Encouraging kink with partner

[Mandarinfish]

I’m mid thirties, and am discovering new things I like. I have a thing for ‘multiple hole’ sex, that is, if I’m having sex with partner I like to use buttplugs and dildos and such to stimulate more than one of her holes at the same time. She enjoys this too, but seems to be going with the flow here rather than outright asking for it.

I’m really interested in cum play, and making it more a feature of what we do. However, she finds semen a turn off and doesn’t seem to like it anywhere except inside creampie (not a breed kink). I have never came during a blowjob and have to finish myself off during a handjob. I find this quite upsetting, sometimes that she is rejecting part of me and although irrational it does get me down.

I seem to accommodate her wishes, although she doesn’t really ask for anything. I regularly ask her to tell me her fantasies and needs which I will accept without judgement and will bend over backwards to accommodate, but I don't get answers. Sometimes it feels very one way, that I’m making all the effort.

I don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to- so I ask the forum, how can I encourage kink. How can I persuade her to try new things like cum play and make it a positive experience she wants to repeat?

Anyone else have similar needs not being met? I don’t want to look elsewhere before anyone suggests.

 

[policywank]

I think it makes sense to start with a broader conversation wherein you indicate a desire to try some more adventurous things in your sex life. But make it simple expression of your feelings and desires not a call to action of request for anything specific. That way all you are doing is sharing your feelings and all she is doing (hopefully) is acknowledging them. Hopefully the conversation will expand but even if it doesn't she becomes clearly aware of your desires.

Let that sink in for a while. That gives her a chance to think more deeply about how she feels about these things but more importantly she will internalize an understanding of your desires as a stand-alone truth that cannot be dismissed. I think it is natural that if a loved one tells us they desire something to want to find a way of fulfilling that desire or respond to that expression because we don't want to imagine ourselves ignoring their feelings. It also puts you on more solid ground. She doesn't get to say no you don't desire that because you are the only one who can speak for yourself. And if she is dismissive of your desire you can call her on it - "look I am not saying we have to do this, I am just expressing what I want and it is not fair for you to refuse to acknowledge that."

She still has the option of refusing to do what you desire but now it is clearly framed as intentionally disregarding a desire that is established as valid rather than a potential battle of wills.

 

[haventdonethat]

Just after we first met, we were both still a bit shy regarding our sexual wants.
This is what I suggested and she readily agreed.

Sitting at the kitchen table we each had a pad of paper and wrote down three sexual items/times/experiences from our past lives that we still thought of as hot or kinky.
They were folded up and given to the other and saved until bed time. When in bed we opened them one at a time and explained each item in detail.
A huge turn on. And a few unexpected insights.
We fucked like rabbits.
It may not be what you are looking for but can sow the seeds for further talk.

 

[CockSparrow]

Just after we first met, we were both still a bit shy regarding our sexual wants.
This is what I suggested and she readily agreed.

Sitting at the kitchen table we each had a pad of paper and wrote down three sexual items/times/experiences from our past lives that we still thought of as hot or kinky.
They were folded up and given to the other and saved until bed time. When in bed we opened them one at a time and explained each item in detail.
A huge turn on. And a few unexpected insights.
We fucked like rabbits.
It may not be what you are looking for but can sow the seeds for further talk.

Talking is greatly underestimated

 

[OtherwisePrint6210]

Just after we first met, we were both still a bit shy regarding our sexual wants.
This is what I suggested and she readily agreed.

Sitting at the kitchen table we each had a pad of paper and wrote down three sexual items/times/experiences from our past lives that we still thought of as hot or kinky.
They were folded up and given to the other and saved until bed time. When in bed we opened them one at a time and explained each item in detail.
A huge turn on. And a few unexpected insights.
We fucked like rabbits.
It may not be what you are looking for but can sow the seeds for further talk.

simply awesome.