duranman
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2011
- Posts
- 2,207
I should know, I'm THE man:
1/ If you're short, you're fucked (in the British sense, meaning you're a lost cause). If you're under 5ft 10in wear lifts or you're destined to a life of punishing Percy in the palm.
2/ Get muscles. Not like those steroid wankers. I'm talking broad shouldered, pec prominent, muscular legged manliness. Your clothes will look much better on you, you'll have a much higher quality of life and you'll always get shagged. 50 press ups, 100 sit ups and sufficient walking will suffice.
3/ If you have a weak jaw/chin you're also fucked. You're probably a natural tosser if you look like this, but for fuck sake grow heavy stubble or a beard.
4/ If you have a high pitched voice, change it. You'll make every female crotch dry in seconds if you don't.
5/ Don't EVER come prematurely. You should have mastered the art in your teens. Always wait 'til she's totally in seventh heaven. She's yours for life then. If of course you want her that long...
6/ Hygiene: Always be very clean. Forget all this bollocks about sweat: That will naturally seep through anyway. Carry mints at all times and quit smoking. Wear a subtle but classy aftershave like Chanel Allure.
7/ Be charming. Not obsequious, but enough charm to say what she's not used to. You'll make at least her day. Try to sound reasonably intelligent even if you're not.
8/ Dress well. Keep in touch with fashion but remember what suits you, especially colours. Dip into GQ magazine to see latest trends. In needn't cost a bomb if you're clever. In Britain we have Primark that mimics the top London stores very cheaply if money's an issue. Be discreet with jewellery: A watch and maybe something subtle around the neck, but AVOID GOLD.
9/ Sort your teeth out. One thing we CAN learn from you Yanks...
10/ Be confident and proud. If you adhere to everything here some will hate you but you're getting shagged and they're not so be proud of that fact. Secretly...
1/ If you're short, you're fucked (in the British sense, meaning you're a lost cause). If you're under 5ft 10in wear lifts or you're destined to a life of punishing Percy in the palm.
2/ Get muscles. Not like those steroid wankers. I'm talking broad shouldered, pec prominent, muscular legged manliness. Your clothes will look much better on you, you'll have a much higher quality of life and you'll always get shagged. 50 press ups, 100 sit ups and sufficient walking will suffice.
3/ If you have a weak jaw/chin you're also fucked. You're probably a natural tosser if you look like this, but for fuck sake grow heavy stubble or a beard.
4/ If you have a high pitched voice, change it. You'll make every female crotch dry in seconds if you don't.
5/ Don't EVER come prematurely. You should have mastered the art in your teens. Always wait 'til she's totally in seventh heaven. She's yours for life then. If of course you want her that long...
6/ Hygiene: Always be very clean. Forget all this bollocks about sweat: That will naturally seep through anyway. Carry mints at all times and quit smoking. Wear a subtle but classy aftershave like Chanel Allure.
7/ Be charming. Not obsequious, but enough charm to say what she's not used to. You'll make at least her day. Try to sound reasonably intelligent even if you're not.
8/ Dress well. Keep in touch with fashion but remember what suits you, especially colours. Dip into GQ magazine to see latest trends. In needn't cost a bomb if you're clever. In Britain we have Primark that mimics the top London stores very cheaply if money's an issue. Be discreet with jewellery: A watch and maybe something subtle around the neck, but AVOID GOLD.
9/ Sort your teeth out. One thing we CAN learn from you Yanks...
10/ Be confident and proud. If you adhere to everything here some will hate you but you're getting shagged and they're not so be proud of that fact. Secretly...
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