Erotic love poems-- need help

[hot4teacher1975]

In search of EROTIC poetry in the form of love poems.
I need some inspiration.
Interested in writing a thoroughly EROTIC poem that is also a sort of ode to a former love.

Any suggestions/links much appreciated.

Cheers.

 

[hot4teacher1975]

Nevermind, found what I was looking for.

Here's one that I wrote:

Wickedly depressed
Get this off my chest
I never thought this
Would be the last time I laid my head on your breast

Breasts that swelled beneath my touch
Transported to Heaven when we fucked
I never thought the passion would die
All I want to do is fucking cry

Heart breaking daily
People pass by cheerfully
I never thought our Love
Would end so thoughtlessly

Dreaming of your pussy
Everything I write is mushy
I never felt a love so strong
That's completely devestated me.

-----

I'm trying to write an overtly sexual poem yet have it stiil remain a love poem about much more than sex. Am I succeeding at all? Thanks. Hope you enjoy.

 

[WickedEve]

If you don't mind a suggestion. I'd rethink these lines:
Dreaming of your pussy
Everything I write is mushy

It's fine to write about dreaming of pussy and to mention that mushy tendency, but having pussy and mushy in such close proximity is rather... well, just think of the rhymes: mushy pussy. As a reader, it tends to jump out at me.

And in stanza one your last line is too long. I'd lengthen the first 3 or shorten the last line. But first, I have to ask about your rhyme pattern. It appears to be AABA in stanza 1 but stanza 2 looks like ABCC. And the last two return to the first stanza's rhyme pattern, so I'll just go with AABA.

You could try:
I am wickedly depressed
And must get this off my chest
Never thought this would be the last time
I'd lay my head on your breast

This way you're not going from 3 lines of 5 syllables each to a last line of 12 syllables--which throws the rhythm off.

 

[hot4teacher1975]

If you don't mind a suggestion. I'd rethink these lines:
Dreaming of your pussy
Everything I write is mushy

It's fine to write about dreaming of pussy and to mention that mushy tendency, but having pussy and mushy in such close proximity is rather... well, just think of the rhymes: mushy pussy. As a reader, it tends to jump out at me.

And in stanza one your last line is too long. I'd lengthen the first 3 or shorten the last line. But first, I have to ask about your rhyme pattern. It appears to be AABA in stanza 1 but stanza 2 looks like ABCC. And the last two return to the first stanza's rhyme pattern, so I'll just go with AABA.

You could try:
I am wickedly depressed
And must get this off my chest
Never thought this would be the last time
I'd lay my head on your breast

This way you're not going from 3 lines of 5 syllables each to a last line of 12 syllables--which throws the rhythm off.

Thanks for the suggestions, cute WickedEve.
Yeah, we can't have any mushy pussy ;-)
And rhythym is important, especially in a poem about sex!

I also realized that while I said I wanted the poem to be about love, all I say is that I'm depressed and out of love. I need to talk more about why I love her.

Ideally, I want the poem to be rich in graphic(somewhat), sexual imagery which is joined by personal and passionate thoughts on a less visceral, non-sexual love for her mind and spirit... tough order.

Look forward to sharing the new, improved draft shortly.

Cheers.