Doms and why we love them.

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

I would like to start a thread that explains one's fascination with S/M and B/D. I understand there are distinctions between the two. Why are you drawn to being a sub or dom? Why doe's one's personality seem to change when you are collared as opposed to when you are uncollared ? In all frankness I find this practice bizzare. Chin up .You don't need my approval but I do wish to attempt to understand it.

Here is a web page that promotes this alternate lifestyle.

http://www.ncsfreedom.org/who/contactofficers.htm

 

[petrel]

I think you will find that this whole board will show any newcomer or curious visitor a whole host of resons why we enjoy our sex like this. The simple answer is, however - because we like it. And in all honesty as long as our games don't hurt anyone (and I do not mean the consensual pain that can be inflicted within a BDSm relationship) then that is all we and anyone else needs to know.

If you are curiuos however then stick around we're nowhere near as scary as you might think - we're also nowhere near as sexual as others might think. In fact (despite recent dustups) we are a bunch of folks who feel relaxed sharing experiences and ideas with others who won't judge our sexual preferences.

Thanks for the website link - i take it in good spirit but its kinda like walking into a room of feminists (or any other political minority group) and saying - hey guys here''s a leaflet all about women's rights! *giggle*

I'm glad you have the manners and guts to come on over here and ask questions - I hope you find the answers and information you are lookign for. Maybe it would help if you told us why you want to know. Are you interested in exploring BDSM sex for yourself; have you been asked to participate by someone else; or are you just curiuos becasue you don't 'get it' and hopefully by knowing a little more even if it still doesn't 'float your boat' you will at least be a little less wary/scared of the whole thing?

(note - please do not think I am attempting to be patronising or otherwise annoying in any way shape or form, if you could see me you would knnow I have a little grin on my face and I'm offering you a drink - hoping you will stick aorund)

 

[forced]

I've thought about it a lot lately, and I think it boils down to the following:

I like a man who knows what he wants.
I seem to attract men who are unsure of themselves in a lot of ways. I don't go for assholes, and cocky people piss me off, so perhaps this is why it's taken me so long to find someone that I would want as a Dom.

Being out of control turns me on.
I am a control freak during the majority of my day. I like what I like when and where I like it. When he first told me, "Take off everything but that lace slip and lay down on the bed for me," I was instantly aroused. When he pinned me to the bed and pushed himself against me - I was unable to escape - I was instantly filled with lust.

Pain can be a good thing.
I'm not big into the S&M scene, but I do like a little pain. It not only turns me on, but it clears my head. When you're getting whacked across the ass, it's difficult to think of anything except for that hand and how it makes you feel. When he's biting your lips, all you can see is him... all you can feel is him.

That... about sums it up for me.

Hope that helps.

(Hot damn, I'm horny. I hope he gets here soon! )

 

[Quint]

Seconding the above two comments and putting my own spin on it.

I am more into D/s (Dominance and submission) and S&M (sadomasochism) than I am into bondage. While bondage can be fun, I always see it as a means to an end, a way to feel more helpless and vulnerable on the way to rougher treatment, rather than the end product. For some, the vulnerability is all they crave. Don't see too many of those around here, but they do exist.

Why do I always need a commanding, perhaps forceful partner? It's not at all because I'm weak. Granted, I'm physically rather pathetic (although working on it!), but emotionally I'm nobody's bitch. You have to earn that. It's a challenge and kind of a way to prove that I am strong, so strong that I need a man this much stronger than me to conquer me. I really enjoy that.

I usually think of Ayn Rand, author of "Atlas Shrugged," about this time. Perhaps this is all Freudian, but in her works I see a lot of "I am a proud, professional, capable woman to the world and so I need this perfect man to master me because he can. By conquering me he proves not only his strength over me but my strength over him. He chooses me to be his victim, the object of his lust and the means of relieving it." So there is all sorts of ego involved behind the pure bolt of desire I feel when I know there is nothing I can do to escape.

I know my own desires, and I know what kind of person I need to satisfy them. That's why I like Doms.

 

[joi]

the big "WHY"

Kudos on a thought provoking thread~ Like many others, i spend my work day in compleat control of "stuff".....hence the works nic behind my back as the "Ice Bitch/Princess"...funny how demanding that others "just do his/her job correctly" earns one a Domme-ish title!!!
My real essence is submissive and coperative and this is something i've known for ages! I totally respect a man who knows what He wants and carefully, thoughtfully and caringly works to get it! Respect of authority was the byword of my growth (think Irish Catholic up-bringing).
The thrill of doing as my Beloved asks stimulates me......He is always watching out for me and my growth and development both professionally and sexually. The intermingling of our emotional committment to each other and the D/s aspects of our sexuality and life makes our experience unique ('tho i've noticed others here posting similiar testimonials). I also adore the comanding presence, the strength, the tone of His voice, the look of His eyes and the total package! that makes me His.
As mentioned by others...our life is D/s, with BDSM "light"....the last thing i can handle is wicked ,severe pain! (spankings however are another matter!! )
and.....gotta run as guess WHO just walked in the door!!

 

[Quint]

More thoughts on the matter because I'm wordy

Clarification on my previous post: I can think of specific actions that turn me on, but that's icing. That's the "what," and you're wanting to know the "why." A much harder question to answer, of course, but I gave it a shot.

As to the other parts of your question, "collared" and "uncollared" varies from couple to couple. I have no need to be marked as T's submissive. To me ([insert disclaimer here]), it's largely redundant and showy. I know who and what I am, and I know the other half of the equation. Just as I have no need to wear nothing but black leather to proclaim my sexuality (or my good fashion sense), I'm not going to wear a collar to tell the largely unconcerned world that I'm Somebody's Sub. I have enough silent pride in it.

For other couples, this is different. A collar means lots of things, apparently. Some only take it when they're ready for TPE. Some take it when they feel close to their Dom/me. Some take it because it's pretty and they can be avant-garde. Some take it because it's a convenient place to attach a leash. While I suppose you could sort through these reasons and try to categorize the couples within them, I think you're better off leaving the topic as "your mileage may vary." Kinks are kinks because not everyone has the same ones. Otherwise we'd all be nilla, and isn't THAT a scary thought?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Why are you drawn to being a sub or dom?

I am a submissive.....I'm drawn to it because its what I am. No other reason.

Why doe's one's personality seem to change when you are collared as opposed to when you are uncollared ?

My personality is the same today as it was before I became a collared sub. I see no reason for someone to lose their personality based on a collar.

That being said, there are different ways that a sub will react towards their Dom/me. This is part of what we enjoy and need for our sexuality. It is really no different, in my eyes, than a vanilla couple that gets married. They act differently, in most cases, due to the vows and wedding rings.

I hope this is what you were looking for. Thank you for your questions. Feel free to ask more.


dixi

 

[Guest]

Why Do We Love Our Doms?

 

[Guest]

Re: Why Do We Love Our Doms?

I Do Not Love You ~Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

That this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my breast is my hand,
so close that my eyes close as you fall asleep.[/size] [/B][/QUOTE]

I would like to send this to my dom........I love my dom......but we have a no love rule........ its hard because I do but he has also got another sub who he had before me.

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

I sure will tell you why I'm curious

I think you will find that this whole board will show any newcomer or curious visitor a whole host of resons why we enjoy our sex like this. The simple answer is, however - because we like it. And in all honesty as long as our games don't hurt anyone (and I do not mean the consensual pain that can be inflicted within a BDSm relationship) then that is all we and anyone else needs to know.

If you are curiuos however then stick around we're nowhere near as scary as you might think - we're also nowhere near as sexual as others might think. In fact (despite recent dustups) we are a bunch of folks who feel relaxed sharing experiences and ideas with others who won't judge our sexual preferences.

Thanks for the website link - i take it in good spirit but its kinda like walking into a room of feminists (or any other political minority group) and saying - hey guys here''s a leaflet all about women's rights! *giggle*

*************************************************************
I must first say that I am not into sub/dom nor b/d. I am into vampires as you can tell from my av and member name.
I met this women online who had a dom and we exchanged emails and cybered. Then her dom sent me an email telling me not to contact his sub anymore. Naturally I respected them. Some time later I get an email from the woman saying she broke up with her dom because he was to controlling and she was interested in MY fetishes. This was fine until I get another email from another dom telling me to leave his sub alone. The woman emails me back telling me she has a new master and calls MY fetishes sick. This is what I mean by complete change in personality.I get the feeling that this woman enjoys dumping men. I would be a damn fool to give this woman the time of day if she grows tired of her current dom and decides to come back to me.Is this woman's behaivyor typical of all subs or is she just a bit touched?


I understand that b/d does not neccesarily involve pain. Lay people like myself confuse b/d with S/M.

 

[artful]

Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

Is this woman's behaivyor typical of all subs or is she just a bit touched?

Well,...it is not typical 'sub' action, but there is no way WE can say whether or not she may be, "A bit touched."

 

[MechaBlade]

I think that my love of being a dom comes from a psychological reaction to the rest of my life. Most of the time I feel out of control, ignored, and sometimes, in pain; at least sexually. This spawned a sadism in me. I love to inflict pain, to control, to make others worship me.

Makes me feel like a big man. I wish I could say it was due to something else.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

I agree with what Art said about it not being typical "sub" behavior.

However, I know that there are times that certain activities are forbidden by some Dom/me's of their subs. I have things that Master forbids me to do. Out of respect for him I don't do the forbidden.

If he were to not wish me to talk to someone online, for example, he would want me to tell them so. I would most likely have to compose an email, get his approval of it, then send it off to the part. He wouldn't waste his time doing it for me, unless the other person wouldn't respect my wishes. This is just the way it works for me mind you. I can't say this is the way all Dom/me's would handle it.

Great questions tho. Really made me think.


dixi

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

Re: Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

I agree with what Art said about it not being typical "sub" behavior.

However, I know that there are times that certain activities are forbidden by some Dom/me's of their subs. I have things that Master forbids me to do. Out of respect for him I don't do the forbidden.

If he were to not wish me to talk to someone online, for example, he would want me to tell them so. I would most likely have to compose an email, get his approval of it, then send it off to the part. He wouldn't waste his time doing it for me, unless the other person wouldn't respect my wishes. This is just the way it works for me mind you. I can't say this is the way all Dom/me's would handle it.

Great questions tho. Really made me think.


dixi

I have no problems respecting the sub/dom bond. However I find it disengenous that this particular sub sought me out ,entertained MY fetishes then subsequently had her new dom dump me. I did not appreciate that she mocked MY fetishes as sick. This leads me to suspect that even though she claims to be a sub she does like to be a dom as well. Anyway I'm glad not all are like that.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

I have no problems respecting the sub/dom bond. However I find it disengenous that this particular sub sought me out ,entertained MY fetishes then subsequently had her new dom dump me. I did not appreciate that she mocked MY fetishes as sick. This leads me to suspect that even though she claims to be a sub she does like to be a dom as well. Anyway I'm glad not all are like that.

I don't think any of us have the right to belittle anyone else's fetishes. I mean what I enjoy isn't exactly considered "vanilla" or "normal" for goodness sakes.

There are people that like both sides, also called Switch. I suppose, purely my speculation of course, that she could fall into this catagory.

However, yes rest assured that not all subs are like that. Actually, I'd venture to say that very few are like that at all.


dixi

 

[petrel]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

I have no problems respecting the sub/dom bond. However I find it disengenous that this particular sub sought me out ,entertained MY fetishes then subsequently had her new dom dump me. I did not appreciate that she mocked MY fetishes as sick. This leads me to suspect that even though she claims to be a sub she does like to be a dom as well. Anyway I'm glad not all are like that.

I don't think the question is about whether she was sub or dom;
Its her behaviuor as a person you have issues with not her sexuality. Regretably online where everything, including sexuality, gender age and race can be told as we want it to be rather than as it is, there will be people who think that the ordinary rules of polite behaviuor do not apply.

this person is such a case - she may or may not identify as a sub in RL - she may or may not be a 'she' that is all irrelevant what matters is that they betrayed your trust.

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

[QUOTE
I must first say that I am not into sub/dom nor b/d. I am into vampires as you can tell from my av and member name.
I met this women online who had a dom and we exchanged emails and cybered. Then her dom sent me an email telling me not to contact his sub anymore. Naturally I respected them. Some time later I get an email from the woman saying she broke up with her dom because he was to controlling and she was interested in MY fetishes. This was fine until I get another email from another dom telling me to leave his sub alone. The woman emails me back telling me she has a new master and calls MY fetishes sick. This is what I mean by complete change in personality.I get the feeling that this woman enjoys dumping men. I would be a damn fool to give this woman the time of day if she grows tired of her current dom and decides to come back to me.Is this woman's behaivyor typical of all subs or is she just a bit touched?

Hey Vamp, long time no see!

From reading your question, I started wondering if maybe this woman simply wasn't fucking with your head because she is selfish and fickle....which of course has nothing specific to do with bdsm....she just moght be a nasty piece of work.

Or perhaps she was using you to make her Dom jealous, so as to get some Discipline from her D by being "naughty".

Or maybe she is in fact interested in you and your fetish....but only pursues the idea where her "main gig" isn't happening...a fence-sitter.

None of the three possibilities I see from your description of the situation result in much fun for you, I'm afraid.

Which sucks....not blood. It just sucks.

And I don't think that this one woman is demonstrative of all sub women.

Good to see you again, hope your MSN crypt is doing well;
Lance

 

[MissTaken]

There are women who play for attention whether they be subs, Dommes, or strictly nillas.

IT happens in real life and on line.

And there are men who do the same.

Honesty and integrity can feel like a real commodity in interpersonal relationships, sometimes or in their development.

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

Hey Vamp, long time no see!

From reading your question, I started wondering if maybe this woman simply wasn't fucking with your head because she is selfish and fickle....which of course has nothing specific to do with bdsm....she just moght be a nasty piece of work.

Or perhaps she was using you to make her Dom jealous, so as to get some Discipline from her D by being "naughty".

Or maybe she is in fact interested in you and your fetish....but only pursues the idea where her "main gig" isn't happening...a fence-sitter.

None of the three possibilities I see from your description of the situation result in much fun for you, I'm afraid.

Which sucks....not blood. It just sucks.

And I don't think that this one woman is demonstrative of all sub women.

Good to see you again, hope your MSN crypt is doing well;
Lance

Oh Well you know us men must deserve a little humiliation occasionally. How do I handle this person on the unlikely chance that she emails me again sometime?
Please tell yor friends about my club. Thanks

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

How do I handle this person on the unlikely chance that she emails me again sometime?

If it were me, I'd use the block function of my email program for this person. I use that to block anyone I don't want contacting me via my email regardless of the reason. Be it spam mail or whatever.

JMHO


dixi

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

If it were me, I'd use the block function of my email program for this person. I use that to block anyone I don't want contacting me via my email regardless of the reason. Be it spam mail or whatever.

JMHO


dixi

Thanks

 

[cellis]

So this thread wasn't really about why we love our doms... it was really about this woman and whether she was a sub or a big ole nut...

I vote for the big ole nut myself....

Read some of the threads we have here if you are truly interested in BDSM...

Welcome to our little corner of lit... you might actually find a vampira or two... we have a few of those lurking about...

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

Thanks

So this thread wasn't really about why we love our doms... it was really about this woman and whether she was a sub or a big ole nut...

I vote for the big ole nut myself....

Read some of the threads we have here if you are truly interested in BDSM...

Welcome to our little corner of lit... you might actually find a vampira or two... we have a few of those lurking about...

Well I got curious about your fetish because of this woman.

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

Oh Well you know us men must deserve a little humiliation occasionally. How do I handle this person on the unlikely chance that she emails me again sometime?
Please tell yor friends about my club. Thanks

Oh, if she's done it twice already, she'll likely be back again...I'd either block her or turn the tables on her, depending on the situation.

Lance

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I sure will tell you why I'm curious

Oh, if she's done it twice already, she'll likely be back again...I'd either block her or turn the tables on her, depending on the situation.

Lance

How do I turn the tables on her? Hmmm Do any of you want her email?