Hi there. The latest part of my Dragons of Fraidel is up now. Would love feedback please.
https://www.literotica.com/s/dragons-of-fraidel-ch-06-pt-05
https://www.literotica.com/s/dragons-of-fraidel-ch-06-pt-05
Dragons of Fraidel update
- Thread starter Zodia195
- Start date
DreamCloud
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2014
- Posts
- 403
Your plot is interesting and unique. I especially enjoy the dream/soulmate twist.
In my opinion, your writing does suffer from a lack of conciseness. Too much information placed in a single sentence makes them clunky and difficult to read. Sometimes, you include unnecessary information that is easily inferred.
I would drop the prologue and embed it slowly in the chapters. You could have added half when Torrence was in the initial dream sequence - comparing and contrasting between the worlds. Building the puzzle is always more enjoyable than slapping the completed thing in the reader's face.
Of course, my writing suffers from the same things, especially my early works. 'Error' is my middle name.
In my opinion, your writing does suffer from a lack of conciseness. Too much information placed in a single sentence makes them clunky and difficult to read. Sometimes, you include unnecessary information that is easily inferred.
I would drop the prologue and embed it slowly in the chapters. You could have added half when Torrence was in the initial dream sequence - comparing and contrasting between the worlds. Building the puzzle is always more enjoyable than slapping the completed thing in the reader's face.
Of course, my writing suffers from the same things, especially my early works. 'Error' is my middle name.
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