Dr. SusanJillParker Consultation Thread, MA, MBA, PhD., JD, CPA, of SEX

[SusanJillParker]

Hi,

I'm Dr. SusanJillParker, MA, MBA, PhD., JD, CPA, of SEX.

With great modesty and humbleness, I am an expert at everything that relates to S-E-X. I know it all. I do. I know everything. I even know where the bodies are buried. I do. I make it my business to know.

Whatever questions you may have will be answered. Ask me anything about S-E-X. Go ahead. I dare you to stump me.

My purpose with this thread is to serve Author Hangout members with their questions and whatever confusion they may have for free. Unlike other doctors and lawyers, there is never a charge to ask a question.

Trust me, all questions will be deemed confidential. No one will see your questions and my answer but for everyone on Literotica. Rest assured that the doctor/client privileges are intact.

Only, if you would be so kind, please stand behind the yellow line. Please take a number and wait your turn. No pushing please. Please turn off all cell phones, mobile devices, and pipe bombs. No talking. No smoking. No chewing gum. Of course, being that this is Literotica, sex is permissible while you wait.

And, above all, no sexual question is stupid. All sexual questions require my deepest thought and personal attention. Depending on the man asking the question, some of my answers may require a strip search by me. Don't worry. I have a box full of latex gloves.

Next in line please.

 

[loquere]

The idea of protected sex with someone who has HIV, turns me on. Is this wrong?

 

[SusanJillParker]

The idea of protected sex with someone who has HIV, turns me on. Is this wrong?

It's never wrong to have an idea? Your mind is your safe place. You are allowed to have whatever ideas you choose to have.

I always wanted to have sex with my priest, Father O'Brien. I never had sex with him but I'd masturbate myself while fantasizing having sex with him.

Now, if you went ahead and had protected sex with someone who has HIV, that's your personal decision. That's up to you to decide if it's right or wrong to have sex with them.

I've seen some hot men who have HIV that I'd be tempt to have sex with but many of them were gay unfortunately.

I hope I answered your question. Please sign the card at the front desk with your name, address, and phone number. I'm giving out free fruitcakes to the first 100 clients.

Thank you for your question. I hope to see you back again with more questions. Have a wonderful day.

 

[loquere]

It's never wrong to have an idea? Your mind is your safe place. You are allowed to have whatever ideas you choose to have.

I always wanted to have sex with my priest, Father O'Brien. I never had sex with him but I'd masturbate myself while fantasizing having sex with him.

Now, if you went ahead and had protected sex with someone who has HIV, that's your personal decision. That's up to you to decide if it's right or wrong to have sex with them.

I've seen some hot men who have HIV that I'd be tempt to have sex with but many of them were gay unfortunately.

I hope I answered your question. Please sign the card at the front desk with your name, address, and phone number. I'm giving out free fruitcakes to the first 100 clients.

Thank you for your question. I hope to see you back again with more questions. Have a wonderful day.

It's not an idea i'm actively trying to do it. Sex where you could die is hot! Blood and sex oh boy!

 

[SusanJillParker]

It's not an idea i'm actively trying to do it. Sex where you could die is hot!

Sorry. You jumped the line. You failed to take a number. There are other people ahead of you. I'm with someone right now. Come back tomorrow or make an appointment for later with my secretaries, Crystal or Tiffany.

 

[loquere]

Sorry. You jumped the line. You failed to take a number. There are other people ahead of you. I'm with someone right now. Come back tomorrow or make an appointment for later with my secretaries, Crystal or Tiffany.

"Secretaries." Its 2015 why would you use that word?

 

[SusanJillParker]

"Secretaries." Its 2015 why would you use that word?

Hey, I asked both Tiffany and Crystal to choose their titles, personal assistant, administrative assistant, vice-president in charge of appointments but they wanted to be secretaries. Who am I to argue. I didn't want to be sued, if you know what I mean, for workplace harassment.

It was their decision and not mine.

 

[MichaelinChina]

Sorry. You jumped the line. You failed to take a number. There are other people ahead of you. I'm with someone right now. Come back tomorrow or make an appointment for later with my secretaries, Crystal or Tiffany.

There's a line? Looks around.

 

[loquere]

There's a line? Looks around.

Ahh, that moment when you realize your therapist needs more help than you do.

 

[SusanJillParker]

Ahh, that moment when you realize your therapist needs more help than you do.

I never claimed to be sane, just funny but you wouldn't get that with you not liking jokes.

"Hey! Anyone? Who doesn't like jokes?"

"Hmm, lemme think" said Jay Leno. "Terrorists don't think anything is funny before the explosion. After the explosion, they're laughing their asses off and giving high fives."

"Osama Bin Laden, didn't think jokes were funny," said President Obama. "Yet it was pretty funny when we dumped a pretend body at sea and set him up in a luxury condo in Qatar. Now that was funny fooling the American people into thinking he was dead."

"The Republicans have no sense of humor," said Hillary.

"Hillary has no sense of humor," said Monica Lewinsky.

"I think everything is funny," said Sarah Palin. "Look how much my tits have sagged since I left office. Hey look, I can see Russia from my back porch."

"We make unsafe cars that kill Americans," said Mr. Toyota. "Now that funny."

 

[loquere]

I never claimed to be sane, just funny but you wouldn't get that with you not liking jokes.

"Hey! Anyone? Who doesn't like jokes?"

"Hmm, lemme think" said Jay Leno. "Terrorists don't think anything is funny before the explosion. After the explosion, they're laughing their asses off and giving high fives."

"Osama Bin Laden, didn't think jokes were funny," said President Obama. "Yet it was pretty funny when we dumped a pretend body at sea and set him up in a luxury condo in Qatar. Now that was funny fooling the American people into thinking he was dead."

"The Republicans have no sense of humor," said Hillary.

"Hillary has no sense of humor," said Monica Lewinsky.

"I think everything is funny," said Sarah Palin. "Look how much my tits have sagged since I left office. Hey look, I can see Russia from my back porch."

"We make unsafe cars that kill Americans," said Mr. Toyota. "Now that funny."

Buying domestic vehicles is important for our national economy. I say that at least once a weak.

 

[mortis]

Love your stories

Is there a fantasy or behavior that is becoming more acceptable.
80's shaved
90's BJ's
00 Anal
10 ?????

 

[loquere]

Is there a fantasy or behavior that is becoming more acceptable.
80's shaved
90's BJ's
00 Anal
10 ?????

Fifty shades of grey..... BDSM rough sex etc etc etc

 

[SusanJillParker]

Is there a fantasy or behavior that is becoming more acceptable.
80's shaved
90's BJ's
00 Anal
10 ?????

There answer is within you. There answer is there up in the sky. The answer is religion. We are all making a slow about face from sex and debauchery to religion.

Yes, God is the answer. Get down on your knees before it's too late. Jesus is coming. The end is near. Save yourself before it's too late. Repent and ask for forgiveness.

"Nah, I'm just having some fun with you. I'm just kidding. What's new and hot is what as been around since the Roman's had sex with their mothers and sister.

Incest is the new wave. Take your mother in one hand and your sister in the other and walk out to the front lawn. Now strip off your clothes. Hurry.

The police will be there any minute.

 

[loquere]

There answer is within you. There answer is there up in the sky. The answer is religion. We are all making a slow about face from sex and debauchery to religion.

Yes, God is the answer. Get down on your knees before it's too late. Jesus is coming. The end is near. Save yourself before it's too late. Repent and ask for forgiveness.

"Nah, I'm just having some fun with you. I'm just kidding. What's new and hot is what as been around since the Roman's had sex with their mothers and sister.

Incest is the new wave. Take your mother in one hand and your sister in the other and walk out to the front lawn. Now strip off your clothes. Hurry.

The police will be there any minute.

I love authentic Italian food, Rome's a lovely city.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Ahh, that moment when you realize your therapist needs more help than you do.

This moment generally occurs when you're making the first appointment.

Is there a fantasy or behavior that is becoming more acceptable.
80's shaved
90's BJ's
00 Anal
10 ?????

Yes, you got it right. From 2010 on we're all just confused, but's that's okay, 'cause we're all doing it. Doing what? None of us know...

Get down on your knees before it's too late. Jesus is coming. The end is near.

Am i the only one feeling somewhat guilty over the obvious money shot reference that should be inserted here?

Q_C

 

[Nathan_Brazil]

A question if you please...

I...umm...I'm asking this question for a friend

He has an unusual fetish that society says might be a bit...umm, unacceptable.

He was afraid to ask for himself, so I offered to ask in his stead...

These bodies that you mentioned. The ones that you know the locations of... Are they available for dating.

I... I mean... He really needs to know right now.

Ahem...

 

[Celedriel]

Why do you sound like a college kid having a larf?

I'm Dr. SusanJillParker, MA, MBA, PhD., JD, CPA, of SEX.

Nobody types like that or makes up such a fake string of degrees.

 

[TxRad]

Why do you sound like a college kid having a larf?



Nobody types like that or makes up such a fake string of degrees.

Because susan ain't a Dr, has no degrees, and isn't even susan.

Welcome to AH personal theater 101.

PM if you have further questions.

 

[SusanJillParker]

I...umm...I'm asking this question for a friend

He has an unusual fetish that society says might be a bit...umm, unacceptable.

He was afraid to ask for himself, so I offered to ask in his stead...

These bodies that you mentioned. The ones that you know the locations of... Are they available for dating.

I... I mean... He really needs to know right now.

Ahem...

Typically men are into necrophilia also called thanatophilia, the sexual attraction to corpses. Yet, there are some women, especially widows who have gone mad after their husband has unexpectedly died and refuse to believe they are dead. Immune to the smell, the decay, and the maggots that infest their bed, they sleep with the dead body of their husband beside them.

If I thought you were serious about the location of the dead bodies, I may share that information with you but, I can tell you're not. I can tell that you're having fun with me and with this thread at my expense.

Normally, I would have given you a fruitcake but because you're question offended me, no fruitcake for you.

"Security! Big Louie. Remove this man. He smells funny."

 

[SusanJillParker]

Why do you sound like a college kid having a larf?



Nobody types like that or makes up such a fake string of degrees.

Fake? Do you skype? I'm holding up my Harvard University, Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), and Blaine Hairdressing degrees up to the screen.

Fake my ass. I'm the real deal.

No fruitcake for you.

Oh, and thank you for saying that I'm a college kid (lol). I take that as a compliment. I haven't heard that since the professor's wife caught me having sex with him.

"George? What the Hell are you doing? She's just a college kid."

 

[SusanJillParker]

I freely give my time and information as a public service.

"Questions? Do you have any questions. I have the answers. I can answer your questions. No matter what they may be, I know all. I know everything."

All I ask is that you take a number, take a seat, and wait your turn. All I ask is that you not talk to the others while waiting in the waiting room and that you turn off all cell phones and mobile devices. There's no smoking but sex is permissible.

"Next! Who's next?"

 

[NaokoSmith]

Hullo sweetheart, why don't you move your thread to the 'How To ...' Forum?

Gosh! I only went and posted a couple of times giving advice to someone with marital difficulties and I got a whole set of PMs from a guy pretending to be a feminist who ended up asking me how old Piglet is . Loads of fun. (To be fair, I think he was just clueless and had not thought that such a question would come over badly from some bloke off an erotica board.)

Guys, if you are in need of any ... ah, assistance , may I suggest that you check out Kingswoman's Big Tits Sex Therapist, my review here. KW tells me she got feedback from one guy who was quite down, and he said it made him laugh so much he forgot his troubles for half an hour - well, you can't ask more than that, can you. BTST is actually written by a bloke, and voiced by Kingswoman so it will fulfil all the manly fantasies which Dr. Parker - being a woman who never watches porn - can't be expected to know about

Dr. Naoko Smith
B.A. (Hons) Cantab, Ph.D.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I just remembered: God has no degrees or diplomas! He'd be arrested in every state if he cut your hair or toe nails. Harvard hired a few folks with no diplomas, and even Richard Feynman worked on the atomic bomb before he graduated college, but you cant do that shit today. Its why perfessers hate God.

 

[SusanJillParker]

Hullo sweetheart, why don't you move your thread to the 'How To ...' Forum?

Gosh! I only went and posted a couple of times giving advice to someone with marital difficulties and I got a whole set of PMs from a guy pretending to be a feminist who ended up asking me how old Piglet is . Loads of fun. (To be fair, I think he was just clueless and had not thought that such a question would come over badly from some bloke off an erotica board.)

Guys, if you are in need of any ... ah, assistance , may I suggest that you check out Kingswoman's Big Tits Sex Therapist, my review here. KW tells me she got feedback from one guy who was quite down, and he said it made him laugh so much he forgot his troubles for half an hour - well, you can't ask more than that, can you. BTST is actually written by a bloke, and voiced by Kingswoman so it will fulfil all the manly fantasies which Dr. Parker - being a woman who never watches porn - can't be expected to know about

Dr. Naoko Smith
B.A. (Hons) Cantab, Ph.D.

How to? I don't think my thread applies to How To?

Instead of having a writer having to do research on Google, I was hoping to answer questions specifically on the research on subjects regarding writing, which is why I posted this thread to the Author's Hangout.

Thank you.

Would you like a fruitcake?