Editor requested...

[mythoughts2papr]

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I have lots of thoughts and I am looking to have my work torn apart line by line. If you cannot be brutally honest please don't offer to assist. I am pretty blunt by nature and would love to find someone who can edit that way.

 

[mythoughts2papr]

My stories tend to be control related or discovery of a desire to be controlled.

Below is a bit from the one that I need editing help on.

Dazed in my own world of thinking I didn't realize that we had already made it to the vehicle. I put my hands on the roof of the car and lean on them. "I had another great night. Thank you."
I hear him chuckling behind me when he says "I think maybe someone had a few too many."
"I did not have that much to drink and you know it!" I growl out as I attempt to turn around, only to realize that I cannot. I can't because he has pinned me to the car his arms on either side of me. I feel him pressing against me. My body knows, it knows exactly what it wants, as I feel myself relax against him. Instantly on fire, I want to feel him everywhere. Something tells me I won't have much choice in what he does or when he does it.
I feel his hot breath against my neck and ear, my body quivers with anticipation. In a low, deep voice "I knew that when you had worked up enough courage, thought you were ready you would ask me for it."
I cannot move, not that I would ever want to. I start to speak "I...uhm... I"
"What is the matter baby, cat got your tongue?" His breath against my neck.

 

[Linda62953]

If you can't find exactly what you are looking for, I can help some. I don't rip apart stuff, but I do question "where things are coming from" "what is the thought process behind this sentence" that type of stuff and make suggestions where information seems to be missing and I fix typos and general grammar - such as "put my hands on the roof of the car and lean - she leaned - past tense, and I growl out sounds better as growled out as I attempted, and "worked up enough courage "and" thought you were ready - etc... After the grammar is fixed, then I add suggestions.