Double damn standards

[sinnamongyrl]

ok,,,i was talking with one of my girlfriends about sex,,,,we both agree that desire is a very healthy thing and there is NOTHING wrong with a woman that has a healthy sexual appetite,,,,she and I are pretty much on the same wavelenghth,,,,,another friend was also involved,,,she hurt both of our feelings with this,,,then I stop to wonder if its true,,,she said that "SANDY"(not her real name) and I were both wayyy to much into sex,,,,,we gave it too often to men we were invloved with,,,we should have held back,,,,that we gave them nothing to"work at"....we thereofore ruined it all..we argued back and forth,,she said "well,,,,both of you are too easy with it,,,,thats why the men you are with DONT respect you,,,,,".....just wondering what you all think...NOW keep in mind...she was not going off because we sleep around(neither one of us do)...she meant we gave it up too easy to men we were with,,,,,,,,,,,,she also knows my marriage has failed(blamed my sexuality for that a bit),,,and That i have fallen for someone else(she said If i was smart,,,i would not make the same mistake with this man)

 

[Recidiva]

If a woman will think it, a guy will think it. So it's fine to know someone thinks it, but that's the only use it is.

Just avoid the people who think it and get on with your life.

Never hurts to know, just thank them for their opinion, file it, move on.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

I am just wondering though,,,,HOW much truth there is to what she said?and how many people actually agree with her?....Neither on of us("SANDY" or I have had very good past relation ships,,well i had ONE,,and she had one..but thats is,,the rest....not so great),,,and SHE(the one that said all of this....seems to have a happy,good marriage,,,she said she held back with the sex....so the guy had something to "work for",,,this to me..seems like silly ass games,,,,but what do I know?

 

[Recidiva]

I am just wondering though,,,,HOW much truth there is to what she said?and how many people actually agree with her?....Neither on of us("SANDY" or I have had very good past relation ships,,well i had ONE,,and she had one..but thats is,,the rest....not so great),,,and SHE(the one that said all of this....seems to have a happy,good marriage,,,she said she held back with the sex....so the guy had something to "work for",,,this to me..seems like silly ass games,,,,but what do I know?

All you have to know is that it's not true for you and that you say so. That's the secret. That's all anybody has. Other people just like polls and alliances and societies and crap to prove their point. You do get a vote in your own life. It's true. I've asked myself.

 

[southerntierguy]

I am just wondering though,,,,HOW much truth there is to what she said?and how many people actually agree with her?....Neither on of us("SANDY" or I have had very good past relation ships,,well i had ONE,,and she had one..but thats is,,the rest....not so great),,,and SHE(the one that said all of this....seems to have a happy,good marriage,,,she said she held back with the sex....so the guy had something to "work for",,,this to me..seems like silly ass games,,,,but what do I know?

Maybe that works for them, but I don't want any relationship with a woman who is going to play games with such an important aspect of life. I think this woman is heading for real trouble, and I doubt if this aspect of her character is exclusive to sex either.

Your view is the healthier one, and when you get the right guy, you'll be happier than her.

 

[writerz01]

Hello

If your happy with your life, live it. If not, change it. Everyone has an opinion. Only your opinion is what should be important enough to make a life style change.

 

[home nudist]

opinion

I think you hit on it exactly - a double standard. Personally, I find women with a healthy sexual appetite very desirable - not because they give it up to easily, but because they are honest about themselves and about their relationships. Plus - there is no game playing. I have a marriage that failed as well, because of my sexual appetities. There is nothing wrong with sex, and pleasuring oneself or one's partner(s). I wish I had met a woman like you when I was in my twenties - it would have made the time leading to my forties much pleasanter. Don't let your friend get you down!

 

[BeachGurl2]

There will always be people of both sexes who believe the way your friend does. Personally, I think that's stupid game playing. Women who have a healthy outlook on sex have always been seen as something less than normal or acceptable. I think that guys who have a healthy outlook on sex will appreciate that about you, and that not only will it NOT damage your chances at a good relationship, it will enhance your relationship. Do what feels right for you and the rest will come. Just my 2 cents.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

yeah,,I agree,I am thinking she may be a bit jealous,,,I dunno,,its just when she said the part about maybe thats why men in the past have treated us like crap,,,,BUT i cannot and will not play games,,,,,why pretend like I am not just as into it as he is?.....

 

[RampantLecher]

Then, there's the point of going to the extreme of NO-SEX for who knows how long!

 

[sinnamongyrl]

Maybe that works for them, but I don't want any relationship with a woman who is going to play games with such an important aspect of life. I think this woman is heading for real trouble, and I doubt if this aspect of her character is exclusive to sex either.

Your view is the healthier one, and when you get the right guy, you'll be happier than her.

nods in agreement.......I just wonder how happy she really is,,,,,,,and who I am with now,,at least he appreciates it.....so does "SANDY"S" guy,,,,,,

 

[Recidiva]

yeah,,I agree,I am thinking she may be a bit jealous,,,I dunno,,its just when she said the part about maybe thats why men in the past have treated us like crap,,,,BUT i cannot and will not play games,,,,,why pretend like I am not just as into it as he is?.....

I think what you're trying to do is put an absolute value on something the way she is trying to put an absolute value on something. What I'm trying to do is say that these things have relative value. It's like someone saying that pepperoni pizza is good and another person saying that mushroom pizza is good. Fine, someone order one type and another order one type.

You don't have to evaluate them. You like one and the other person likes the other. Evaluating the essential VALUE of mushrooms and pepperoni or whether people are jealous of mushroom eaters or pepperoni lovers... anyway, I think that gets silly.

People who do that can do that forever, and that's where it can become a game that's just about as silly as high school. Who is cool, who decides what to wear and what is in and what is out. She's just trying to set a standard. Forget about her and set your own standard, decide what you like. It's not about jealousy or value. It's about her controlling your opinion and controlling other people's behavior. That's what values are always about.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

I think what you're trying to do is put an absolute value on something the way she is trying to put an absolute value on something. What I'm trying to do is say that these things have relative value. It's like someone saying that pepperoni pizza is good and another person saying that mushroom pizza is good. Fine, someone order one type and another order one type.

You don't have to evaluate them. You like one and the other person likes the other. Evaluating the essential VALUE of mushrooms and pepperoni or whether people are jealous of mushroom eaters or pepperoni lovers... anyway, I think that gets silly.

People who do that can do that forever, and that's where it can become a game that's just about as silly as high school. Who is cool, who decides what to wear and what is in and what is out. She's just trying to set a standard. Forget about her and set your own standard, decide what you like. It's not about jealousy or value. It's about her controlling your opinion and controlling other people's behavior. That's what values are always about.

not so much of an absolute value,,,,just wondering if there was any truth to MY life of what she said,,,and its just not true for me......I cant do that,,,its fine for her,,and I really hope she is happy....I dont think I could fake it like that,,,,,,so if who I am with does not respect me for something like that,,then its the wrong person for me,,,,,,

 

[Recidiva]

not so much of an absolute value,,,,just wondering if there was any truth to MY life of what she said,,,and its just not true for me......I cant do that,,,its fine for her,,and I really hope she is happy....I dont think I could fake it like that,,,,,,so if who I am with does not respect me for something like that,,then its the wrong person for me,,,,,,

I answered it when I said it was true for her, so it must be true for other people. Just rest assured, nobody got a manual when they were born. There are not only your way to think and hers. Everybody has a different way to think. Figure out each person separately. That way you'll know when you meet the right ones for you, not for her. The people worth talking to are the ones willing to figure you out to make you happy, not the ones that are going to tell you what to do to be worthy of them. That's my theory, anyway. When someone saunters into her life that fits her perfectly without having to change anything about themselves, great. That's a perfect match and they're made for each other. That's how it works. People are very complicated. The ones who want life to fit into cookie cutter shapes for it to be simple for them just get sharp around the edges. The people that are the most forceful about things being a certain way are just the most willing to put force behind making things look a certain way and have the least interest in allowing people their own opinions.

If a man didn't treat you well, that is not your fault. If a woman doesn't respect you and calls up someone not treating you well to support her views, she's being a bitch. That doesn't make her right. It makes her mean. She's not trying to help you. She's trying to be right.

If you like sex, have sex. I like sex. I have sex. If she wants to tell me there's something wrong with me, fine. I'd love to have that conversation. It would be fun. For me.

 

[Missingmeds]

Makes me wonder where he is getting his sex from when she is withholding it.

Because if his sex drive is greater than hers, you can bet she doesn't know everything or everyone that he is doing.

Look at the posts of the men on this board and go over and talk to some of the men on the personal board and ask what they would do in this situation.

 

[southerntierguy]

.....

 

[Recidiva]

Now, I think the woman is way out of line in her comments, but that doesn't mean the man is going somewhere else for sex.

It's possible, but I think this would be a fool's bet. Not everyone in life thinks and behaves like people here in Lit. You just can't make that assumption either; it's just as thick-headed as the reverse.

There are men that like to have the score kept. That like to be told when they're good boys and when they're bad. Who like to know when they're worthy and when they're not. They're the ones whose women can decide when the sex is had, I guess.

I...uh...don't have one of those guys, thank the Goddess.

And I would be utterly miserable if I did. Because some guys, if you tell them they're good guys all the time, they're actually very sad. They want to be BAD! They want to be BAD GUYS! Please tell me I'm bad, please? I have to have a guy that knows he's good or bad on his own and doesn't need me to decide.

If she's happy, I am happy for her.

Really, people are very different. For every sadist there is a masochist, I can't presume to understand everyone's brains. All I can say is that it's hard enough figuring out my own.

 

[Missingmeds]

Now, I think the woman is way out of line in her comments, but that doesn't mean the man is going somewhere else for sex.

It's possible, but I think this would be a fool's bet. Not everyone in life thinks and behaves like people here in Lit. You just can't make that assumption either; it's just as thick-headed as the reverse.

I agree that everyone is not like the people here at lit. But I will stand by what I said early. If she thinks that she is controlling the sex that they have she is likely right, if she thinks that she is controlling the sex HE is having, she might want to think again about that one. Unless he is with her 24/7 that is.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

I agree that everyone is not like the people here at lit. But I will stand by what I said early. If she thinks that she is controlling the sex that they have she is likely right, if she thinks that she is controlling the sex HE is having, she might want to think again about that one. Unless he is with her 24/7 that is.

I gotta agree with you on this one,,because I KNOW these two,,,he seems to be a very sexual person,,,,,I wish I could just understand why she is doing what she is doing,,,,its not justa random person,they are both friends of mine,,,this has gone away from the original intent of my post,,but thats fine,,,,I am just having trouble undertsanding why someone would advise me to hold back what I do in bed with someone I am in love with

 

[luv1]

I've had relationships with women who gave it up on the first date as well as those after more then a few months of dating. It doesn't matter as it's about their personalities not getting a fuck. holding back to me sound like she has nothing other to her personality to keep the man interested. Which is sad to believe that's the only thing holding him.

 

[Missingmeds]

I've had relationships with women who gave it up on the first date as well as those after more then a few months of dating. It doesn't matter as it's about their personalities not getting a fuck. holding back to me sound like she has nothing other to her personality to keep the man interested. Which is sad to believe that's the only thing holding him.

It could be that she doesn't know any other way to keep him interested in her either. But in my personal opinion if this is the only thing that she has to keep him interested, you are so right in that it is way beyond sad. Because eventually he is going to get disinterested. Or find someone more compatable with his sexual needs if he hasn't already.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

It could be that she doesn't know any other way to keep him interested in her either. But in my personal opinion if this is the only thing that she has to keep him interested, you are so right in that it is way beyond sad. Because eventually he is going to get disinterested. Or find someone more compatable with his sexual needs if he hasn't already.

nods in agreement,,,,,,