DRAMA Damnit!!!

[Keroin]

I’ve been observing some exchanges on here and in RL lately, and noting how some people seem to gravitate toward drama. I’ll admit, when I was young(er) I invited a great deal of drama into my life. (I have my theories about why.)

These days I do my best to keep the dramatics to a minimum. Excitement and thrills I love, drama not so much.

How do you stand on “drama”? How do you define it? (Oh no, not semantics again!) If you love drama, why? If you don’t, why not?

Curious…as always.

 

[graceanne]

I’ve been observing some exchanges on here and in RL lately, and noting how some people seem to gravitate toward drama. I’ll admit, when I was young(er) I invited a great deal of drama into my life. (I have my theories about why.)

These days I do my best to keep the dramatics to a minimum. Excitement and thrills I love, drama not so much.

How do you stand on “drama”? How do you define it? (Oh no, not semantics again!) If you love drama, why? If you don’t, why not?

Curious…as always.

Depends on the drama and why, but I tend to be interested briefly when it first starts, but I'm easily and quickly bored and wander away. (The story of my life.)

Some kinda of drama (he said, she said kind of crap) I have no tolerance for. Also, if someone tends to always be in drama the time period I'm interested is a lot shorter. And I have no patience for 'pass the note in study hall' drama. I'm not going to pass on stuff for anyone, and if something is told to me through a third party I'm instantly done. As far as I'm concerned we're all adults, and if someone doesn't have the balls to take their complaint directly to the source, then they don't get to complain. The same goes for not complaining until you're so pissed that you explode.

 

[rida]

How do I define it?
Any extreme reaction to words/actions that blow the issue at hands out of proportions. Taking everything as a personal insult. The insistence on picking on an issue/person to create or fuel conflict. The inability to walk away without having said the last crucial cutting word.

In my mind's world, there is a lot of drama, of the "speak your tongue without filters, blow things out of proportion and walk away with the last witty word". It is just that I don't enjoy it in real life, where you cannot do "do overs" and you have to live with the consequences of it for the rest of your life. It is not worth the hassle, the ulcer and the bad karma.

I do confess, however to often follow it, as I find fascinating looking at people interactions and verbal spats. (It can get however repetitive and than it lose its shine.)

 

[CutieMouse]

Not a fan.

Not
Not
Not

And yet, I work in a field populated by where emotions run high, the "mean girls" attitudes of high school never died off [for some], and histrionics abound.



How do I define it?

What rida said -

How do I define it?
Any extreme reaction to words/actions that blow the issue at hands out of proportions. Taking everything as a personal insult. The insistence on picking on an issue/person to create or fuel conflict. The inability to walk away without having said the last crucial cutting word.

 

[MisterSir]

All the world is gum
And all the men and women merely chewers
They have their disposals and their new pieces
And one man in his time chews many flavours
His acts being seven stages. At first the freshness
Salivating and savouring in the taster's mouth;
And then the peculiar essence, it's familiarity
And growing softness, drawing the attention
Off the mundane. And then the routine,
fades into the background, at once there and not.
Then a wad, full of intransigence and weighted by saliva,
Ungrateful to serve it's purpose, sticks to the teeth


I'm honestly not sure what possessed me to write that.

 

[BiBunny]

I dunno. Does rarely being the actual cause of drama (unless people are being assholes, and I'm incredibly bored), but somehow finding myself dragged into other people's shit on a regular basis count as making me a "drama queen?"

 

[ImOnIt]

I have dealt with some bitches in retail (and my word, they ARE bitches) who are drama personified. Bleugh. No thank you.

My little sister's first experience in retail was a woman involved in organising the 'Miss <country/town/region>' beauty pageants. She was a liar, a bitch, and so far up her own arse she couldn't conceive anyone not liking her. As a RETAIL ASSISTANT in a bikini store, this woman acted like she was the lord of the world. She told everyone she was just working there 'as a favour' when really she was totally unemployable and the store owner took pity on her.

A quote I overheard that has stuck with me for a few years: "You're ugly when you don't smile. You should smile more" Not hard to imagine that many of her staff spent a lot of time in tears.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

All the world is gum
And all the men and women merely chewers
They have their disposals and their new pieces
And one man in his time chews many flavours
His acts being seven stages. At first the freshness
Salivating and savouring in the taster's mouth;
And then the peculiar essence, it's familiarity
And growing softness, drawing the attention
Off the mundane. And then the routine,
fades into the background, at once there and not.
Then a wad, full of intransigence and weighted by saliva,
Ungrateful to serve it's purpose, sticks to the teeth


I'm honestly not sure what possessed me to write that.

Quoted cuz I liked it and also..

I am not a fan of drama...neither here nor in the real world. I don't have time to engage/indulge in dramatic arguments that have no possible positive outcomes. I don't deal with he said/she said. It annoys me. I refuse to get involved in other people's shit, I have my own crap and I would be the very last one to throw stones or get involved.

Drama isn't entertaining. It is annoying, repetitive and stupid. And yet, somehow, every once in a great while, other people drag me into their crap and I have to fight my way out of it.

 

[Seurat]

I get suckered in every once in a while. Work dictates that on occasion I expose myself (not in the nude though) to the possibility of interacting with some of the thousands of daily irate customers. At that time, I play duck and cover.

 

[Keroin]

I'm not going to pass on stuff for anyone, and if something is told to me through a third party I'm instantly done. As far as I'm concerned we're all adults, and if someone doesn't have the balls to take their complaint directly to the source, then they don't get to complain.

This resonates, several years ago I, (stupidly), let myself listen to a co-worker complain about another co-worker...who also happened to be my best friend. In retrospect, I realized she played me, and it still irks. Because of the nature of the complaints, (and the fact that she was spreading them far and wide), I felt compelled to discuss them with my friend - her job, I felt, was threatened.

Quel disaster. I shall never, ever allow myself to be manipulated in that manner again. I am not a conduit.

I do confess, however to often follow it, as I find fascinating looking at people interactions and verbal spats. (It can get however repetitive and than it lose its shine.)

In RL,I have an adverse, almost physical, reaction to arguments and I always have. I dislike them immensely. I will argue when I feel it's necessary but most times I feel matters can be solved without resorting to conflict.

Online, however, my reaction to arguments is much different. They seem more like "play" to me and thus lose their effect. Some are entertaining but, as you mention Rida, they tend to get repetitive and I quickly lose interest.

Not a fan.

Not
Not
Not

And yet, I work in a field populated by where emotions run high, the "mean girls" attitudes of high school never died off [for some], and histrionics abound.

Yes, I have heard of your troubles. You have my sympathies.

*Pours CM a glass of wine*

But men can be every bit as bad. Trust me on this.

All the world is gum
And all the men and women merely chewers
They have their disposals and their new pieces
And one man in his time chews many flavours
His acts being seven stages. At first the freshness
Salivating and savouring in the taster's mouth;
And then the peculiar essence, it's familiarity
And growing softness, drawing the attention
Off the mundane. And then the routine,
fades into the background, at once there and not.
Then a wad, full of intransigence and weighted by saliva,
Ungrateful to serve it's purpose, sticks to the teeth


I'm honestly not sure what possessed me to write that.

Whatever possessed you, I hope it possesses you again. That made me snicker delightfully.

I dunno. Does rarely being the actual cause of drama (unless people are being assholes, and I'm incredibly bored), but somehow finding myself dragged into other people's shit on a regular basis count as making me a "drama queen?"

Very good question here. More later...

I have dealt with some bitches in retail (and my word, they ARE bitches) who are drama personified. Bleugh. No thank you.

My little sister's first experience in retail was a woman involved in organising the 'Miss <country/town/region>' beauty pageants. She was a liar, a bitch, and so far up her own arse she couldn't conceive anyone not liking her. As a RETAIL ASSISTANT in a bikini store, this woman acted like she was the lord of the world. She told everyone she was just working there 'as a favour' when really she was totally unemployable and the store owner took pity on her.

A quote I overheard that has stuck with me for a few years: "You're ugly when you don't smile. You should smile more" Not hard to imagine that many of her staff spent a lot of time in tears.

Amazing how worked up folks can get about something as, let's face it, unimportant as selling swim wear.

...every once in a great while, other people drag me into their crap and I have to fight my way out of it.

I find that the older I get the more quickly I spot when people are trying to involve me in their "crap". I put the kibosh on this behaviour quickly and make it clear that I will not tolerate it in the future, and that works like a charm. My life is about 98% drama free these days. Ahhhh.

I get suckered in every once in a while. Work dictates that on occasion I expose myself (not in the nude though) to the possibility of interacting with some of the thousands of daily irate customers. At that time, I play duck and cover.

Work and family are the two areas that account for the 2% of drama in my life. Working from home helps with this, as does living seven hours away from the nearest family member .

 

[JMohegan]

How do you stand on “drama”? How do you define it? (Oh no, not semantics again!) If you love drama, why? If you don’t, why not?

Curious…as always.

I'd say there are multiple versions. Gossipmonger, attention whore, poor-me passive aggressive, chip-on-the-shoulder, general dick. All characterized by open conflict or antagonism with an inflated, feigned or real, emotional base.

My tolerance for it is very, very low.

 

[Keroin]

I dunno. Does rarely being the actual cause of drama (unless people are being assholes, and I'm incredibly bored), but somehow finding myself dragged into other people's shit on a regular basis count as making me a "drama queen?"

OK, the long answer...

No, I don’t think getting involved in other people’s drama makes you a drama queen but depending on the situations and the frequency I do think it makes you tolerant, possibly even encouraging, of drama.

There’s also a difference between being involved in drama and being surrounded by drama.

I think most people, at some point, find themselves surrounded by someone else’s drama. Sometimes there’s very little to be done about it, (in a workplace situation, for example), except to remain as neutral as humanly possible. Other times, there are steps that can be taken to reduce or stop the drama altogether. However, these steps often involve being “the bad guy” and hurting people’s feelings. And sometimes it involves removing friends, family, or entire groups out of your life completely. Not easy to do for most, I think.

As a firm believer that we are, to a large degree, what we choose to surround ourselves with, I am a merciless drama-trimmer. I have cut many people from my life because their “crap” was toxic to be around.

We all vent from time to time, it’s normal. I don’t mind, occasionally, listening to a friend bitch about the politics of their office or how their mother is driving them mental but that’s where my involvement ends.

 

[Keroin]

I'd say there are multiple versions. Gossipmonger, attention whore, poor-me passive aggressive, chip-on-the-shoulder, general dick. All characterized by open conflict or antagonism with an inflated, feigned or real, emotional base.

Good point. Yes, agreed, especially the text in bold.

ETA:Thinking of gossip reminded me of an incident early in my relationship with Lance. We were out to dinner with good friends, having some laughs and whatnot, and I started talking about a mutual acquaintance...not in a nice way. L called me on it. Right there. Right in front of our friends, he scolded me for gossiping. I was so angry, I didn't speak to him for the rest of the night and dinner was effectively ruined. However, it made me watch my tongue in the future and it made me aware that, yes, I did gossip. Something I am now ashamed of.

I'm so glad that he was willing to risk our relationship to point out that flaw in me.

 

[BiBunny]

OK, the long answer...

No, I don’t think getting involved in other people’s drama makes you a drama queen but depending on the situations and the frequency I do think it makes you tolerant, possibly even encouraging, of drama.

There’s also a difference between being involved in drama and being surrounded by drama.

I think most people, at some point, find themselves surrounded by someone else’s drama. Sometimes there’s very little to be done about it, (in a workplace situation, for example), except to remain as neutral as humanly possible. Other times, there are steps that can be taken to reduce or stop the drama altogether. However, these steps often involve being “the bad guy” and hurting people’s feelings. And sometimes it involves removing friends, family, or entire groups out of your life completely. Not easy to do for most, I think.

As a firm believer that we are, to a large degree, what we choose to surround ourselves with, I am a merciless drama-trimmer. I have cut many people from my life because their “crap” was toxic to be around.

We all vent from time to time, it’s normal. I don’t mind, occasionally, listening to a friend bitch about the politics of their office or how their mother is driving them mental but that’s where my involvement ends.

Yeah, I've had to cut some people out of my life because of their annoying tendency to drag me into their crap. Other people I know are sort of drama whores, but their good qualities outweigh their bad ones, so I tolerate it.

 

[graceanne]

This resonates, several years ago I, (stupidly), let myself listen to a co-worker complain about another co-worker...who also happened to be my best friend. In retrospect, I realized she played me, and it still irks. Because of the nature of the complaints, (and the fact that she was spreading them far and wide), I felt compelled to discuss them with my friend - her job, I felt, was threatened.

Quel disaster. I shall never, ever allow myself to be manipulated in that manner again. I am not a conduit.

I normally, when someone tries to involve me in something like this, say something like 'do you want me to, like, pass them a note in study hall'? If I have gum, I snap it. It makes my point, without being mean, and normally gets a laugh. I learned in highschool how often the messanger gets shot. Plus, if the the person doing the telling decides this is more drama than they were intending they can say 'i didn't say that' or 'i didn't say it like that' and guess who's the one in hot water? FUCK THAT!

I used to caregive for my step grandma, who was routinely on outs with my mom and step dad. She'd tell me stuff, or say stuff, fully intending for me to pass them on. I could have enjoyed the drama, but I just kept them to myself. The messenger never makes out well in these things; and I won't be used to hurt someone else. I don't care what's going on.

Well, I try not to, at least. I probably can be pulled in somewhat just cause I tend to be a bit too sympathetic.

 

[neci]

i don't like drama in my personal life. i like things calm. that being said, some of my best friends have been prone to high drama. there was always something going on. they are also very vibrant people. i'm more of the sit back, observe, take mental notes, go over here and do my own thing, come back, figure out what's going on, make a mental assessment of the situation, do what needs to be done, and have a glass of wine person. i also think that there's a difference in the kind of drama that happens when people are stressed and taking it out, without realizing the harm it can cause, and people who have just said, "fuck it."

 

[DVS]

Drama? What's that? I'm so laid back it's difficult to get me off of the chair, sometimes. It's like gravity has taken over and I'm there for the duration.

Oh, I'll get into some little tiff, every now and then, but I don't ever get very uptight. It might seem like I do, when you read my posts, but I don't. If I get to that point, I just give up. I don't like to get mad.

I do notice that no matter what the issue, it seems that nobody wants to back down from their position. I guess when someone backs down, it's like the other side wins or something. I don't see it that way. I get a kick out of posting my opinion sometimes. Yes, I can type pretty quickly, so I don't mind the long winded post. I'm sure some of you just let out a nervous sigh.

I really do like gum though and the idea of women chewing...well I guess I'm off topic a bit.

 

[FurryFury]

Once upon a time I wondered if I "needed" drama to be in my comfort zone. I wondered because nutty drama queens and kings seemed to always be close to me.

Also I'd seen people (in my family) who seemed to hate drama fall apart when their drama provider was dead or gone. They began to make their own drama because they had to have it.

Then I got a house. I gave none of the drama people had a key because I was so sick of it. Ahh!

I have found I don't need it, don't like it and I have less tolerance for it as I get older.

Yay!

 

[Erryn_Silver]

I call things drama as I see them. Mostly it's just unnecessary actions designed for getting attention.

I almost never start drama, but I don't tolerate bullshit, so I occasionally find myself bitching out some dipshit online.

 

[Soumis]

Medium Low - I have occasional dramatic flare ups. Generally these are centered around holidays when I feel compelled to have more interaction with a particular side of my family. The drama level was considerably higher when I was younger and living with them. It's simmered down now to the point of being nonexistent except during holidays.

I think I'm personally low drama of course!, but I work in a high drama environment for multiple reasons. There is the drama of working literally on that life and death line frequently; that drama I love. It keeps me coming to work, keeps me learning, pushing to be better at my job. There's also the work drama that comes from working in a department where 100% of the 200+ people who share my job title are women. I was a little naive when I first started there, but I try to steer clear of that variety of drama to the best of my ability. It helps and hurts that I'm very anti-confrontation. When the only one on the line is me, I'm generally willing to turn the other cheek. Unfortunately, some of my colleagues seem to be of the opinion that you're only worthy of respect if you push back, which I only do when necessary.

 

[satindesire]

All the world is gum
And all the men and women merely chewers
They have their disposals and their new pieces
And one man in his time chews many flavours
His acts being seven stages. At first the freshness
Salivating and savouring in the taster's mouth;
And then the peculiar essence, it's familiarity
And growing softness, drawing the attention
Off the mundane. And then the routine,
fades into the background, at once there and not.
Then a wad, full of intransigence and weighted by saliva,
Ungrateful to serve it's purpose, sticks to the teeth


I'm honestly not sure what possessed me to write that.

O_O I am so in love with you right now.

 

[SirLeo]

I find this thread itself entirely too much drama....

 

[Keroin]

I find this thread itself entirely too much drama....

WHAT???!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!



lol

 

[intothewoods]

I'm half attention whore and half dick -- so basically I'm one hell of a party.

Ba dum dum.

I actually dislike confrontation, so the only drama I've had in my life is actually from talking behind a person's back rather than confronting them head on. I really don't make that mistake anymore though. It's not worth it! And for that reason I try to avoid petty gossip too.

As for drama around me, I generally don't get caught up in it and it often just goes away. I don't have energy for negative stuff, so if it's a waste of my time, I won't engage. I've worked with people who feed off drama and I always stay out of it, or just cut to the issue. I have zero tolerance for that stuff at work. It's very easy to avoid. If you refuse to feed attention whores, they will eventually move on to another target.

 

[Keroin]

I find it interesting that I witness a fair amount of drama on Lit and yet all but one of the people responding to the poll have categorized themselves as below medium. So, either the high drama folks aren't responding or...

I normally, when someone tries to involve me in something like this, say something like 'do you want me to, like, pass them a note in study hall'? If I have gum, I snap it. It makes my point, without being mean, and normally gets a laugh. I learned in highschool how often the messanger gets shot. Plus, if the the person doing the telling decides this is more drama than they were intending they can say 'i didn't say that' or 'i didn't say it like that' and guess who's the one in hot water? FUCK THAT!

I used to caregive for my step grandma, who was routinely on outs with my mom and step dad. She'd tell me stuff, or say stuff, fully intending for me to pass them on. I could have enjoyed the drama, but I just kept them to myself. The messenger never makes out well in these things; and I won't be used to hurt someone else. I don't care what's going on.

Well, I try not to, at least. I probably can be pulled in somewhat just cause I tend to be a bit too sympathetic.

My standard response now, when someone tries to engage me in this sort of thing is, "I don't feel comfortable talking about 'X' this way." Usually, just acknowledging that you are not going to be a willing ear is enough to shut it down.

i also think that there's a difference in the kind of drama that happens when people are stressed and taking it out, without realizing the harm it can cause, and people who have just said, "fuck it."

Agreed. My half sister is one of the people I had to cut out of my life for drama-related reasons. She's a nice girl but her life is a mess and it keeps getting messier and I am in no position to make a difference. At least not until she is able to recognize that she is the architect of her own unhappiness. I hope she does. I honestly believe she has no clue how much damage she is doing to the people around her.

Drama? What's that? I'm so laid back it's difficult to get me off of the chair, sometimes. It's like gravity has taken over and I'm there for the duration.

Oh, I'll get into some little tiff, every now and then, but I don't ever get very uptight. It might seem like I do, when you read my posts, but I don't. If I get to that point, I just give up. I don't like to get mad.

I do notice that no matter what the issue, it seems that nobody wants to back down from their position. I guess when someone backs down, it's like the other side wins or something. I don't see it that way. I get a kick out of posting my opinion sometimes. Yes, I can type pretty quickly, so I don't mind the long winded post. I'm sure some of you just let out a nervous sigh.

I really do like gum though and the idea of women chewing...well I guess I'm off topic a bit.

Awwww, DVS, I love your long-winded posts...even if I teased you about them. Don't edit yourself on my account.

Once upon a time I wondered if I "needed" drama to be in my comfort zone. I wondered because nutty drama queens and kings seemed to always be close to me.

Also I'd seen people (in my family) who seemed to hate drama fall apart when their drama provider was dead or gone. They began to make their own drama because they had to have it.

Then I got a house. I gave none of the drama people had a key because I was so sick of it. Ahh!

I have found I don't need it, don't like it and I have less tolerance for it as I get older.

Yay!

To my mind, there is a correlation between drama, maturity and purpose. As a home owner, I'm sure you realized that there were many responsibilities that came along with the actual, physical "house". This is all part of maturing, realizing that there are enough genuine concerns in life without creating artificial ones. Also, owning a home, having kids, pursuing a career, etc, these kinds of things give people purpose. With purpose, there is less need to seek out things to fill the gaps and chase away the boredom that breeds drama.

And also, once you get rid of it, you often wonder why you tolerated drama to begin with.

I call things drama as I see them.

I would be curious to put forth a situation or scene and see how many people judge it as drama and how many not. Hm.

I think I'm personally low drama of course!, but I work in a high drama environment for multiple reasons. There is the drama of working literally on that life and death line frequently; that drama I love. It keeps me coming to work, keeps me learning, pushing to be better at my job.

This kind of drama is more of what I would term "excitement". And completely understandable given your occupation.

There's also the work drama that comes from working in a department where 100% of the 200+ people who share my job title are women. I was a little naive when I first started there, but I try to steer clear of that variety of drama to the best of my ability. It helps and hurts that I'm very anti-confrontation. When the only one on the line is me, I'm generally willing to turn the other cheek. Unfortunately, some of my colleagues seem to be of the opinion that you're only worthy of respect if you push back, which I only do when necessary.

Yes, women do have a much higher drama quotient, in my experience. Men are not without guilt but, yeah, lots of women working together seems to create the perfect conditions for drama.

I'm generally not a "push back" type either, so I know where you're coming from on this, Soumis.