English Joke...

[p_p_man]

Two men sitting fifty yards apart, fishing, on a river bank on a chilly November morning.

One man, the local vicar, was catching fish everytime he put his line in the water, but the other, a farmer was catching nothing at all.

Finally the farmer went up to the vicar and said...

"Mornin' vicar. 'ow be you catchin' all them fish then?"

"Well my son," said the vicar, "I find the bait is the most important thing and I use a few hairs from a woman's pussy on my hook and the fish can't stop biting."

"Oh, Ah." said the farmer and he rushed home to his cottage where his wife was bent over the sink doing some washing up.

He put his hand up her skirt and yanked out a handful of pubic hairs.

"Mornin' vicar" she said....

 

[sarahuk4]

Love it !!!......Love it !!.......will try to think of some myself , but mind blank at 8.00am ........lol....

 

[p_p_man]

2nd English Joke

Young girl at confession:

"Father I have sinned"

"Tell me my daughter"

"I called a man a bastard"

"And why did you do that my daughter"

"Well Father he started feeling my breasts"

"What? Like this my daughter"

"Yes Father"

"That's no reason to call a man a bastard"

"But then he made me take off my skirt and panties"

"Like this daughter"

"Yes Father"

"Well that's still no reason to call a man a bastard"

"But then Father he began fucking me"

"You mean like this my daughter?"

"Yes Father"

"I can see how you would be upset but that's still no reason to call a man a bastard"

"But then Father he told me had AIDS"

"THE BASTARD!!"

 

[sarahuk4]

Hope you dont mind if i join in .......if you do , well just tell me ok ..lol....lol.....

Lad goes into a pub, says to barman "6 whiskies "
Barman says "pushing boat out aren't you lad "
Lad says "Had my first blow job today "
Barman says "Nice one lad, next 6 are on the house "
Lads says "Well if these dont get rid of the taste, i'm having no more "..........



What do you get if you take Viagra and sleeping tablets ...

40 Wanks ........


How many animals can you get in a condom?

A cock and a few hares ......

 

[p_p_man]

Nice ones...

 

[sarahuk4]

Got any more jokes p_p_man ?

Do you mind a couple more from me ......hope you dont .....

What is the difference between a mosquito and a prositute ....

Mosquito will suck you for nothing ......




What is the difference between a job and a wife .....

The job still sucks after a year .........


A teen gets on a bus , he has a mohawk hair do , red , green and blue stripes ...he sees an older man staring at him , angrily he turns around and says.
"Didnt you ever do anything crazy at my age ".
Old man replies ,
"Well i once f***** a parrot and wondered if you were mine .......


What are the 3 stages of a relationship ....
Engagement Ring , Wedding Ring and suffering ......... ...

Oh how true !!!!!.,.........lol...lol.....


What is the best way to remember your anniversary?

Forget it just once!!......


What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend ....

45 minutes ....




I know they are rubbish ....lol.lol........

 

[p_p_man]

An English/Irish Joke...

Paddy is fed up and decides to become a monk so he goes and knocks on the door of his local monastery:

"Hello Father I'd like to become a monk."

"It's very hard work my son. On Mondays we have to get up at 5am and clean the big house from top to bottom until it shines like a new pin. We have to sweep and polish and scub until our backs are aching and our hands are raw."

"Oh I see Father I don't think I would like that at all. But I still want to become a monk."

"Well on Tuesdays we have to do all the vegetable gardens. All the weeding and the planting and the digging and the seeding. The work is never done."

"Oh you're right I wouldn't like that at all. But I'm determined to be a monk"

"But on Wednesdays it really is hard. We have to take all our wares to the local market and stay there from dawn til dusk until we have sold everything we have. And if we don't we have to scourge ourselves for five hours."

"Well Father that does sound terrible hard and I wouldn't like that one bit. I am determined however to become a monk."

"On Thursdays my son we relax a little. We open some of the wine in the cellars, cook a grand meal and invite some of the local girls from the village to visit us. I can tell you we have a high old time on Thursdays."

"I really don't think I would like that at all Father."

"My son are you gay?"

"Me? Why no whatever gave you that idea."

"Well you won't like Fridays much either."

 

[sarahuk4]

p_p_man , you have made my friday evening ...thank you ..............by the way did you mind my last few jokes?.....

 

[p_p_man]

Naah...

They're fine.

My favourite is the lad who goes into a pub after his first blow job!

I've already e-mailed that one on...

 

[sarahuk4]

The lad one came from my brother !!!.....lol.lol......i have a few more which i will post later .....if you want to see them ......dont want to bore you with them ......but have you any more , and by the way i have emailed yours on aswell , they are good ......love the father one mostly ......