Editor for more of "Brad's Sister"

[trace_ekies]

My posting, "Brad's Sister", while appearing to be complete by itself, is actually the first nineteen chapters of a longer story. I have written another seventeen chapters that I would like to have reviewed before posting. (There is a remote possibility that there will be even more, but again, what has been written can stand alone.) An excerpt from the proposed addition appears below:

In spite of Brad's concern over her bare breasts, Ashley was growing comfortable with the situation. She looked up at her brother. “If you think you said something wrong, you didn't.” Her body was hidden from Brad's view by the edge of the pool. She pushed back a few inches, demonstrating her confidence in exposing herself. “Relax,” she said cheerily, “ I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't wanted to, I just needed some encouragement.”

I would like to believe I have done at least a passable job and that the foregoing contains no glaring errors. Although I would like a second set of eyes to review the basics, (spelling, grammar, readability, etc.), my primary interest in engaging an editor is to obtain help with the tone and believability of the story, particularly in respect to the characters. I want the story to have characters that most of us would find likable and can relate to. If this were a movie, I would like it to only just miss obtaining an 'R' rating - an 'X' hopefully, but certainly not 'XXX'. I want a heroine that women can relate to and that men will drool over.

The story tiptoes along the edges of exhibitionism, group sex and incest without diving head-first into any of these. It contains no elements of BDSM, no homosexuality, (male or female), and nothing kinkier than cunnilingus and fellatio, (and on Literotica, those are probably considered to be mainstream sex anyway). If this sounds like something you would like to work on, or if you just have some comments you would like to make, please pm me or comment openly to this post. My profile is here.

 

[sexnovella]

Edit

I can correct all errors

 

[trace_ekies]

Thank you

I can correct all errors

I appreciate your offer but feel that I should turn it down.

While I am sure there are still spelling, grammar and phrasing mistakes that need to be changed, the story has already been proofed numerous times in hopes of finding and correcting those types of errors.

My major concern at this time relates to the plausibility of the story and the believability of the characters. It needs to be reviewed by someone with a solid grounding in contemporary American teenage sexual attitudes.

Again, thank you for your interest.

 

[PennLady]

My major concern at this time relates to the plausibility of the story and the believability of the characters. It needs to be reviewed by someone with a solid grounding in contemporary American teenage sexual attitudes.

Well I used to be a teenager, but I'm not sure how grounded that might make me in their attitudes about sex, past or present.

I'm sorry, I don't have time to edit your story. However, just in your post, you talk about the plausibility and believability of the story and I'm not sure how plausible or believable it is that a teenage girl (who I'm assuming is 18, per site rules) would expose herself in front of her brother (who I'm also assuming is 18).

I'm guessing you lay the groundwork for that in your story, and that's fine, but it's not something I'd find believable just by itself.

 

[trace_ekies]

Well I used to be a teenager... I'm not sure how plausible or believable it is... I'm guessing you lay the groundwork for that in your story...

Yes there is groundwork to support behavior that might normally be unlikely. (And you were right - they are both 18.) What I am looking for is someone who has the time to read the groundwork and see if it is believable in the full context.

Unfortunately, most of that is in the already posted portion, (around 30,000 words), and will require someone who not only has the time but is interested in this type of story. (This addition is, if I remember correctly, about 25,000 words.)

I understand that you don't have the time but maybe you can suggest someone who does and might be willing to take a shot at it.

Thanks for your comments.

 

[trace_ekies]

Thank you all for your help. I did get all of it edited by Linda62953. About 20% of it has been submitted. Thanks again to all.