Euro English?

[TheeGoatPig]

Just for a laugh (though I do agree with a few of these changes ).

Sounds like something the UN might have invented!

"The European Union commissioners have announced that
an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the
preferred language for European communications, rather
than German, which was the other possibility. As part
of the negotiations, the British government conceded
that English spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will
be known as Euro English (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the
soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this
news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced
with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond
year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by
"f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent
shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the
language is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud,
of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik
zey vunted in ze forst plas.

 

[bronzeage]

zat hurts my hed.

 

[PoppingTom]

vut ze fukk...

 

[stephen55]

OMG, it's starting again...

In my university days, I saw a sign on the door of some lab that went something like this....


Zee Eequipvempt Is Nacht Fur Der Kumlsy MuttenHed Pimplpok Untergrud. Ist MuckExpensive Und Brekender Shnel. Keep Das Kottenpicken Finger In Das Pokets Und Watch Das Blinkenlight!!

 

[Handley_Page]

In my university days, I saw a sign on the door of some lab that went something like this....


Zee Eequipvempt Is Nacht Fur Der Kumlsy MuttenHed Pimplpok Untergrud. Ist MuckExpensive Und Brekender Shnel. Keep Das Kottenpicken Finger In Das Pokets Und Watch Das Blinkenlight!!

it was, I believe, first used on the control panel of an old IBM computer suite.

 

[Verdad]

Just for a laugh (though I do agree with a few of these changes ).

Ze dabl letrs shud go.

 

[glynndah]

You've all been talking to my husband, right? He's still trying to convince the world to spell things phonetically.

 

[oggbashan]

I remember this on an IBM1401 mainframe in the early 1960s.

ACHTUNG!
Alles touristen und non-technishen looken peepers!
Das machine is nicht fur der fingerpoken und mittengrabben.
Is easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und popencorken
mit spitzen sparken. Das machine is diggen by experten only.
Is nicht fur gerwerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken
sightseeren keepen das cottenpiken hands in das pockets.
Relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.

Then I was one of the experten.

Og

 

[Handley_Page]

Thanks, Ogg,
I knew I'd seen something like it before.

 

[stephen55]

Thanks

I remember this on an IBM1401 mainframe in the early 1960s.

ACHTUNG!
Alles touristen und non-technishen looken peepers!
Das machine is nicht fur der fingerpoken und mittengrabben.
Is easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und popencorken
mit spitzen sparken. Das machine is diggen by experten only.
Is nicht fur gerwerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken
sightseeren keepen das cottenpiken hands in das pockets.
Relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights.

Then I was one of the experten.

Og

That's it, Og. What I didn't mention was that one day I went into the lab on my own time to complete some assignment and I blowenfusen und popencorken and otherwise messed up bigtime.

 

[OnlyByMoonlight]

I have had a shitty day and that just turned it all around. It made me snort my latte all over the German guy sitting next to me.

Thanks for the laugh