Dragons of Fraidel update

[Zodia195]

OMG! After 4 months I finally uploaded Ch. 7, part 1 of my Dragons of Fraidel story! I tell you the spring and summer months really seem to zap my creative energy, but hey compared to last time I was in a creative slump, this is awesome timing haha.

So feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Bramblethorn]

For readers who have signature display disabled, the story link: http://www.literotica.com/s/dragons-of-fraidel-ch-00-01

 

[DragonCat91]

You had me at dragons! I shall give it a look when I can!

 

[AwkwardMD]

It's tricky business to give feedback on a continuing piece. On the one hand, jumping into the 7th chapter (and really the... 12th?), I SHOULD be lost. You would be doing your readers a disservice by explaining everything to new readers to the extent that the previous chapters need not be read.

And I was. Very lost. Don't know who the characters are. Puzzled by the circumstances. This is good, but it means I'm not in a position to give you meaningful feedback on anything ongoing.

On the other hand, I can judge the writing. Your prose is very verbose. Very flowery. On the edge of being overwrought. I can't say this is surprising as a quick perusal of your catalog shows a lengthy non-erotic story about finding the last unicorn. Lush romanticism seems to be your stock and trade.

This is very far afield of my milieu. My normal advice in this situation is to tell you to simplify sentence structure, eliminate unnecessary words (began, started, etc), but I'm going to suggest something different.

I think you need to spend more time deciding what the emotional heart of a scene is, and how to make that shine. This chapter was about an art show. The primary action in the one major scene was for Galeena to introduce a piece of art and then banter with the subjects of the piece.

Why? This scene feels like a moderate stepping stone as Galeena... builds a reputation with powerful heads of state? I'm guessing? Shows off her artistic talent? Metaphorically taking us to a shooting range so Chekov can fire his fucking gun already? Explains to the reader what dragons look like?

It's hard to avoid coming in at this stage of the game and not feeling like this scene is superfluous to whatever larger story you are telling. It's hard to imagine that the scene where the protagonist gave everyone pictures of themseves stands tall in a big fantasy piece retrospectively.

Be ruthless with yourself, and don't hesitate to kill your darlings.

P.S. To be fair, I'm pretty sure that I'm about as far from the intended audience as can be. I feel like your audience is people who use the word 'shall' in conversation un-ironically. That's not a criticism, just an observation. My point is that my critique should probably be taken with some salt. Or some sugar, depending on your metaphor of choice.

 

[Zodia195]

That's actually a good idea to sum up what has been happening when I ask for feedback.

I have actually tried cutting back on words I don't really need. And yes some of those words I do use in my own personal vocabulary. I have noticed I use a lot of adverbs and they aren't always needed.

You should have seen my writing when I first started taking writing seriously. I used SAT words lol. One of my first critics pointed that out and said I didn't need to use 'big words' to impress others. It was actually my dad who told me that.

So you basically want me to try and simplify more, Awkward? Sorry I am trying to get your point here. I do take critiques seriously and want to continue to improve myself. It's one reason why I read a lot of published works. I mostly read romance novels though.

Oh, by the way, I did describe all my characters physically when the reader initially meets them, especially main characters.

And no worries, I do plan on putting my characters through the ringer. I believe in happy endings, but I want my main characters to earn it. I don't want to say anything specific because that be spoiling.

Thanks for the feedback and sorry you go lost.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but don't resummaraize and redescribe your characters, their situation, and the scenery any more than you have to. If you're going to put something in here, in a forum post, for the sake of helping those giving you feedback, that's not a bad idea, but please don't take away that you should be explaining things more.

It's ok that I was lost. I should have been. That means your large-scale storytelling is good, and it also speaks well of your pacing. That was only a problem because you wanted detailed feedback in the middle.

Good luck with your writing!