iclimaxedonher
Virgin
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2014
- Posts
- 3
I wrote this story A Climax Story: The Angry Job... http://privateclimax.wordpress.com/2014/06/07/a-climax-story-the-angry-job/
should i keep going?
should i keep going?
Erotic Story
- Thread starter iclimaxedonher
- Start date
I
Iceprincess12
Guest
Usually I don't comment on grammar or spelling but wow. You should have proofread that about 10 times before submitting it. It took 4 paragraphs before she got to her front door...boring. Also you seem to love opening and closing doors, spend more time on the actual story. I didn't get past the part where she asked the guy to check on the door in the cafe. This was too poorly written for me to struggle through. Forgetting about grammar for a moment, the story doesn't flow, I couldn't care less that her husband is cheating on her, she didn't seem to care either. It wasn't arousing, just boring. Work on the grammar, giving more of a personality to Cynthia and then submit it again.
PennLady
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2009
- Posts
- 9,413
First off, this feedback forum is really for stories posted to Lit itself.
Second, I have to agree with IcePrincess. This is poorly written. I don't know if it's a first draft, or if you didn't get the basics down at some point, or what, but the punctuation and grammar are not good. Like IP, I didn't read too far; if you want me to read something that you consider to be finished, then it should be readable.
Third, if you want to keep writing, keep writing. You'll only improve with practice. However, I'd see if you can find someone to edit for you, or at least read things over. If that doesn't work, look around for sites on grammar and punctuation. That would be a good first step toward improvement.
Second, I have to agree with IcePrincess. This is poorly written. I don't know if it's a first draft, or if you didn't get the basics down at some point, or what, but the punctuation and grammar are not good. Like IP, I didn't read too far; if you want me to read something that you consider to be finished, then it should be readable.
Third, if you want to keep writing, keep writing. You'll only improve with practice. However, I'd see if you can find someone to edit for you, or at least read things over. If that doesn't work, look around for sites on grammar and punctuation. That would be a good first step toward improvement.
Hypoxia
doesn't watch television
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2013
- Posts
- 28,080
Ditto the above. I read the first four poorly-written paragraphs and quit. You need an editor + co-writer. I ain't volunteering. I'll guess you maybe tried submitting the story on LIT, was rejected for bad orthography, and posted it on a hard-to-read no-questions-asked site. Oy.
My serious suggestion: Read published fiction and nonfiction. Short stories, magazine articles, anything. Don't read for the content. Read to see how such accessible writing is structured -- how clauses, sentences, paragraphs, and stories are put together.
Sexual content aside, does your piece look ANYTHING like published writing? Nope. So, learn at the feet of the masters; ie, plagiarize. Take an existing story, printed on paper, and key it in, plugging in your own nouns, verbs, adjectives etc, just to get the feel of writing readable prose. Do it again. And again. Practice, practice, practice. THEN, write something original and submit it.
Good luck.
My serious suggestion: Read published fiction and nonfiction. Short stories, magazine articles, anything. Don't read for the content. Read to see how such accessible writing is structured -- how clauses, sentences, paragraphs, and stories are put together.
Sexual content aside, does your piece look ANYTHING like published writing? Nope. So, learn at the feet of the masters; ie, plagiarize. Take an existing story, printed on paper, and key it in, plugging in your own nouns, verbs, adjectives etc, just to get the feel of writing readable prose. Do it again. And again. Practice, practice, practice. THEN, write something original and submit it.
Good luck.
D
DarkPleasures
Guest
Are you a Literotica author? If not, against the rules to link stories from non Lit locations asking for feedback. They consider it spam.
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