Editor Wanted....

[Ravishing]

Rather than try and search through the people that are willing to edit work written by others, I'll just ask for someone to step up and be an editor for the story I have.

Here's a .. eh... teaser I guess:

Title: Darkest Wishes.
Catagory: Non-Human.


In the silence of the darkened night, a soft pleading voice broke through the air. Feminine tones rose and fell softly, each word a plea that seemed to fall onto deafened ears. The words repeated over and over again, her voice growing hoarse with each recital she made.

Over head, almost unseen the sky darkened with the taint of something ominous, subtly at first she felt the breeze pick up, tugging at the long strands of blonde hair, her head tipped back, grey eyes staring skyward. "Oh dark one, Lucifer, I beg you, bring back my love." The chill in the wind came, wrapping about her like a haunting caress over her skin, yet she welcomed it's icy feel, hands moving to pull the robe from her upper body, a sob rising from her throat as she bowed her head, words rising and falling again.

Always the same unchanging in their plea, god how she missed him, the feel of his strong hands as they'd caressed her to pleasure oh so many times before; her's moved slowly up her body, the words persistently tumbling from her lips as her fingers trailed up her abdomen, to the soft full curves of her breasts, fingers tracing paths that he had, over to the sides and slowly circling inwards till her thumbs slowly brushed over her nipples, a soft gasp in of breath.

I don't expect a flood of people wanting to edit it, but atleast one would be a big help. There is of cause a lot more than I've posted here, and if the prospective editor can let me know how I need to send the document to them, I'll do that.

- Ravishing -

 

[doormouse]

Over head, almost unseen the sky darkened with the taint of something ominous,full-stop. Capital S subtly at first she felt the breeze pick up, tugging at the long strands of blonde hair,semi-colon her head tipped back, grey eyes staring skyward. new paragraph"Oh dark one, Lucifer, I beg you, bring back my love." new paragraphThe chill in the wind came, wrapping about her like a haunting caress over her skin,full stop, drop yet and start the sentence with She yet she welcomed it's icy feel, hands moving to pull the robe from her upper body,full stop a sob rising from her throat as she bowed her head, words rising and falling again. too many 'ing' words in here.

Always the same unchanging in their pleawhat's unchanging?, Start a new sentence here, and God always has a capital Ggod how she missed him, the feel of his strong hands as they'd caressed her to pleasure oh so many times before; her'shers, no apostrophe moved moveslowly up her body, full-stop, new sentencethe words persistently tumbling avoid 'ing' words. try tumble instead from her lips as her fingers trailed you've changed from present to past tense here. up her abdomen, drop the comma here to the soft full curves of her breasts, fingers tracing paths that he had, over to the sides and slowly circling inwards till her thumbs slowly brushed over her nipples, a soft gasp in of breath.

'ing' words bring a word into present tense. You have me confused whether you're trying to write in present/past tense.

I'll re-edit once I see my comments in bold. It's confusing looking at brackets in here.

Don't take offence, please. I'm FAR from being an expert. I'm only passing on what I've been taught on here.

 

[snooper]

You might have more luck on the Editors' Forum.

 

[doormouse]

You beat me snoop LOL