"Ebony Princess" - Bi-Fem - Please critique

[lovelylipsx2]

I could say it just happened one day but then that would be a lie. And this sister does not lie. It was a long wait for the moment but the moment would last forever. Somehow it was all worthwhile. In the end that is the best thing to say. A lonely soul with respect to my straight marriage as there has been this missing piece. Not that I noticed anything missing at the start as I was all caught up in the newness of it all. Nevertheless it was bound to happen. You see there is this woman in me who craves the affection of another woman. This is no downward glance at what I have had with my spouse. It is an affirmation of another element of who I am. It just is.


This story opened up with the fact that I noticed this in me more and more. Then one night I said it out loud to my spouse. “I won’t lie that I have had crushes…this had nothing to do with what we have it is just a part of me that needs honored and respected…it’s not about the sex but about the relationship…this has to be my own thing not involving your interaction…it doesn’t matter as you would never give me the freedom to explore…” So…that is how it started. Then I took to the best local resource…the personal ads in the independent paper. There it was…an ad from an Ebony princess who desired a voice of sensuality…now I have been told that I have one of those 1-900 voices…and I have gotten a couple of people off on this voice…well…sounds safe enough. So I called and left my email address, not daring to leave my number for privacy reasons since I have a family and all.


It was not long before I got an email and I got my nerve up to call. Was I ever glad I did. She was the one with the soft, sweet sensual voice and was I ever so smitten…this aroused something in me and I knew I had to come back for more. This person was obviously so sweet with great substance, not one to take for granted. It was a couple more days before I called because I wanted to give her my best focus. No way did I want to shortchange her. The second conversation was the one that caused me to hit the shower. I was so wet from listening to her sweet, soulful voice. If I were free to roam I would have been in her bed that night, lying in her arms, well actually making love all night long. Breakfast on her ass would have been the most erotic cuisine.


Then it happened. We met face to face. And I wanted her right then and there. Did I mention she came to my attention with her short dark hair and rich soft eyes? And her lips I wanted to suckle as if I were starving for the richness of her breasts. And this was in the lobby of my work place. So we went off to the privacy of the park so I could get to know her better.


Time was limited with my 50-minute lunch. But nothing was stopping me from tasting her full, sweet lips. And from caressing her ample breasts. As she lay back in her seat I opened her blouse and reached to pull her breast from its bulging support and caressed her hard nipple. I had to taste this breast. You see I am a breast virgin, never tasting the nipples of a woman. I ran my tongue over her nipple and it became erect and with such teasing delight I nibbled around that nipple. At that point I highly suspected something was heating up as I felt her squirming in the seat. Not one to leave one hanging on I slipped my hand down and undid her pants and reached into her panties to find her rich, hot, wet woman-ness. I could feel the sticky wetness attach to my fingers and I created a furrow in the richness to stroke her into oblivion. It did not take long before she was breathing hard and gyrating to my aggressiveness. I continued to suck on her breast and she came so hard and hot in my hand.


Then I had to go back to work.


Only this: at work we have a private bathroom with a shower. And it was a rather warm day and all. So…we eased into the private bath, looking over shoulders for spies. Once in the room and locked away we turned on the shower and each other. I grabbed her while she stood against the shower wall and I slid to my knees. Grasping her full hips no longer could I wait to taste her sweetness. I dove into her mons as if starving and lingered with my pulsating tongue until she gasped and came in my mouth. Needless to say she returned the favor. Good thing I kept a dryer and towel in a locker…


Lunch takes on a while new meaning these days. And I am dropping a few pounds too.


I am grateful for my Ebony princess and hope we have many more delightful moments together.

 

[kbate]

Here is a possible edited version, removes a lot of the excess language and lines that do not serve the purpose of advancing the story. You would have to add another 200 words to make the Lit minimum were you to use this.
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I could say it just happened one day but that would be a lie; and this sister does not lie. You see, I have a woman inside of me who craves the affection of another woman. This is no shot at my spouse but rather an affirmation of another element of who I am. It simply is.

This story begins when I began noticing this side of myself more and more often. One night I said aloud to my husband, “I won’t lie that I have had crushes, nothing to do with what we have but it is just a part of me that needs honored and respected. It’s not about the sex but about the relationship, this has to be my own thing, not involving your interaction. It doesn’t matter as you would never give me the freedom to explore.” So, that is how it started.

I looked to the best local resource, the personal ads in the independent paper. I found it: an ad from an Ebony princess who desired a voice of sensuality. I have been told that I have one of those 1-900 voices, and I have gotten a couple of people off with my voice, and well, it sounded safe enough so I called and left my email address, not daring to leave my number for privacy reasons since I have a family and all.

It was not long before I got an email with a better description and a picture. I decided to risk a call. Was I ever glad I did; she was the one with the soft, sensual voice and I was smitten. We talked again a few days later, this time her voice forced me to hit the shower, I was so wet from listening to her soulful voice. If I were free to roam, I would have been in her bed that night, lying in her arms, well actually, making love all night long. Breakfast on her ass would have been the most erotic cuisine.

Then it happened; we met face to face and I wanted her right then and there. Did I mention she caught my attention with her short dark hair and rich soft eyes? I was starving to taste the richness of her breasts and this was in the lobby of my work place. We went off to the privacy of the local park where we could properly meet without prying ears and eyes.

My time was limited to my lunch break but nothing was going to stop me from tasting her full, sweet lips and caressing her ample breasts. She sat back in her seat as I opened her blouse and pulled her breast from its bulging support to caress her nipple. I had to taste this breast. You see I am a breast virgin, never having tasted the nipples of a woman. I ran my tongue over her nipple causing it to become erect. I sensed her heating up as I felt her squirming in the seat. Not one to leave her hanging, I slipped my hand down and unfastened her slacks. I reached into her panties and felt her hot rich woman-ness. I could feel the sticky wetness on my fingers and I created a furrow in the richness to stroke her into oblivion. It did not take long before she was breathing hard and gyrating to my ministrations. I continued sucking her breast and soon she came hard and hot in my hand.
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After this point the story no longer made sense – taking her back to work for sex., why not take her there in the first place if it was possible) rewrite from this point to cover any additional encounters or better yet, a masturbation scene in the workplace bathroom before closing.