Dream Lover

[Lonelypoet]

Lonely nights do creep on by,
while silver moon fills winter sky.

Thoughts of love do haunt my mind,
while ropes of doubt are so unkind.

Her sweet lips do fill my sleep,
while in her love I sink so deep.

Calls for me from over there,
I smell the fragrance of her hair.

Tells me that she needs me so,
and save me from my life of woe.

Comes to me each moonlit night,
to bathe me in her healing light.

Nevermore this earth to roam,
for her sweet breasts shall be my home.

~ Lonelypoet

 

[wildsweetone]

i like this one. i like the images of the silver moon in a winter sky, the ropes of doubt, etc. they are all tangible, vivid images i can clearly see.

the only stanza without an image for me, is the fifth. can you think of a specific image for 'life of woe'?

would it sound different if you take out the word 'do' in the first three stanzas? i think that would make the third stanza (first line) needing another syllable. maybe 'her' could be changed to a two syllable word? sorry, i don't have much experience with metre etc.




keep writing!



(i wonder if i'm a visual person)

 

[Lonelypoet]

Thanks!

I will, don't worry!

i like this one. i like the images of the silver moon in a winter sky, the ropes of doubt, etc. they are all tangible, vivid images i can clearly see.

the only stanza without an image for me, is the fifth. can you think of a specific image for 'life of woe'?

would it sound different if you take out the word 'do' in the first three stanzas? i think that would make the third stanza (first line) needing another syllable. maybe 'her' could be changed to a two syllable word? sorry, i don't have much experience with metre etc.




keep writing

(i wonder if i'm a visual person)