Ever been "Exhausted" ?

[TirelessTongue]

Currently I am single and haven't been with anyone for nearly a year. I've dated a few women between then but nothing sexual or intimate happened. It is rather frustrating with the dating websites here and there and hard to catch anyone's attention and interest.

In the past, when I was in my mid to late 20's, I was pretty much the "nice guy". I've been hurt many times during that period, however I've also have some of my most memorable times. Over those years, I've seen and endured all kinds of shit that women threw at me. Yet I still maintained the nice guy attitude, or perhaps tried.

Now I feel liked I've sort of "toughened" or "desensitised" myself a bit too much. In the past 2 years or so, I've had no problem burning bridges, telling women off, and just not caring anymore. In the past, I would have done my best to maintain relations and would have gone out of my way. Today, I'm more inclined to forget about it and not care. For example, I dated a woman on a friday night and things went well, we hit it off. I didn't call her until four days after and she mentioned she met someone else. In the past, I would have called her the next day, but instead I waited much longer. Right now I don't even care about it.

I just feel exhausted since I'm just tired of the dating scene, but I want to be with someone. I mean I am a nice guy when I am with someone. However, I'm more apt to let it slip away if I find the slightest bit wrong.

Has anyone ever felt this way? I just haven't been putting much effort into finding dates, or dating as I used to since I'm tired of all the shit I've been through. I guess I'm just anticipating it.

Thanks for reading my long rant........sorry it is so long.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Your problem is your looking to hard, not "I'm not looking hard enough". You know, I am kind of like you. I don't put to much though (I do care) into things. I think you need to change that part of your attitude. If you show a women that your attitude is "I don't care" then they will think that is how you not, not carring. Maybe change you look on it and instead of I don't care, be more "I just don't put to much thought into it"

But back to my orginal point. I think you are looking to hard. When we get into that groove of wanting to be with someone, but hating the dating scene, it makes it very difficult to even do anything. Plus it effects you more mentally because you get frustrated with the way things are going. If you are exhausted of the dating scene, then don't date. You want to be with someone, work on building close friendships. I find these work best. Instead of huge groups, get 3-4 people you are close with. By building friendships, you take your mind off of dating and will actually show yourself as more open to the world. For some reason, women can tell when I guy is looking and when he is not. And the conclusion I have come to is that guys looking are not themself. Your the nice guy, thats good, but a nice guy looking (as I have known first hand) is not good at all.

You want to date someone, you got to start carring. I am the nice guy, I use the "I don't care" alot as well, but people know I do, because that is who I am. You start to care more about the people you are with, in a way that is offensive and defensive, you will see a better increase in dating, and in not getting hurt.

Ravin

 

[LadyJeanne]

There's nothing wrong with stepping back if you're tired of dating. Take a break. Focus on the other aspects of your life - family, friends, job, hobbies, sports, volunteer work, etc. Live your life.

Based on your post, I'm guessing you're somewhere in your early 30's? As a guy, you will become more and more 'valuable' in the dating pool as you get older. Straight, single guys your age become more scarce - you've heard the stats about women being more likely to be hit by lightning than getting married after they're 35, or something like that. That's probably an exaggeration, but there is some truth to it. You've watched Sex and the City, I'm sure!

But now is not the time to start being an ass. Women in their 30's appreciate nice guys. They also have been hurt by the assholes in their 20's, may have overlooked the nice guys, but now they're a lot smarter and have learned to avoid the bad boys.