Editing help for 3rd Story • 5th Anniversary to Remember

[Mello_SixtyNine]

Hi,

I have a couple questions that I could use some help with before I submit my story:

1) Sebastian could tell that Miranda had small perky B's compared to his wife's full teardrop C's.
Is this correct or should it be:
Sebastian could tell that Miranda had small perky Bs compared to his wife's full teardrop Cs.

2) He lightly pinched and twisted her nipples with his thumbs and index fingers.

Should this be:
he lightly pinched and twisted her nipples with his thumb and index finger.

3) Her imagination was racing as she realized that the tips of her thumb and middle finger were not touching together as she firmly gripped his pulsing cock.
Should this be:
Her imagination was racing as she realized that the tip of her thumb and middle finger were not touching together as she firmly gripped his pulsing cock.

 

[PennLady]

Hi,

I have a couple questions that I could use some help with before I submit my story:

1) Sebastian could tell that Miranda had small perky B's compared to his wife's full teardrop C's.
Is this correct or should it be:
Sebastian could tell that Miranda had small perky Bs compared to his wife's full teardrop Cs.

Many people will advise dropping Cs and Bs all together and going with something like: Sebastian saw Miranda had small, perky breasts compared to his wife's ample cleavage.

2) He lightly pinched and twisted her nipples with his thumbs and index fingers.

Should this be:
he lightly pinched and twisted her nipples with his thumb and index finger.

The first one. The second one sounds like he's got both nipples in one hand. Unless he's doing one at a time.

3) Her imagination was racing as she realized that the tips of her thumb and middle finger were not touching together as she firmly gripped his pulsing cock.
Should this be:
Her imagination was racing as she realized that the tip of her thumb and middle finger were not touching together as she firmly gripped his pulsing cock.

How about: Her imagination raced as she gripped his pulsing cock and realized that her thumb and middle finger didn't touch.

Or: She wrapped her hand around his pulsing cock, and when her thumb and middle finger failed to meet, her imagination ran wild.

 

[Mello_SixtyNine]

Thanks. Have a couple more:

4) Olivia removed her thong and then helped her sister out of hers as well.
Should it be:
Olivia removed her thong and then helped her sister out of her's as well.

5) Olivia leaned forward and placed her hands, palms down on the bed for support.
Should there be a comma in this sentence?

 

[PennLady]

For #4, it should be "hers."

For #5, no comma.

 

[Mello_SixtyNine]

Thanks again. I'm going to read through it another two times to try and catch any more spelling mistakes before submitting it. Keep an eye out for it. It's going to be called:

5th Anniversary to Remember

 

[robertreams]

First, why must we all have numbers? I do not believe talk of C's and D's is sexy. How did they feel, did they taste good? What did they look like? Can most grown men tell the difference between C and a D? Should be Sebastian could tell she had small perky B's compared to his wife's larger teardrop C's. The 'that' is totally unnecessary.

On number two I agree with the others.

#3 Again, a useless 'that'. I think it should read:" Her imagination raced when she realized her thumb and index finger could not join around his pulsing cock." I can't believe almost everyone thought meeting together and joining together were OK. Do you all sit down each time?

 

[robertreams]

There should be no 'and' in #5
Olivia leaned forward, placing her hands palm down on the bed for support.

 

[PennLady]

There should be no 'and' in #5
Olivia leaned forward, placing her hands palm down on the bed for support.

It could be "and." Either way would be correct. Just what the author prefers in that case.

 

[sr71plt]

5) Olivia leaned forward and placed her hands, palms down on the bed for support.
Should there be a comma in this sentence?

Depends on where you want to put emphasis. It would be correct to take out the comma. It would also be correct (and probably read better) if you added a comma after "down." This would give a slight emphasis to the "palms down" phrase and probably help the cadence of your sentence.

 

[Mello_SixtyNine]

My story just got approved! Check it out when & let me know what you think.

5th Anniversary to Remember