it. I haven't done extensive research on this yet, unfortunately...but I do know that pain's sounding pretty damn good right about now. o)

 

[lillum]

Still have vanilla sex?oh yes not a lot,but when we do it's very overwhelming filled with such love and tenderness...lillum

 

[Cirrus]

lillum, you bring up what I think I was trying to get at. I know a lot feel differently, but it's kind of hard for He and I to express love when we engage in BDSM. There was one time, he had just gotten back from vacation, that we were going to play, in fact got half way into it, and it just didn't feel right...not affectionate enough, so we called it off.

Lately, He and I have been having some problems. We've been working hard and I think we're going to get through it, but we haven't really played since the start of them. We can't be together as much as we'd like since I have class during the day and work evenings, so when we are together, lately we want to express that we still care for each other. We might possibly play tomorrow, which would be the first time in about a month.

 

[Verypowerful]

Re: Vanilla?

To me there is no such animal as vanilla sex, there is just sex.

And I have as much of it as I can get.

Ebony

Eb, sometimes you just bring the biggest smile to my face.

As for 'nilla sex; nope: no desire and no action. I express everything within my lifestyle, which actually was not the way that I expected to feel. However, there's nothing exciting in it for me anymore.

VP

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Vanilla?

Eb, sometimes you just bring the biggest smile to my face.

As for 'nilla sex; nope: no desire and no action. I express everything within my lifestyle, which actually was not the way that I expected to feel. However, there's nothing exciting in it for me anymore.

VP

It happens. I only date vanillas who walk on the "wild side".

However, my days of vanilla dabbling are probably coming to an end very soon.

Eb

 

[lillum]

lillum, you bring up what I think I was trying to get at. I know a lot feel differently, but it's kind of hard for He and I to express love when we engage in BDSM. There was one time, he had just gotten back from vacation, that we were going to play, in fact got half way into it, and it just didn't feel right...not affectionate enough, so we called it off.

Lately, He and I have been having some problems. We've been working hard and I think we're going to get through it, but we haven't really played since the start of them. We can't be together as much as we'd like since I have class during the day and work evenings, so when we are together, lately we want to express that we still care for each other. We might possibly play tomorrow, which would be the first time in about a month.

.. Sounds like such a stressing time for you,I so sorry.Sometimes the outside world takes up so much time from other pleasures.Keep thoes lines of commuinication strong!Good luck...lillum

 

[luvsubbbbb]

Or am I weird? I love BDSM. About half the time. And I love nilla sex. About half the time. I couldn't (and haven't been in past strictly nilla relationships) be satisfied with just one all the time.............

about 2 years ago i befriended a very nice female locally and we hung out together for about 6 months...we talked......went out to dinners.........movies.......shared personal conversations and stories......but sexually, we were just about "nowhere"......

she knew about my interest in BDSM (was actually intrigued by it) and that i was a submissive, but since she was as much sub as i was, we *never went there*.......

so.......to answer your question, vanilla sex (without the power exchange) has no appeal to me........

hhmmm.......but then again, i wonder if being *strongly coerced* to have vanilla sex ("ugh!!...oh no!!.....please!!...not THAT!!....somebody HELP!!") constitutes a form of submission in and of itself??

 

[Cirrus]

lovesubbb, I think it does. On occasion, when He is irritating with me, he's withheld play. He knows I can live without it, so can He. But if I want to play but haven't earned it, it's nilla for us. Still enjoyable, but if I'm in a mood to play, I learn my lesson.

 

[luvsubbbbb]

lovesubbb, I think it does. On occasion, when He is irritating with me, he's withheld play. He knows I can live without it, so can He. But if I want to play but haven't earned it, it's nilla for us. Still enjoyable, but if I'm in a mood to play, I learn my lesson.

good example, cirrus......that makes a lot of sense