Embarrassing the boss

[shiny5437]

Sorry this sounds like bit of a vent but I could really to do with some opinions and alternative points of view.

Today I had a discussion with one of my bosses about trialing some ideas which I thought could improve things. He didn't seem too happy by this and pretty much put me in my place. By the end of the conversation we seemed to have reached an amicable compromise and I thought that that was the end of it. I felt that the compromise came more from him as I was pretty much ready to cave in.

However I later had to speak to him but heard him telling his colleagues about our conversation. So I tactfully interrupted. However feeling that there might have been a slight atmosphere I admitted that I had overheard him but that I was fine with that. We then reiterated our conversation and I made a point of stressing the agreed compromise and not disagreeing with him.

So I'm worried that I might have humiliated him in front of his colleagues which was something that was never intended. I'm worried that I might get a bad reputation, and that there may be payback from him.

******continued as interrupted previously******

There's also quite a culture between the senior guys of bad-mouthing the younger ones so I'm also concerned that they might close ranks. Finally though, he's actually quite a nice guy and even though he probably was ripping the shit out of me I still feel a bit bad for maybe embarassing him in front of his colleagues.

So any thoughts? I feel a little mixed up about this. Any advice on how to take this further? Should I acknowledge this next time I see him or just hope we mutually deny it?

 

[silverwhisper]

it's really hard to know what the hell someone thinks. honestly, the second time, i'd have gone back to my desk & called him on the phone or some other means of getting whatever i needed without having to overhear stuff.

ed

 

[Cathleen]

I can see the need for a little damage control, Shiny.


I have a few questions though:

1. The original conversation sounds like a bit of a roller coaster. With regard to your ideas for improvement, could they be seen in a bad light about your boss' abilities?

He put you in your place but the end seems reconciled which is great but as Ed said you can't always know what goes on in someone's head, but you might pick up a few clues.

2. When you heard him telling his colleagues about your conversation, where was that? In an office with an open door? In a hallway/open work area? From what you heard what was the tone of the discussion? Was he reiterating your ideas in a positive way? Taking credit for the ideas? Dismissing you and your thoughts? Why did you interrupt their conversation - another issue or the improvements you discussed with your boss?

3. How is your relationship with him and with others in your department/office, generally speaking?

4. What time of day did these things occur? How did quitting time go?


There might be a slight need to kiss up but not necessarily.

 

[shiny5437]

Thanks for the responses - food for thought, plus it's been useful to sleep on it.

Yeah you can never know what is going on in someone's head even though everything may appear amicable on the surface.

Cathleen, to answer your questions:

The original conversation did feel quite uncomfortable from my point of view. He pretty much shot down my suggestions and it was pretty good of him to suggest a compromise because he could've just rejected the whole thing outright. I did try to justify my suggestions but I was always careful not to contradict him and I did cave in pretty easily.

When he was discussing with his colleagues it was behind a closed (but fairly thin) door. I guess I could've turned around and given them 5 minutes but at the time I felt I had to speak to him on an unrelated matter. On entering the room I had no intention of confronting him but there did seem to be bit of an atmosphere which rather stupidly I thought could be diffused by acknowledging it in a non-challenging fashion. From what I heard before entering was that he was pretty much gearing up for a bit of character assasination. After that we did talk about the potential changes but I was careful to emphasise the compromise and not to use it as another opportunity to push my views forward.

On the whole I thought we got on pretty well and was surprised to hear him talking in the way that he seemed to be. After the initial conversation he seemed to be making an effort to be nice too.

So I'm faced with the situation of whether or not I acknowledge what happened next time I see him or his colleagues. Should I apologise or just maintain a business as usual manner?

I appreciate this probably seems a bit petty but any ideas are greatly received.

 

[NHPictureguy]

As I see it, you have no upside to this.

Every step you take is through a minefield and it sounds like this guy doesn't know how to keep his word.