Drunken Sex

[3113]

I need some thoughts on this for a story that's still percolating.

You go to a bar sober and stay sober with the intent on sex with someone too drunk to, well, be discerning. I'm not saying that you're a serial killer or anything awful--you just know that the drunk person is going to be more pliable. They might think twice (or say no) to sex with you sober, but drunk, they're game.

We'll assume you're not going to go home with anyone who's so drunk they're going to pass out or spend the night throwing up. Nor is the person so drunk that they can't perform, or say "No," if they really, really want to say "no." Their level of drunkiness is to where inhibitions are gone and judgement is impaired. They may or may not completely remember what they did in the morning, and they may or may not regret it, but, so long as they are drunk, they are agreeable.

So how much of an advantage are you taking? Putting it another way, on the reprehensible scale, how reprehensible is it for a man or a woman to take advantage of this person's impaired judgement?

 

[Darkniciad]

As a calculated plan - going out sober with the express purpose of finding someone so intoxicated they would jump on the first thing pointed in their direction with minimal coaxing on a regular basis: That's pretty high up on the old "jackass" scale to me.

That sort of calculation is only a step off from stalking - and worse. Someone with that mentality is only a few steps shy of appearing on America's Most Wanted.

A one time thing, or a once in a while thing - that could be different. But someone who's out there every night hunting easy prey...

 

[MissBri]

 

[Huckleman2000]

Isn't that what happens on most one-night stands?

Although, being sober and taking advantage of someone drunk is pretty jerkish for either a man or a woman.

 

[MissBri]

 

[Huckleman2000]

I wasn't trying to take advantage, for the record... I was just hoping that this particular friend would be more open-minded this evening.

hehe, I had in mind that the two people involved in 3113's scenario were pretty much strangers.

With friends, I'm sure it's another story. Usually, the one wanting more is the one who needs to get some courage up, not the other way around.

 

[3113]

Isn't that what happens on most one-night stands?

Well, no, because on most one-night stands BOTH people are a little drunk It really doesn't count if you've both been drinking and both have impaired judgement.

In this case we're talking about someone who drinks club soda while watching others drink down shots of tequila, who waits till the one he's interested in looks a little tipsy before approaching them. He (or she) has the advantage--in theory that is. The drunk has the advantage of being unpredictable.

 

[3113]

That sort of calculation is only a step off from stalking - and worse. Someone with that mentality is only a few steps shy of appearing on America's Most Wanted.

A one time thing, or a once in a while thing - that could be different. But someone who's out there every night hunting easy prey...

Thanks for the reply. I'm trying to gauge reader response to such a character and this was close to what I felt. Never having been much into the bar scene, however, I wondered if I might be judging the guy/girl too harshly.

I'm presuming that he/she doesn't got out hunting every night, and that this is a once-in-a-while thing based more on low self-esteem than laziness or just getting off on someone who is inebriated. Clearly, as in the old movies, anyone who takes advantage in this way is no "gentleman," but I was wondering, with the modern bar scene, if he/she would be viewed as really reprehensible.

 

[Aurora Black]

That really sets off my "Creep" alarm.

 

[Darkniciad]

Thanks for the reply. I'm trying to gauge reader response to such a character and this was close to what I felt. Never having been much into the bar scene, however, I wondered if I might be judging the guy/girl too harshly.

I'm presuming that he/she doesn't got out hunting every night, and that this is a once-in-a-while thing based more on low self-esteem than laziness or just getting off on someone who is inebriated. Clearly, as in the old movies, anyone who takes advantage in this way is no "gentleman," but I was wondering, with the modern bar scene, if he/she would be viewed as really reprehensible.

I've only been in a bar once in my life, and only for my girlfriend's sake. Put that many people in one place ( especially drunken strangers ) and at least half of them I want to beat about the head and neck area with blunt instruments for an hour or three.

I'm not a people person *laugh*

I prefer smaller, outdoor venues to get lit up. Room to get away from people when they get on me nerves. I have known people that fit the description, though, so that's the basis of my comment. Most of them have ended up with restraining orders on them at one point or another.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I think my judgment is reserved for the character of the sober-ish person seeking the drunk-ish person. If he/she is bent on getting laid that night and damn the consequence to the other person, yes it's reprehensible. If, on the other hand, the person on the prowl is just commitment phobic, unsure of him/herself, or trying to appease some need with an inhebriated person that won't delve into all the nooks and crannies of his/her life ... then I think it's not reprehensible at all. The thing that would trip me up would be blatant manipulation of the other person. I'm of the opinion that if you're in a public bar and on your way to getting wasted or having fairly impaired judgment/inhibitions, then you should be prepared for getting picked up by the ugliest person in the bar for sex. Otherwise, you'd have gone with a group of girls or guys that knew you just wanted to get torn up and dance, so that they could look out for your impairments.
*shrug*

 

[The_Fool]

My problem with this is when sober, I find drunk people to be funny, endearing, occasionally very stupid but not very sexually inviting. Unless of course they are belligerent drunks, then I just want to kick their ass....

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I've been told to do that, but I just don't have it in me. I'm a dirty old man, and a creep, but I can't see myself being such a scoundrel about getting laid (which is probably why I haven't been in so long).

 

[Selena_Kitt]

It might make a difference if the person were to be planning something with someone they knew... not a stranger. Someone they had a little unrequited thing for... ?

 

[glynndah]

Why not just hang around the shelter care facility for the developmentally disabled? I think there's a fine line between taking advantage of a situation one finds himself in and deliberately setting out to get some easy pickings.

 

[3113]

My problem with this is when sober, I find drunk people to be funny, endearing, occasionally very stupid but not very sexually inviting. Unless of course they are belligerent drunks, then I just want to kick their ass....

I'm in agreement with you actually. Nothing less sexy to me than someone who's drunk. Tipsy might be sexy, drunk isn't.

 

[S-Des]

I'm with Lucky. Since I'm in the bars every weekend (ugh!), I see it all the time. There is a big difference between buying someone drinks, hoping it loosens them up, and someone waiting & watching a person who's getting drunk, hoping to take advantage. It'll all depend on how you tell the sober person's emotions. If he's (I'm guessing it's a he) just shy and hoping the other person will loosen up, then yes it happens all the time and it's not a big deal. If he's trying to get him/her drunk so he can take advantage, then it's sleazy. However, you can't alleviate the responsibility from the drinker either. Some people get drunk to build up their courage. Unless someone's forcing them to drink (or spiking it), they know what they're doing.

The old, "Oh, I drank too much and did something I shouldn't have..." line doesn't work with me. I see too many people getting drunk and having the time of their lives. If they can't control themselves, they should look into AA instead of blaming the person buying.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

All my experience says that the whole loss-of-sexual-inhibitions-when-drunk thing is pretty much a myth, unless you're talking about getting the other person so drunk that it's not their inhibitions that are affected, but their ability to defend themselves. You can get someone drunk to the point of idiocy, but by then you're not going to have much of a sexual experience, and it's probably going to be as much rape as it is sex.

I think a lot of people use drunkenness as an excuse for having sex they already wanted to have, but I've never had it work where I plied someone with drink and was then able to get them into bed because they were drunk, and I admit, I've tried. Drinking allows you to pretend your inhibitions are lowered. I don't think it really lowers them though.

I think it's kind of like the hypnosis myth that says you can hypnotize someone to do whatever you want them to do. You can't. Sexual inhibitions are pretty strong for most people. They don't just fly out the window with three or four drinks.

 

[3113]

I think a lot of people use drunkenness as an excuse for having sex they already wanted to have, but I've never had it work where I plied someone with drink and was then able to get them into bed because they were drunk, and I admit, I've tried. Drinking allows you to pretend your inhibitions are lowered. I don't think it really lowers them though.

That's an interesting point and I'm glad you posted this. I grant that if the drunk (and we aren't talking falling down/passing out drunk), really, really doesn't want to have sex with a person, then they can still refuse.

I'm looking for the kind of drunk who would be more discerning sober, but when drunk becomes less so. I *think* that's not unreasonable. You're right that a lot of people drink as a pretense...but I also think that a lot of people's standards go down as they get drunk as well. A person they might have refused at the beginning of the evening, when sober, they'll say, "Why not?" to by the end of the evening, when drunk.

 

[3113]

I'm with Lucky. Since I'm in the bars every weekend (ugh!), I see it all the time. There is a big difference between buying someone drinks, hoping it loosens them up, and someone waiting & watching a person who's getting drunk, hoping to take advantage. It'll all depend on how you tell the sober person's emotions. If he's (I'm guessing it's a he) just shy and hoping the other person will loosen up, then yes it happens all the time and it's not a big deal. If he's trying to get him/her drunk so he can take advantage, then it's sleazy. However, you can't alleviate the responsibility from the drinker either. Some people get drunk to build up their courage. Unless someone's forcing them to drink (or spiking it), they know what they're doing.

Great post, S-Des, thank you. That says it all very clearly. And the drunk building up courage is an excellent point.

 

[angela146]

There is a fine line between a lack of judgement and a lack of informed consent.

In some jurisdictions, you can be convicted of rape if you have sex with a person who incapable of informed consent because they are drunk.

And in my mind, the "creep-o-meter" goes into the red zone long before that.

 

[TheEarl]

I won't do it, if I know that the person wouldn't have sex with me while they were sober. This has come up in my life before and I'm proud to say that I have rebuffed an approach from someone who would have been mortified in the morning had we actually done it. Of course, there's a little part of me that's very annoyed that I did...

The Earl

 

[3113]

I won't do it, if I know that the person wouldn't have sex with me while they were sober. This has come up in my life before and I'm proud to say that I have rebuffed an approach from someone who would have been mortified in the morning had we actually done it. Of course, there's a little part of me that's very annoyed that I did...

Earl! How could anyone be mortified to discover that they slept with you? I don't believe it!

 

[oggbashan]

Legal debate

There is a debate among lawyers in the UK about consent when intoxicated.

Case law currently suggests that drunken consent is still consent and therefore no rape has occurred.

There is a suggestion that the law should be changed so that someone who is drunk CANNOT consent and therefore any intercourse would be rape. Of course then a definition of 'drunk' has to be worked out and tested.

When both are drunk? Presumably neither can consent and they rape each other. It sounds like a recipe for more lawyers to make money.

Og

 

[3113]

There is a suggestion that the law should be changed so that someone who is drunk CANNOT consent and therefore any intercourse would be rape. Of course then a definition of 'drunk' has to be worked out and tested.

When both are drunk? Presumably neither can consent and they rape each other. It sounds like a recipe for more lawyers to make money.

Yeah, this makes no kinda sense unless everyone keeps a breathalyzer by the bed. I can understand, once again, if the person is passed out, but if they're just drunk then it's nonsense.