Email question

[sexplorer35]

For years my wife told me her email password; now she's changed it suddenly, and she logs off every time she finishes with her email, which she never used to do. The other day, however, when she didn't realize I'd come home, she went out and left her email up. I saw some pretty incriminating emails, and since have collected other evidence. Is there any fairly simple way to surreptitiously acquire her password or get into her account? I know how I can kick down the door (electronically, not physically) and get into her email but I'd rather do it quietly. I just want to know if she's having a fling or falling in love. I can ignore a fling; if she's falling in love, we need to talk. God, how messed up does that sound? Don't answer that!

 

[midwestyankee]

For years my wife told me her email password; now she's changed it suddenly, and she logs off every time she finishes with her email, which she never used to do. The other day, however, when she didn't realize I'd come home, she went out and left her email up. I saw some pretty incriminating emails, and since have collected other evidence. Is there any fairly simple way to surreptitiously acquire her password or get into her account? I know how I can kick down the door (electronically, not physically) and get into her email but I'd rather do it quietly. I just want to know if she's having a fling or falling in love. I can ignore a fling; if she's falling in love, we need to talk. God, how messed up does that sound? Don't answer that!

Ask her.

 

[sexplorer35]

Uh yeah, thought of that; that's not so subtle. Why do I need to know how to get into her email? In the past she's told me when she's changed it.

 

[infinity706]

Honestly, what you need to do is talk to her about it. Since you're ok with her having a fling, just tell her so. That should certainly make the conversation dramatically easier.

 

[midwestyankee]

Uh yeah, thought of that; that's not so subtle. Why do I need to know how to get into her email? In the past she's told me when she's changed it.

Ask her if she's having a fling or an affair. Talk to the woman.

 

[unregistered]

 

[bambikiller]

Ask her bull shit.
Handle it like a business situation.
Stay calm, break down that door electronicaly (you can do it with out her knowing) gather what information you need, then ask her.
What ask her know
"Oh honey are you fucking around on me"
"Oh don't be silly dear" then what do you got.
Next thing you know the computers hard drive got accidentaly eraised.
No find out what is going on then ask her and if she lies or gives you B.S. well then you know more than you did before.
Then you have desisions to make but they will be informed desisions.
Hope it all works out for you.
Key and this is probably my big problem in my marrage you have to stay detached and handle it like a business desision.
And my wife says I'm an asshole imagin that.
I don't make rash desisions and react right away I try and think on things for a night.
Good in business I guess not so good in marrage but we might possibly be talking about the end of yours so stay detached.
Sorry.

 

[BertrandRussell]

I'll not comment about whether doing it is best for your relationship. You seem to have made up your mind. I'll merely say how to do it.

The easiest way is to buy a keylogger. It installs in about 30 seconds.
Go to eBay. Type in 'keylogger'.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I agree with the others that say you need to talk to her, but I do not recommend a confrontation about the email or any specifics. Instead I would recommend a path that suggests you've noticed a change in her habits, attitude, etc., and that you're concerned about her well being. Do not lie, but you also don't need to be so direct that you put her on the defensive which has only one way to go, and that's badly.

 

[unregistered]

 

[IrisAlthea]

Another vote for talking to her.
If you can ignore a fling, she will be much happier if she knows that and doesn´t have to sneak around.

 

[subwannabe]

I don't really understand why you don't want to just talk to her either. Are you having an affair yourself? You seem to be ok with her having an affair but if she is falling in love then you need to talk. For the most part (married) women aren't sexual animals that just like fucking. They are women who aren't happy in their relationship for one reason or another and are usually looking to have emotional needs fulfilled that aren't getting fulfilled by their husband. They want love but will often times settle for sex as a replacement. The fact that they are looking for love and emotional understanding and not sex indicates that there are troubles in your marriage that a mere fling or affair are not going to solve. Talk to her and let her know you saw her emails that one day.

 

[infinity706]

Well, from my experience, a lot of the women that cheat are looking for sex. Serveral of them even specifically targeted guys in their 20s to hopefully get a guy with increased sex drive. Of course, it could just be that I tend to attract men and women that are looking for easy, free sex with no strings.

 

[Black_pantyhose]

I don't really understand why you don't want to just talk to her either. Are you having an affair yourself? You seem to be ok with her having an affair but if she is falling in love then you need to talk. For the most part (married) women aren't sexual animals that just like fucking. They are women who aren't happy in their relationship for one reason or another and are usually looking to have emotional needs fulfilled that aren't getting fulfilled by their husband. They want love but will often times settle for sex as a replacement. The fact that they are looking for love and emotional understanding and not sex indicates that there are troubles in your marriage that a mere fling or affair are not going to solve. Talk to her and let her know you saw her emails that one day.

A woman or man having an affair doesn't necessarily mean there are problems with the marriage - it can simply mean there is a problem with the person having the affair i.e. low self-esteem or just plain selfish.

As far as what to do, your first port of call really should be to talk to your wife. If you relationship is worth saving then you have to ensure that you take the responsible and mature steps to do that.

But you have to be prepared for the fact that she may be lookin for a way out and if she is she has to tell you so. If she is intent on having an affair then you confronting her about accessing her email will simply make her more cautious - it's easy to open another email account and not tell you about it.

I'm not really sure what reactiion your wife expected to achieve when she changed her password. It seems to me that if I knew my husband had access to my email account but I had emails I didn't want him to read I would just get another email address.

If worst comes to worst you can get a keylogger www.amazon.co.uk/Up-SpyCobra-Computer-Security-Surveillance/dp/B001RLQXG6. But, speaking from experience, having to snoop around on a partner using this method is soul destroying. You may learn things you did not want to know. You may learn things you can't forget and things you can't forgive. And it's very difficult to give up once you get in the habit since you will never be able to trust unless you know EXACTLY what's going on, and that sn't how trust works.

 

[GrnEyedGrl]

Honestly, what you need to do is talk to her about it. Since you're ok with her having a fling, just tell her so. That should certainly make the conversation dramatically easier.

100% agree.

 

[Somehowyou]

She's not going to come clean. Go with Key logger and find out what is going on. If you confirm your suspicion, don't let on that you know. Start hiding your money. Then confront her. Be like the cat that is about to swallow the canary.

 

[bailadora]

Well, from my experience, a lot of the women that cheat are looking for sex. Serveral of them even specifically targeted guys in their 20s to hopefully get a guy with increased sex drive. Of course, it could just be that I tend to attract men and women that are looking for easy, free sex with no strings. :devil:

[\hijack]
Hm, wonder why that is? Couldn't possibly have anything to do with your reputation (by your own admission) for being rather free with your attention or affection, now would it?

Really, Infinity, I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but why do you persist in portraying yourself as the town bike and boasting about how many people you sleep with in every single thread you post in? No one here is very impressed, and truth be told, it's rather off putting.

You can give information or advice you think is relevant without throwing your manslut status into the mix every fucking time.

[/hijack]

 

[SweetErika]

[\hijack]
Hm, wonder why that is? Couldn't possibly have anything to do with your reputation (by your own admission) for being rather free with your attention or affection, now would it?

Really, Infinity, I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but why do you persist in portraying yourself as the town bike and boasting about how many people you sleep with in every single thread you post in? No one here is very impressed, and truth be told, it's rather off putting.

You can give information or advice you think is relevant without throwing your manslut status into the mix every fucking time.

[/hijack]

Seconded. If you keep playing the same song over and over, at some point people are going to assume you're a broken record and throw you in the trash. And that's unfortunate because you probably have a lot more to contribute than what you've been putting out here.

 

[infinity706]

[\hijack]
Hm, wonder why that is? Couldn't possibly have anything to do with your reputation (by your own admission) for being rather free with your attention or affection, now would it?

Really, Infinity, I'm not trying to be a bitch here, but why do you persist in portraying yourself as the town bike and boasting about how many people you sleep with in every single thread you post in? No one here is very impressed, and truth be told, it's rather off putting.

You can give information or advice you think is relevant without throwing your manslut status into the mix every fucking time.

[/hijack]

It's really just a habit from other forums where people really debate things hard and at least 5 people will have called you out within 2 minutes over any possible explanation for an inconsistancy. I usually try to include any opposing arguments to save people the effort. It's not like I go out and start a thread every other day about my manslut status or anything. I usually only mention it when it could be a relevant issue in why I might have different experiences than the majority.

 

[your_vice]

If she normally tells you her email password and she's now being secretive, that's all you really have to point out in order to start a discussion. You can then maybe throw in what NippleMuncher said about her habits and attitude changing. You don't have to lay the blame for everything squarely at her door and put her on the defensive. All you really have to say is...

You know there's been a changed in her.
You've noticed the secretive behaviour.
You know there are things you both need to work on as a couple.
You're concerned that she might have met someone else and want to re-evaluate things to identify why she would feel the need to do that.

Are you sure she's having a physical, sexual affair? Lots of women just enjoy flirty emails or cyber/phone sex (talking dirty on IM/cams/phone while masturbating). She could just be enjoying the thrill of flirting with a new guy without actually being unfaithful in a physical way. As you seem fairly unconcerned about the thought of her having a meaningless fling, I imagine stuff like this probably wouldn't concern you much at all. If you're going to get to the bottom of things and reconnect with her though, you really need to open a dialogue. I don't understand why you want to hack her email and gain 'evidence' if you're not planning something dramatic like divorce. If all you want is to talk to her frankly, surely you can do that without all this subterfuge?

 

[bailadora]

It's really just a habit from other forums where people really debate things hard and at least 5 people will have called you out within 2 minutes over any possible explanation for an inconsistancy. I usually try to include any opposing arguments to save people the effort. It's not like I go out and start a thread every other day about my manslut status or anything. I usually only mention it when it could be a relevant issue in why I might have different experiences than the majority.

No, it just seems to show up in most posts you write. I can see why you might think it might be important information, but I have to agree with Sweet Ericka that the way you are going about it does not portray you in a positive manner. If anything, whenever I see your name attached to a post, my first thought is "Oh, God - who is he bragging about fucking or being fucked by now?" And that is unfortunate, because on occasion, you've been known to actually make sense!

Of course, it's up to you as to how you want to be perceived (or even if you give a shit), but I'll just say I think your posting style doesn't do you any favors and IMHO, actually does you a disservice. And I mean that with all due respect.

 

[infinity706]

Oh, I'm not worried about it at all. If all the online people I've met could meet me in person, I bet they'd have a far different opinion of me. I'm about as laid back of a person as you'll probably ever meet. I can see what you're saying, though.