Editor needed for upcoming Halloween contest

[A_Little_Show]

I have a good draft for my contest entry, but I'd love feedback, criticism, suggestions, and copy-editing.

The story is short (one Literotica page) and in the Fantasy category.

Synopsis:
Years ago, Bronwen asked the faeries to bring her the man she coveted for a lover. The faery queen granted her desire, but the price was one year under the mountain. Bronwen assumed she would be the one to pay the price, but upon consummation of the union, the queen took the man instead. When the year elapsed, Bronwen awaited the return of her lover, but the queen demanded a replacement in exchange for returning her love toy. Bronwen had to entice another man… Worse, when Bronwen got her coveted lover back, the spell was broken and he no longer wanted her. Each year, Bronwen lures another man out of pity for the last one. If she ever stops, the last man will be trapped under the mountain forever. She can't form her own lasting relationship because she doesn't dare sacrifice a true love, and what lover could forgive her for sacrificing a stranger?

PM me if interested. Thanks.

 

[Darkniciad]

I'm not a copy-editor, but I'll give it a read and give you my thoughts, if you'd like. The synopsis really has me intrigued with the tragedy potential.

 

[bikoukumori]

I'm a bit curious about the finished product.

 

[A_Little_Show]

I now have three stories for the contest, and all of them can use feedback. For example, I think the sex scenes may be too short. I tend to finish the scenes about the time I ah-hm finish, but I've been dreaming up the story for days and am primed. I need other opinions based on a cold read.

"The Price Paid" - every pleasure in life has a price - fantasy

Haunting Exhibition - exhibitionism with a twist at the end - horror or erotic coupling

Mercurial and the Beast - Mercurial is surprised by a troubling beast - non-human