Dumb Quotes

[Guest]

 

[silversword]

Murry Walker - the original and the best

 

[gothgodess]

Don't you just love sportsman logic.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

"Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, ex. US Pres. (one of my all times faves.)

---ZQL

 

[Guest]

 

[cloudy]

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
- Ivana Trump, on her first novel

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
- Dan Quayle

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
- Dan Quayle

"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey

"I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time."
-Mariah Carey on hearing of the death of the King of Jordan.

 

[SnoopDog]

'Doesn't matter if it's Madrid or Monaco, at least it's Italy' - German footballer Andreas Möller

Snoopy

 

[steve w]

Alberto Juantorena was a very tall Cuban 400m/800m runner in the 1970s -

"Juantorena opens his legs, and shows his class" (Ron Pickering again!)

The audience at a truly awful off-Broadway rendition of "The Diary of Anne Frank", starring Pia Zadora, shouted this as the German soldiers arrived on stage -

"She's in the attic"

 

[Svenskaflicka]

ROFL

Thanks, people! I needed a good laugh!

 

[silversword]

MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer
for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out
there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

 

[SnoopDog]

Alberto Juantorena was a very tall Cuban 400m/800m runner in the 1970s -

"Juantorena opens his legs, and shows his class" (Ron Pickering again!)

The audience at a truly awful off-Broadway rendition of "The Diary of Anne Frank", starring Pia Zadora, shouted this as the German soldiers arrived on stage -

"She's in the attic"

Lol, that's pretty mean and bad. But still funny, I love those funny remarks you can do in the theatre or cinema.
Like after the first half of 'Titanic' you tell the stranger next to you, 'Now, I hope the ship won't sink, mate'
Or in 'Love Story' at the beginning you shout 'Don't take her, she's got cancer'.
Or after 3/4 of Harry Potter you go and ask when the cute Hobbits will turn up or what happened to that fancy ring.

I wish I would have lived when 'The Empire Strikes Back' hit the big screens. It would have been fun to ruin it for some movie-goers by telling them after the first half than Luke was Vader's son.

Sorry for the lil' hijack, back to some incredible stupid football-player quotes? (since it's Euro 04, you know)

- 'I'll only say one word: Thank you' - german player Horst Hrubesch
- 'I hope this match will not be my only debut' - Sebastian Deisler
- 'Well, there's only one possibility: Win, draw or loss' - Franz Beckenbauer

Snoopy

 

[cloudy]

"Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally."
- Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate."
- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

Commenting on Michael Jordan's playing during the 1998 NBA finals: "A zebra cannot change its spots." - Al Gore

And one of my personal favorites:

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
- John Wayne

 

[silversword]

Another Classic British Sporting Quote...

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:

"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

 

[Guest]

The audience at a truly awful off-Broadway rendition of "The Diary of Anne Frank", starring Pia Zadora, shouted this as the German soldiers arrived on stage -

"She's in the attic"

*coke sputter*

Excellent!


Pia Zadora? Good Christ! (shudder)

 

[Belegon]

Another baseball one for Dr. M

"and he slides into second with a standup double"
-Jerry Coleman

 

[Guest]

This is taken from Brian Johnston's book, 'Rain Stops Play', as quoted by Brian himself -

"At The Oval in 1976, England were playing the West Indies and after the match a lady wrote to me saying how much she had enjoyed our commentaries, but that I ought to be more careful, as we had a lot of young listeners. She asked if I realised what I said when they came to me as Michael Holding was bowling to Peter Willey. She told me that I had said, 'The bowler's holding the batsman's willy'. "

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Or after 3/4 of Harry Potter you go and ask when the cute Hobbits will turn up or what happened to that fancy ring.

You'd get Avada Kedavra'd before you had finished that sentence!!!

 

[Guest]

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." - Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

"The team has come along slow but fast." - Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager

"I think the team that wins Game 5 will win the series. Unless we lose Game 5." - Charles Barkley, NBA Basketball Player

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." - Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"Football players win football games." - Chuck Knox, football coach

"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime." - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!" - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." - David Acfield

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something." - Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

"We're just physically not physical enough." - Denny Crum, Louisville basketball coach

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." - Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not
there?" - Driver school applicant

"The world is more like it is now then it ever was before." - Dwight Eisenhower

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money." - Everett Dirksen, Congressman

 

[CharleyH]

Paraphrasing my American mentor, Britney Spears, "I like to travel to overseas countries, like Canada."

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Paraphrasing my American mentor, Britney Spears, "I like to travel to overseas countries, like Canada."

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
I always thought those were just big Lakes?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Some Yogi Berra quotes:

"This is like deja vu all over again."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.

"I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.

"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.

"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

And more at

http://rinkworks.com/said/yogiberra.shtml

---Zoot

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Some of these quotes make me wonder how the people behind them can be allowed loose in the world...

 

[Guest]

"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime." - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

Wow. I've been so appalled at the "Bush-isms" lately I'd almost forgotten all the Dan Quayle fuck-ups.


I do like that quote, actually.


Give a person a fish, they'll eat for a day. Teach a person to fish, and they'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day!


(that's what my father does!)

 

[Guest]

 

[mcfbridge]

Two of my favorites are classic radio bloopers.

1. Nome Alaska, weather report. "And now I'll take a leak out the window to see if it's freezing outside."


2. "5 people were killed in a traffic accident last night, 3 seriously."


And my favorite comment on a stupid quote is from of all people, Dan Quayle. "If Al Gore invented the internet, then I invented spellcheck."