Doms - A Question about Pet Names

[TigerClaw]

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[Rantalith]

I only let a few Doms use the pet name for my sub. I have to really know them well, before they can use it.
If I do not know the Dom very well, or my sub is not comfortable being called by my pet name for her, then we use a common name that she knows we are talking about her, yet does not offend her or myself.

 

[Netzach]

My sub is well equipped to manage his own comfort levels, and I doubt he would tolerate much in the way of pet names from anyone other than me.

If anything, I find myself suggesting that they might not have meant to make him feel icky by it, but it's not cool that they did.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[Netzach]

Thanks, but really...is it impossible for the sub in question to say "I don't like to be called that." Or "Master doesn't like me called that." Is there really a dom-to-dom problem here?

I usually refer to people by their name, or artfully chosen derogatory terms if that's their kink, 'cause it's mine. But I usually test the waters or ask how someone likes to be addressed and it certainly would be no skin off my ass if a sub expressed a dislike of being called something. It's just information.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[Gentle_Deviant]

When introducing my subs to others, I refer to them by there name because that is what I wish them to be addressed as. Not Pet, Pretty One, or anything else. I expect that the Doms/Dommes in the group would be intelligent and respectfull enough to pick up on that.

 

[sweetbea]

I think this is a question that can be asked for both D/s relationships and vanilla ones.

I don't really think it is ever appropriate for someone to call another person by their significant other's pet name for them.

When I was married, I think it would have been strange if one of my husband's friends called me "bunny". His pet name for me. And I would think it odd if one of my friends called him my pet name for him.

However, I have my own pet names for certain friends. If their SO didn't like my use of it, then they can screw off, because I have known their friend longer, and the use of my pet name has nothing to do with their relationship really. It's not a sexual or romantic thing, just a friendly thing.

 

[hurtme]

Luckily, I have never really run into this problem. normally I am just pet, and the nice thing about that is...he can say it in public without anyone realizing what he really means by it, its it is on par with calling someone sweetie or honey to most people. A pet name, even the common ones, only mean something to me when he says it, so if osmeone else were to use it, it wouldn't phase me...when he says it however, it sends shivers up my spine

 

[WriterDom]

k

 

[NCShin]

I wouldn't allow this in a vanilla relationship and I wouldn't allow it in one that includes D/s.

Now, it might be different if it was part of some fantasy we were exploring for a given time at a given location for a given reason. Other than that, I can't think of any pet name that anyone could use that wouldn't offend me, if not her.

 

[Krinaia]

I think this is a question that can be asked for both D/s relationships and vanilla ones.

I don't really think it is ever appropriate for someone to call another person by their significant other's pet name for them.

When I was married, I think it would have been strange if one of my husband's friends called me "bunny". His pet name for me. And I would think it odd if one of my friends called him my pet name for him.

However, I have my own pet names for certain friends. If their SO didn't like my use of it, then they can screw off, because I have known their friend longer, and the use of my pet name has nothing to do with their relationship really. It's not a sexual or romantic thing, just a friendly thing.

I thought this was interesting... because I use certain "pet names" only when I'm angry with someone. If I call you babe, watch out.

But I've been given nicknames by people that if others use that name, I get upset. I had a friend who called my AJ - there is no J anywhere in my name. When others tried to pick up the name - I took offense to it. And there was a guy in high school that called me sweet pea in the same way I call others Babe. No one will ever be able to call me that without making me remember him. - it's just that I never really gave consideration to a nickname belonging to a select group. I sort of allow people to decide whether to call me by my full name or most common nickname (Addy). And I don't care either way.

But there are certain names which I would never allow anyone to call me - Baby Girl for example - for no other reason than tha tmy roommate from hell's boyfriend called her that and the very uttering of those words together makes me cringe.

In the context of bdsm, I have had several doms I'm friends with use pet names as a way to remind me of my manners. Quite effective too. But I don't have a dominant to mind their doing so. It will be interesting to see if that changes if and when I find one.

 

[Missingmeds]

I have a pet name given to me by someone else. IF anyone else would call me by it he would be highly offended and so would I. IT is a very private thing shared between us and meant to be kept that way.

It has a private meaning that is very personal and neither of us would want it used by someone else. To the few people that have heard him use it, and then repeated it, he quickly told them that it was not to be used by anyone but him. Not in an offensive way, but in a way that left no doubt that they were not to call me that.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[ownedsubgal]

well, Daddy has a name for me, but i would be hard pressed to call it a "pet name". it's really simply my name...what he has called me as long as he has known me, before we were even involved in a serious relationship. when he introduces me to others, he often uses that name to refer to me, and sometimes they refer to me by that name as well. but i do admit, it feels kind of strange hearing anyone else call me that. Daddy has a lot of cutesy pet names for me though, "baby girl" being among them, which i never thought i would like but i adore coming from his mouth. if anyone else ever called me "baby girl" or especially "snookawookus", i think Daddy would most certainly flip (in a loud, physical, that person would die kinda way), as would i (in a hidden, reserved, under my breath kinda way lol).

 

[hurtme]

I don't mind being called pet names in general. I have worked many customer oriented jobs (read: conviennce stores, resturants) and even though my name is usually on my person, that doesn't stop me from getting several hon, darling, sweetie, sweet pea, dear etc, etc, etc a day. Usually it doesn't bother my overly much, I understand some people are just like that, my dad always was. However, in retaliation, I got into the habit of calling men cute little pet names in return, to see if they noticed their behavior and changed...most didn't, but the habit stuck with me, so now I have a tendency to call random strangers by "pet" names, sweetie, hun, etc...and my male firends usually get called love, or lovie...it also helps so that it doesn't look so obviously when i forget osmeones name ( I am horrible at remembering names)...actually most men, don't seem to mind a pretty girl calling them sweetie...

 

[Krinaia]

i wonder if there is a difference between the ways southerns versus northerners feel on this issue...

if I had to guess, I'd guess that those from the south don't mind being casually refered to by pet names whereas northerns would... might make an interesting poll

 

[hurtme]

*northerner*

 

[Netzach]

You know, maybe this is highly non-pc but the boy has pet names for me that make me melt with pride and goofy glee.

Masterette, one of my own invention.

Pretty Lady


and nine times in ten the Stern Diva is referred to as "cutie lady"

*shrugs*

You can be certain I would not tolerate this from most.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[A Desert Rose]

He never had a pet name for me... He called me baby a lot but that's not a pet name and it's pretty generic. In fact, I can't remember anyone having a pet name for me.

I call lots of people by terms of endearment and when I use them, I mean them with all affection.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[ghosst_K&H]

ghosstie is pretty much a generic pet name for me, and others in our local group call me that.

My Mistress's do have a special name for me, which is only known to U/us three, and i'd get offended if someone else picked up on it and started referring to me in this manner.

Now my Mistress's on the ohter hand, <eg> almost daily they get a new nickname from me, some work well, some don't

 

[Krinaia]

lol,

Northerner

I was wondering if it was a difference in generations.

I'm not sure about the generations thing... nor particularly the northerner/southerner thing.... my parents are northwesterns and i grew up in a border state between the north and south - most kentuckians think of htem as southerners and most southernerns consider us norhterners as we didn't join sides with the confederates

 

[lassarina]

i wonder if there is a difference between the ways southerns versus northerners feel on this issue...

if I had to guess, I'd guess that those from the south don't mind being casually refered to by pet names whereas northerns would... might make an interesting poll

What an interesting observation! i'm from the deep south and think nothing about anyone addressing me as "baby, sweetie, sugar, honey, darling..." Y'all get the idea! However my Doms do have a pet name for me that i would object (gently of course) to anyone else using. Hmmmm what about the "yes Sir/yes Ma'am" issue? Did y'all have problems getting used to that? i was raised to say that to anyone asking me a question so it came quite easily for me but i've heard other subs say that it took a bit for them to get used to saying it.